bury feelings

[BlueStar]

This isn't just about a gay guy having a crush on his straight friend, this is about valuable protection.

I've known this guy for about 6 months, met him at his 19th birthday party. Immediately we became very close friends, dunno how or what kind of soul attraction was that, as if I knew him long time ago. He’s the only 1 who became this close to me in a matter of seconds, and my friend who introduced me to him was astonished, expecting a cold attitude...

After that day, some kind of trust grew between us. We only met once a month but chatted quite frequently, and I knew many beautiful things about him. He’s caring, very lovely, peaceful, and says nothing bad about me.

Once I asked him advice about how to attract a girl I’m supposed to fall in love with just to bury my secret of being gay... but that’s not my concern right now. He’s totally straight, conservative and homophobic.

However, although he’s a brother to me who I can’t imagine losing, some crap of crush started to grow for him, which I myself never expected. That started 2 days ago after I had a wonderful dream about him. As the time passes those damn feelings are growing, and I absolutely need to kill them before they kill our brotherhood. I won’t lie he’s 1 type of guys I find attractive, but that never influenced my looks toward him until now. So far, he's the only close friend I have left...

I can never tell him the truth, nor I can follow my emotionss but I’m ok with it. But how can I destroy them and keep myself from rushing in a blind second? I would NEVER hurt him; he could kill me and get away with it but that would still pain him. I'd sacrifice the world to protect him, even myself but I don’t want that happening.

Just plz help me murder my wrongly-placed feelings and bury them before it’s too late.

I know you’ll say it’s another silly too common situation; I couldn't keep it unsounded though. Anyway... I’ll be so grateful to your advice.

[Virge]

I read you earlier post about your family situation. Tough.
You're only 17 and you're not really "out" yet are you? Those two things are working against you and there's nothing you can do about being 17 except rent a time machine and go forward three years.

Most of us have our first crushes on straight men before we come out. This won't mean much to you now but the feelings will stop on their own. I remember my 1st crush on a guy at your age and it felt like i was going to either boil over or curl in a ball and dry up. Awful. In three weeks I was over it. Most everyone I've talked to about this says the same thing.

[JimmyEcho]

Been there ,done that.
I think many of us have been in this same situation (I was 16)
I know it hurts now, but it's only a crush. Hang in there it will pass.
You just have to let time pass.

[Virge]

And Bluestar, if it helps or makes a difference,

My heart is with you. be Strong.