relationships & fetishes

[jaxc]

If anybody out there, especially anybody who's in or has been in a relationship and is into anything commonly considered "weird", how does someone who wants to be open about there interests/desires but is worried about there partners reaction share these interests/desires? and I know I could just date someone with similar "tastes" but I don't want to necessarily limit my options.

[ChadCoxRox]

what?
kinda, sorta, but not really...
that's how your question sounds.
It is easy to ask in social jest, in simple shootin' the bull, for fun or in one-on-one social conversations to find the right time to ask about interests in fetishes. If you want to have the option of being with someone who would not care for your fetish then just keep it to yourself, but then where does the interest in the fetish go? Do you think you might "age out" of the fetish such that it's just a whim for now or just how deep does the interest go? hmmm Now my curiosity is piqued. Don't be shy friend, let 'er rip tater chip! GS loves you!

[CellarDweller]

You just have to be open and honest about it, but not right away.

Once you see that there is a possible future there, and you've talked about sex/getting sexually active, that would be a time to gently bring it up.

When my last ex and I got to that level, I told him about my tickling kink. Of course, I had tickled him before that, playful little pokes here and there. We had a discussion about it. He told me he was uncomfortable with being restrained (which was not a problem for me) but as long as it was kept at a playful level, any of his ticklish spots were open game, and I took full advantage of that. LOL

[jaxc]

You just have to be open and honest about it, but not right away.

Once you see that there is a possible future there, and you've talked about sex/getting sexually active, that would be a time to gently bring it up.

When my last ex and I got to that level, I told him about my tickling kink. Of course, I had tickled him before that, playful little pokes here and there. We had a discussion about it. He told me he was uncomfortable with being restrained (which was not a problem for me) but as long as it was kept at a playful level, any of his ticklish spots were open game, and I took full advantage of that. LOL

Thanks! now how do I explain that I like sitting on piles of mashed potatoes and gravy while wearing a leather thong and hitting myself in the head with a squeaky mallet? :biggrin:

[CellarDweller]

as easily as possible, while looking as sexy as possible. Less chance at rejection. lol

[Bowyn Aerrow]

Depending on the kink you may want to rethink that not dating within certain circles.

BDSM type folk just find it easier to stick with folk who already have an interest in kink. Mostly because most folk who have no interest are not going to suddenly grow an interest in kink.

I fail to see why it is so many flat refuse to discuss these matter up front and establish 'this is my tastes, this is what I like' instead of playing the 'I pretend to be that which you want until later, then I'm going to pull out the cat o'nine and handcuffs and surprise you'.

Be what you are, not what you think someone one wants you to be. This way you get what you are looking for.

[Humeinator2]

I've got some kinks people find very strange, but If I talk sex with A guy, I simply tell them, and I am even more likely if it will be an actua relationship so I say just be blunt, but gentle (Tottally possible, but difficult

[Wardo94]

What I usually do is bring up the topic of sex, and try and to get to know them on that aspect. And then I asked them if they have any fetishes. "Yes" or "No", they usually respond back with a "How about you?" or whatever and then you say it from there. Usually works. How they react to it, you obviously can't control.

[AdamAndWill]

Thanks! now how do I explain that I like sitting on piles of mashed potatoes and gravy while wearing a leather thong and hitting myself in the head with a squeaky mallet? :biggrin:

Will: These would be real, homemade mashed potatoes and gravy, right? Because I can't abide that stuff that comes in little tubs and cans. Ruins the mood.

In the context of a long term relationship., sexual activity often changes and evolves over time. We're both open to things now that we wouldn't have been 5 years ago. I think that the level of trust counts for a lot, and makes it a lot easier to talk about things too.

[TwisttheLeaf]

I understand your concern about "limiting your options" and what it boils down to is..... is your fetish a need? Is it something you -have to- have in a relationship?

If so... then your options are already limited.

That said? When Gideon and I met and started seeing each other, I didn't have a -clue- about D/s... or the appeal of the "take down". These are things that Gideon introduced into our relationship from the start in subtle ways that grew into where we are today.

There's no reason you can't do the same with your fetishes.