Wall of text; venting, wanting to die, teenaged angst bullshit.

[17vs41]

You need to never forget one big thing: Despite everything you have been through and continue to go through and despite wishing to die, you are still here today and this fact alone should tell you something about your true person.

You're alive and kickin for a reason and you need to continue to find this reason and once this happens, you'll find many of the things you are looking for.

[ETOTE]

You misunderstood almost everything,

Did I?

.....

Most of all I guess I'm ashamed because my suicidal feelings are really founded in my complete lack of faith in other people as well as, in the case of the few persons I actually like and value, my inability to ever reach something meaningful..

I don't really want a deeper relationship with another person to affirm myself; because I feel affirmed already. I just want a sincere, deep contact, romantic or not, that can restore my belief in human relationships which is in many ways the most fundamental necessity to exist happily, at least for a very large majority of people.

So to summarize, you are basically just feeling crappy about having a difficult time trying to find the right guy to possibly have a meaningful relationship with and you are just sulking about this one and first bad experience, widening the reflection to just wanting more meaning in life period with your activities, your friends, people who you can really connect with and relate to, that understand you, all while having a deep, committed, loving, meaningful relationship with a guy.

I know the problem still lies in my attitude but it's offensive to belittle my experiences with "silly gay guy had a first bad encounter and is taking it out on the human race".

^not what I was said or even implied at all

Wasn't intending to be offensive or belittling, if I was, it would be more like "pull your head out of your butt, get off your high horse and get over yourself."

Was merely being blunt, honest, straight forward and direct, rather than sugar coat the summary, opinion and suggestion with a bunch of frilly nonsense.

You can take it however you want though, that's all up to you.
Your post here is my case in point that if you want to change your situation, you need to change your attitude and perspective, take the focus off yourself and take a genuine interest in others lives, their thoughts, their feelings, their perspectives and experiences.

Don't let intellect or as some would call arrogance, blind you from experiencing the richness and diversity of life and relationships.

I'm sure you'll disagree with this and find it offensive as well, but...oh well, such is life.

[Anonymous]

I don't mean to be arrogant. That's part of why I made it anonymous, and the thread is pretty much centered around a very big flaw of mine. I'm very thorough in never acting out of pride or praising myself in front of others. I just thought maybe it's not such a sin to talk about the things I like about myself when I'm not even revealing who myself is.

[ETOTE]

I don't mean to be arrogant. That's part of why I made it anonymous, and the thread is pretty much centered around a very big flaw of mine. I'm very thorough in never acting out of pride or praising myself in front of others. I just thought maybe it's not such a sin to talk about the things I like about myself when I'm not even revealing who myself is.

^Nothing wrong with acknowledging your strengths and gloating about your good qualities every now and then, anonymously or not. That's just being confident. Where it becomes unhealthy is when one becomes self absorbed demonstrating an attitude of superiority, letting the ego take control.

And this is why you make a conscious effort to not act out of pride or praise yourself in front of others? You're concerned they may judge you as being arrogant?