Thoughts about relationships

[Borg69]

I would want them to be my best friend, someone who I could be comfortable with, but not someone who I constantly have sex with.

Don't get me wrong, sex is awesome, but I feel that on an emotional level it's hard for me to connect with people when I see them naked half the time.

I see this as a Disney Princess view on relationships. Believe me, you're going to see them far worse than just naked. You're going to see them at their absolute worst mentally, physically, emotionally... when they're sick, morning breath, bed head, dirty, sweaty, vomiting, drunk, insecure, stinking, belching, farting ... and at the end of the day, hopefully you're still going to love them more than anything, in spite of all this.

... and ideally, your relationship won't revolve around sex and you'll have mutually shared other interests as well.

[Bluelight]

Well, yes I know. I really think you're seeing this in a different light than I intended. Do I honestly sound that naive?

I thanked you anyway though, as I have seen my friends do all those things hehe and before you remind me, yes, I know I am guilty of all of them as well.

[Virge]

A relationship start with a great friendship, I have befriended my husband for a year and half before we called ourselves a couple. Just like my husband I have issue with people calling their newly acquired friend a boyfriend, because, a real relationship doesn't start in weeks, or few months, it is really a year thing. I met mine I was 19 and at 19 even though I wanted a relationship I never called it a relationship until I felt it was a relationship.

YEAH! That's what I'm talking about!

My guy is 2½ yrs old than me. We met in December 27th, 2006, four days before I turn 20. he was the 2nd guy and my 2nd time having sex with a guy. He's smart and I was crushing on him real bad. He said I was too young and inexperienced for a relationship and I more or less agreed with him by voice and all the time told myself, "I'm going to get this fucker." So that led to 2 years, three months and twelve days of flying from the US to Australia before he finally got it in his head that he wasn't going to find anyone like me. In that period after we 1st met gave me a chance to prove to him that I was stable, career oriented, motivated, calm, (no drama) reliable as a FRIEND he could come to to talk about anything, over the top when it came to being caring and loving and consistently enjoyed fucking him into sex induced comas and would eat anything he cooked not matter how bad it was.

When I hear a 20 year old guy talking about a relationship that's more platonic, sorry I don't buy it. I REMEMBER being 20 like it was 24 hours ago and my sex drive after I got my first great experience with my man became a psychosis. I couldn't think about anything else but him and sex with him...and I went to extremes to get both... Add up 4 round trips per year to Australia for over two years to get just a general idea of the extremes i went to. But like I said above, in the process of crushing and chasing him while acting like it was all just FWBs I adapted and matured into the type of guy who was ready will and able for a relationship.

Now for the bad news... if you get into a relationship and don't think sex is a part of it.... it aint a relationship. In a relationship the sex just keeps getting better, more intimate and more mutually reassuring. My guy turned 29 on the 11th... and he's got maybe 10% gray hair... that's got him all in a mood hole that he's looking old and maybe he needs to start dying his hair... FUCK... he needs some gray hair so people will stop accusing him of being nineteen! LOL.. so that's the real issue with him and for him to cam with me and talk from his heart about it horns me up worse than him getting naked and prancing around. AND I have layed down the law about his gray hair... He's not coloring it and if he does I won't fuck until it grows out. He's sexier now that when I first met him and back then in 2006 I'd have never thought that would be possible.

I tell you what bluelight... when you stop talking in terms of theoretical relationships and find yourself on the edge of something that you'd like to develop into a a relationship... come find me and we'll have a nice long talk. I can draw you a road map to help that happen.

[Bluelight]

What a cute story Sorry if you don't believe me that I want a relationship that's less sex-based, but I said "approaching" platonic, not completely. I may be 20, but my sex-drive isn't really as high as other guys my age. Also, everyone's different, if a guy told me what's best for me based solely on my age, I don't think I would want to pursue him, but that's just me. And of course I enjoy sex, but when I'm sleeping with someone all the time it just makes it all wear off quick. And I like that I'm figuring this out, it's not like I'm even looking right now anyway, I feel like this is the best time for me to reflect on what's right for me when it comes to being with someone.

[Uneunsae]

My boyfriends and I didn't walk around naked in front of each other very often, didn't get undressed together, or shower together (just rarely), or do "bodily things" together... not that those things are wrong by any means, but our "spark" stayed forever and didn't really fade. Every time was like "the first time," even after years. Maybe this is why some couples have to spice things up after awhile and get bored? IDK. IMO, some people get way too familiar and comfortable and "let themselves go". I think it might be a cultural thing, though but I'm not really sure. I just know that I couldn't be with someone who walked around our house in his underwear. I'm always on my best behaviour, not just to impress someone in the beginning. And no, we were never uncomfortable in the least. You don't need these things to be intimate and close. I'm not criticizing, just sharing a different POV that's not often heard from.

Anyway, IMO my partner should be my best friend. That's how it's always been for me. I'm a very sexual being so I can't imagine not having sex with him but I wouldn't mind that at all if neither one of us had the desire to do so. There are some couples who rarely have sex because they just don't have libido. Nothing wrong with that.

There is no one way to have a relationship. I don't think what you want is wrong or unreasonable. Do what feels right for you and let your partners know what you want so you can find a good match.

[Bowyn Aerrow]

You're 20 - there is no way you know what it is you want.

And I'm not playing the old dude lecturing the kid card.

Right now you are not even fully developed. Your brain has a couple three more years to hit full development... then senility starts setting in. :tongue:

Out of the 20 years you have lived the first 18 were as a 'child'. Now suddenly you are experiencing the real world of an adult. And no matter what us old dudes try to say, you can't possibly comprehend what being an adult in the adult world is all about until you have spent about a decade as such.

Yes, your tastes are going to change - most likely drastically. Yes, you are going to figure out that sex ain't all that and a bag of chips and definitely ain't what one is supposed to build a relationship on.

You will also discover crushing debt, that taxes suck, and no matter what it is you WANTED to be when you were a kid, the harsh reality is that most people end up being something that makes ends meet (barely in most cases) than being the astronaut, fireman, police man, or high priced whore - whatever it is kids aspire to be when they grow up.

What you are experiences most... well many... Hmm perhaps that is an overestimate, some ??? - guys discover at some point in their dating that the whole 'just sex' thing ain't where its at.

I think you are doing a disservice to yourself and your potential mates to swing your pendulum way to the other extreme.

I have been in 6 relationships. Yes, each and every single one of them started out because of sex - I wanted them, they wanted me yada yada yada - it felt good, whatever. However after the first few furious months of round the clock sexuality, it did give way to deeper, more meaningful love - companionship, friendship. Most we still had sex often (very often)... However we got all of that other stuff once we scratched the initial itch and got most of it out of our system.

What you fail to realize here is that love goes through stages, the fuck like a bunny stage is typical of new relationships. The tricky part is sticking round once the "I must have you now!" days pass into - "Ya know, I think I can schedule you in for Thursday evening? Pencil it in, never know we might have sex then".

Life has a way of getting in the way of fun. Life sucks - big time.

20's are the shittiest time to try to get into a LTR especially if you are having these eurkea moments where you realize sex ain't all that. Unfortunately at 20, you are a bit on the young end of that discovery and most guys your age are looking for lots of fun.

But it will work out, eventually...

Don't give up on sex. Enjoy it while it lasts...

[Alex]

Who's your boyfriend? LOL

Jakey I swear keep on going and I'm going to beat the shit out of you Dumb aaaaassss LOL

[Drew02]

A relationship start with a great friendship, I have befriended my husband for a year and half before we called ourselves a couple. Just like my husband I have issue with people calling their newly acquired friend a boyfriend, because, a real relationship doesn't start in weeks, or few months, it is really a year thing. I met mine I was 19 and at 19 even though I wanted a relationship I never called it a relationship until I felt it was a relationship.

I was also 19 when I met my partner, and we drifted from friendship into a FWB thing. I knew he wanted more, but I felt like I didn't want to be tied down and he was wise enough to never push it. There was just that unspoken "eventually..."
I was 22 by the time we moved in together and declared ourselves a couple and by then we had reached the "mind reading" stage - I'd be thinking of something and he'd say it, and we finished each others sentences routinely. We had already worked through the "deal breaker" issues and found compromises.
And yes, the sex is still great but it's not what we're about. Relationship is an overused word and I feel like it's lost it's meaning somehow. Friendship is the basis of everything.

[Jake]

And yes, the sex is still great but it's not what we're about. Relationship is an overused word and I feel like it's lost it's meaning somehow. Friendship is the basis of everything.

Totally agree with you, I have met Alex he was 19 as well and I was 29, now I had been in long term relationship before him, but although Alex was looking for a long term relationship, I was more reluctant to it because I understood just like you that the word "relationship" is too much of an utopia, I remember using few online dating sites and that when it hit me that relationship is greatly used as honey for flies. We all know that many do look for long term relationship, but for me putting the word "relationship" before friendship is the biggest error I notice in profile. Before one even consider to be in a relationship, there's the stage of learning, friendship and than relationship.

I remember one guy I dated who really was way too quick in business, the third time we met he was already calling me its boyfriend and was calling me baby, honey after two weeks of dating, it really did annoy me, and when I explained to him that he was going too fast, that I didn't want to be called boyfriend, baby or honey until we properly know each other he got mad and told me that I had lied in my profile. But my profile clearly mentioned that I was open for "relationship" but I was mostly looking for friends and sex. His profile was all about finding the right guy, and immediately built a relationship. I can't believe that people believe that upon a month or even 6 months they called themselves a couple. 6 months isn't enough to call a date a relationship.

Yes, Alex and I have been together for 1 year and half before we really called ourselves boyfriends, and it wasn't planned, we just one day woke up side by side and Alex coined that he loved me and I accepted and respond in the affirmative, I loved him too. After a year together, I learned to know what he likes, what he dislikes and all his other bad legs, yes, my husband is a massive hottie, but he's human and he has some bad habits that would make you cringe and I'm certainly not the perfect example either, but we have learned to live and endure our imperfection and that's how a couple really start. Sex became secondary, but we both are extremely sexual so it did not slow down that much, but it did a little if I compare our first years together were every morning I couldn't leave the bed without giving him a blowjob and vice versa. Now we're satisfied with a long kissing period.

A relationship is built, it's a work in progress even after 9 years together, it is still considered a work in progress.

[Jake]

Jakey I swear keep on going and I'm going to beat the shit out of you Dumb aaaaassss LOL

Do your worst baby LOL... and I love being beaten by you, as long as you use your own baseball bat hahahaha