Cheating, is he?, what should I do?!

[rroepcke]

So the guy I've been seeing for almost five months now has just downloaded grindr. One of my friends who also uses grindr - I don't use it- thought it'd be funny to strike up a conversation with him to see how it went. It started off innocently enough but my friend decided to pester him for 'fun'. This is how the conversation went:
Friend: 'looking for discrete fun'
SO: 'No thanks, I'm seeing someone. You are cute though'
Friend: 'You're just a body pic, body pic = fun'
SO: 'No, just friends thanks. I'm seeing someone.'
Friend: 'so'
SO: 'What are you into'
Friend: 'Being fucked, sucking'
SO: 'nice one'
Friend: 'you?'
SO: 'being sucked, topping, sucking'
Friend: 'so wanna play'
SO: 'I can't host, best we dont'
Friend: 'public fun'
SO: 'aha noo.'
Friend: 'You're a tease'
SO: 'no I'd be a tease if I sent a photo of my dick'
Friend: 'you want to'
SO: *sends photo of his penis*
Friend: 'I've got a car'
SO: 'we shouldn't do this'
Friend: 'why would you send a pic then?'

Then he blocked my friend. But he got screenshots first. What do you guys think? I don't know what I should do with this information. I don't think he has cheated before because of the blocking, but It's clear here that he seriously considered it. I don't know what to think. Please give me your POV's. How should I bring up this with him? I seriously do have strong feelings for him - I love him - but I also love myself (not in a conceited way, I just have self respect) and don't know what to do in this situation.

[Alex]

Sorry if I'm blunt but you're a disruptive idiot, he did not cheat, he chat and you have allowed your friend to play him and he showed it back to you and now you believe that he'll cheat on you. Take the guy's boots and put them on to your feet and see how you feel. Your friend should have stopped it where he first said no. You're both disgusting. 5 Months isn't much of a relationship, but if you allowed your friend to play such game with your boyfriend YOU're in no better position.

I have been 9 years with my husband and I started as young as 19 and I can tell you we both fucked around but we would have never played such childish games to one another and come back whining and asking advices in a public forum. I hope other will join me to say that you deserve the confusion that you have allowed your so-called friend to create. You may need to take a break on relationship and fuck your brain's out. Or at least let him go easy so he can continue on using GrindR and you find another one to play the same childish game.

Shame on you and your friend.

[East]

I just addressed this same thing on another board I am on...

I will C&P the part that I think is important.....

I have seen guys for years from behind the bar who loved the IDEA of having sex with lots of men but never followed through with it. They liked the thrill of the chase and the excitement of the catch and probably a whole lot of other things I didn't tune in to...and then it was curtains...

So...I don't agree with what you did at all. You didn't have sex with him and despite what he told you he may not have gone through with it. I watched this happen in person but from what I hear about the internet hookups and the "flakes" that everyone today is always complaining about...it just seems a lot more common these days as you have the safety of the computer screen to hide behind....

This reminds me of planting evidence and convicting someone of something he didn't do.

If your friend is happy about this....I guess you got the result you wanted. I think you did them both a disservice.

I was speaking to him but since this post is so similar...you may want to read the thread...

http://www.justusboys.com/forum/threads/...s-cheating

(He didn't like my advice )

[dynamodean]

I just addressed this same thing on another board I am on...

I will C&P the part that I think is important.....

I have seen guys for years from behind the bar who loved the IDEA of having sex with lots of men but never followed through with it. They liked the thrill of the chase and the excitement of the catch and probably a whole lot of other things I didn't tune in to...and then it was curtains...

So...I don't agree with what you did at all. You didn't have sex with him and despite what he told you he may not have gone through with it. I watched this happen in person but from what I hear about the internet hookups and the "flakes" that everyone today is always complaining about...it just seems a lot more common these days as you have the safety of the computer screen to hide behind....

This reminds me of planting evidence and convicting someone of something he didn't do.

If your friend is happy about this....I guess you got the result you wanted. I think you did them both a disservice.

I was speaking to him but since this post is so similar...you may want to read the thread...

http://www.justusboys.com/forum/threads/...s-cheating

(He didn't like my advice )

I was thinking of the exact same post/thread.

It's a bit different here for me as the OP is the actual boyfriend.

So, OP, do with the information what you want since he is your boyfriend. I would cut him some slack though since he seemed to want to flirt a bit and not actually cheat.

[excalibur77]

I wouldn't classify what he did as cheating. In fact, I would even say he earns points for telling the bait he's seeing someone, even though the bait didn't have to know that (especially if he was seriously looking to hookup). And when invited for a hookup, he also said "best we don't, we shouldn't do this."

Your guy had somewhat of a pattern, actually. No, no, yes, no, maybe, no, tease, maybe, no, block. (I would elaborate, but I'm on my phone.) Only a few times did he ever 'entertain' the idea, but more often than not he said no. He also established he's seeing someone, that he's only looking for friends, and then even ended up blocking your friend.

Who's to say your guy would have entertained the idea AT ALL if your friend didn't keep baiting him? What basically happened was your friend kept sticking up his butt against your guy's crotch, even after your guy says no multiple times AND tells your friend he's seeing someone. Then, in very brief moments of weakness (who can blame him, the butt's right there and the owner of the butt can't even see his face), your friend then goes "aha! you took the bait, you cheater!" when your guy looks at his butt and gives it an imaginary tap. Not really a fair way to say someone is "cheating." He was being baited at every step of the way.

I can't believe I'm actually defending someone who uses stupid Grindr. lol But seriously, your guy did nothing wrong. Just shrug it off. If you make a big deal out of it, you could lose him, and I really do believe he did nothing wrong.

[Humeinator2]

<--- agrees with ^
that wasn't cheating or entertaining the Idea of cheatin
trust me
horrid person I am, I have cheated, and let myself be seduced (I will say in my defense I was much more reluctant to be seduced then you might think, but the guy ended up playing to my desire to fix broken people, and he played to it well... that bastard...)
so take it from the terrible cheat himself
your guy isn't cheating

[Gideon]

I'm a possessive SOB which has been established in other threads, but the fact that he sent not only entertained the idea but sent a picture of his dick? Oh yeah, I'd be pissed.

Granted, it was really underhanded of you to trick him/set him up like that...therefore he has a right to his anger as well if you decide to confront him.

So I'd have to go with that you're both in the wrong here.

[Uneunsae]

^ Agreed. I wouldn't be happy if my BF was playing on Grindr.

[CellarDweller]

The fact that he downloaded grindr is a red flag to me.

He may not have physically cheated on you, but he feels like something is missing from your relationship, and went looking for it online.

You need to talk to him to find out exactly what he wants, and stop trying to trap him.

[AdamAndWill]

Sorry if I'm blunt but you're a disruptive idiot, he did not cheat, he chat and you have allowed your friend to play him and he showed it back to you and now you believe that he'll cheat on you. Take the guy's boots and put them on to your feet and see how you feel. Your friend should have stopped it where he first said no. You're both disgusting. 5 Months isn't much of a relationship, but if you allowed your friend to play such game with your boyfriend YOU're in no better position.

I have been 9 years with my husband and I started as young as 19 and I can tell you we both fucked around but we would have never played such childish games to one another and come back whining and asking advices in a public forum. I hope other will join me to say that you deserve the confusion that you have allowed your so-called friend to create. You may need to take a break on relationship and fuck your brain's out. Or at least let him go easy so he can continue on using GrindR and you find another one to play the same childish game.

Shame on you and your friend.

Will: Hey Alex, tell us how you really feel lol -

I couldn't agree with you more, I feel like I'm in freaking kindergarten reading this crap. Our 3 year old has more sense.