Hitting On Guys Who Are Taken...

[dynamodean]

In my younger years when I was more adventurous and promiscuous I've slept with a few married men...

I guess I justified it in that it wasn't MY job to police their fidelity. If they wanted to cheat, they were clearly going to... either with me, or someone else. At the time I falsely saw it as an ego boost. Look what I could do! I'm so arousing I could lure straight men from their women! The taboo of it was exciting. The sneaking around, the hiding, the secret looks, winks, grins, touches... in public.

Now that I'm grown up? I still don't think it's my job to police other peoples' fidelity... BUT I want more for myself, and have higher standards for myself than to be 'used' by someone I can't have full time who has no intention of being in a real relationship with me. If I know before hand they're taken I wouldn't pursue them as I know if they'd cheat on them, they'd certainly cheat on me.

Back in my sluttier days I did have an "arrangement" with a neighbor, an older married man after he repeatedly propositioned me. It was a simple exchange of sexual favors which I believe his wife never knew about. The catch? I think he actually got off on the cheating part and would wink and call me a home wrecker whenever we saw each other either during our meetings or in passing. I eventually got too weirded out by all that hot mess and dropped him. While there may have been a bit of an initial "taboo" related thrill for me, I realized I didn't want to feed this vampire that increasingly sucked (pardon the pun) the sanity out of me. I don't think I could do it again.

[Adam]

Posted by OkayOkay: (my reply with quote critter doesn't want to work)

"Flirting is about as far as I take it. It's nice to let guys know they're desirable to people other than their partner(s).

Although it is their job to stay faithful and true to their spouse, I don't want any part in helping someone betray their husband/wife/boyfriend,etc.

I put myself in others' shoes far too often to live with myself after doing such a thing. "

I totally agree with you.
No harm in a little flirting --- I mean, I'm engaged, not dead lol -
And yes, it's ultimately up to me to stay faithful. But I feel --- IDK, disrespected - when someone makes a serious move on my BF or me. Like they're treating our relationship with contempt.
---I wish everyone had your attitude ---

[skWolf]

Flirting is about as far as I take it. It's nice to let guys know they're desirable to people other than their partner(s).

Although it is their job to stay faithful and true to their spouse, I don't want any part in helping someone betray their husband/wife/boyfriend,etc.

I put myself in others' shoes far too often to live with myself after doing such a thing.

Same, I take it as far as flirting, but any more, I won't go there if the guy or girl is in a monogamous relationship. All I have to think about is how I would feel if the same were happen to me, where my partner cheated on me with someone else and it makes me stop dead in my tracks.

So essentially, what I would be comfortable with others doing to my partner, that is my limit!

[Bluelight]

No, it's never okay to pursue anyone who's taken. I still check them out when no one's looking though lol doesn't hurt to look.

[East]

The guy who my abusive lover was involved with before I left him...well...he left him after a year or so and the guy came in to me when I was bartending and it was around Christmas as all the festive decorations were up and he was sobbing at the bar (EEK) and telling me how sorry he was that he took my man and asked me how I managed to get through my frist Christmas without him...

Seriously? I was glad I didn't have a mouthful of liquid or it would have went all over the place....as it was I started choking a bit...

He then went on to lament about the guy who "stole him away" ...LMAO

So...I had 1000 things going through my head and thankfully I chose a higher path than I thought I would considering I didn't really like the guy (but not the highest path mind you )...and I thanked him for taking him off my hands and told him he is free to go out with any of my leftovers...and I also told him that when you go out with a guy who is involved with someone else and think you "won" something...you have only "won" a cheater and a liar because it is NEVER about their lover or husband or wife...it is ALWAYS about who they are.....and you have got a guy who will do the same thing to you (DUH)...

..and then I bought him a drink and wished him a Merry Christmas.