Coming to terms with sexuality and in need of advice

[z3ro81]

Hi, first of all, I am new to this forum (but hope I will be a regular visitor / contributor from now on) so Hi everyone.

I have only recently come to terms with my sexuality (I was brought up in a rather strong catholic family and was always told that gay relationships are wrong blah blah blah). I have never really been in relationships as woman have never real interested me in that way much and I have never considered a relationship to be a 'must have' thing, and always been happy just socializing with people as friends.

But the older I have become the more I have started to feel that I would like to share my life with someone. So rather than just try to ignore feelings for other guys I have decided to start to take notice of them as ignoring them in the past has never made me happy, so its time to try another approach.

So this is where I need some help and advice. Where I work we have just taken on a new guy as a summer work experience person, since day 1 I have found myself attracted to him, but never really approached him (everyone was a bit nervous of him as he is the son of the companies ex-boss), but one day last week I started chatting to him via email (he sits on another desk and we don't get chance to speak in person much for one reason or another), and we seem to have really hit it off (we have this long email chain going on each day just chatting random stuff just 'getting to know you' type things) and due to my limited relationship experience I am terrible at reading the signs as to whether he is just being friendly or he is actually gay and interested.

Obviously it could just be him being nice, but there are some things he does that may be little signs (or just me reading to much into it) so I was hoping you guys could offer your thoughts.

Every time we physically cross paths he breaks out into a big smile (makes and keeps eye contact - until I break it for fear of staring too much) and always says hi.

He says things in the emails like he looks forward to my replies, how it makes the day go quicker etc etc. I have said to him that I am surprised we have clicked so soon and really enjoy talking to him, which hem also agrees with.

He says he wants to keep in contact after he leaves in September (also that he is notoriously bad at replying to emails at home but he is determined to be different with me).

The team all went out for a meal last week (I had to stay in the office to work) but he said it was a shame I could not make it but hoped I would next time.

I am sure I have also caught him watching me when we have been in group meetings (he seems to fidgit quite a bit in them too and often has his hands in his pockets 'adjusting things').

I have tried to see if he has his sexuality on his face book profile (we are not friends on there yet), which it does not show but I have noticed a few posts about how he wishes he had more close girl mates.

So....what do you guys think? Obviously time is short before he leaves, but I don't want to rush anything and make an awquard situation whilst he is still there (and possibly cause issues for me going forward as his dad - the ex big boss of the company still knows a few people in the company - one of his god mates is my boss's boss)

Last two points of note:-

1. I am not out (to anyone)
2. This guy is a few years younger than me.

Sorry for the really long post, I just wanted to give you all three full picture as there is no one else I can really talk to about this in my life.

Thanks in advance everyone [emoji2]

[MikeW]

Ok, well, this doesn't sound promising on a lot of levels. If you're still not out even to yourself completely, that's the first thing you need to attend to. Whether this younger fellow is interested in you sexually is a mystery and not very likely (not impossible but not likely). In any case, if he isn't out and you're not out, its a recipe for drama if not disaster.

EDIT: By the way, welcome to the forum. There are a lot of helpful and friendly people here. Please make yourself at home and participate in other threads.

[Borg69]

I think your starving hormones are lashing out at the closest male you're showing any interest in and making you see what you want to. Those hormones can be terribly evil and not our friends trying to get us laid.

You should try to meet and hang out with gay guys to develop romantic/sexual relationships with to feed that manipulative hormonal beast.

[Bowyn Aerrow]

There is insufficient data to say either way.

One thing you can do is ask him his stance on the gay marriage thing... It just passed recently in the UK - I think... So it may still be an interesting enough topic to bring up casually to get a person's stance on tolerance of LGBT matters.

You will need to know his stance on LGBT. If he is wholly opposed to 'those faggots destroying our great Nation with their faggoty fag fag marriage' That may be a sign that he really ain't into the whole idea of you being interested.

If on the other hand he is supportive of the matter, and shows tolerance to the whole LGBT crowd, that may be a good way to mention you swing from that particular branch.

IF he is himself that way, that is good way to bring this up. If not, then you have at least came out to someone and put to rest these nagging doubts. You have a guy who is a friend, without being a potential boy-friend... Its good to know that soonest before you fall madly in love with him and end up getting your heart broken later down the road if it turns out he can't reciprocate.

[Drew02]

Also, I'd be curious to know how old you are and how old he is. You said there was a 12 year difference between you. Since he's working there during school vacation he might be what - 18 or 19? Depending on the maturity and experience of both parties, that can either be insignificant or a huge gap.
Whatever you decide, be careful. Bear in mind that this is your workplace - and that getting involved with co-workers usually turns out to be problematic.

[50Plus]

Last I heard, the UK is known for its pubs. Pubs normally have beverages of varying quality and quantity. The level of quality and quantity usually attracts lads to hoist a pint or two. Said lads will gather with their mates (the non sexual meaning of this term is implied).

Why not see if he wants to go for a pint some day after work. It does not mean that it is a 'date'. You have the 'relationship' established with the email thread. Why not see if it extends to a 'real life' conversation. You are not asking a girl out, its another guy - eeeezy peeezy.

Likely somewhere in the discussion the topic of City or United or the desire to watch Liverpool crumble will be raised.

Um, and why is it difficult because he is the son of the ex-boss? Current boss would be awkward. Unless the ex-boss is the major shareholder in the company, he does not exist anymore - unless you want him to exist.

[Bluelight]

I think I have to agree with those who are saying that assuming anything would probably be jumping the gun. I was in a similar situation; I really had feelings for this one guy, and he was very friendly, but there was too much gray area for me to make a real guess at anything, so I never pursued him in that way.

[z3ro81]

Thanks for all the words of advice today everyone, some very valid points which I will take in board and consider in the future.

We continued chatting today and it was dropped into the conversation something about some posts he had put on facebook in the past trying to get the attention of some girls he fancied, so that's the confirmation I needed in! [emoji46]

Not to worry though I still want to be mates as we get on well and a new friend In life is certainly much better than a kick in the teeth [emoji2]