Addendum To The Threesome Question...

[deepu69]

For me, three is ALWAYS a crowd...

[ChitChat]

It's funny how (for some of us) our viewpoints and ideas change about certain things as we grow older.

I was always the monogamous relationship kinda guy with concrete ideals/rules/constructs about how things "should" go...no ifs, ands, or buts, no compromising, etc.

After being in a relationship for five plus years now, that old mindset is basically thrown out of the window. When you really love and care about someone, it's not so easy be so cut and dry about everything. Part of the deal is compromising and tying to understand where your partner is coming from.

If my partner came to me and mentioned the idea of trying a threesome, I would first question what his intentions are, why he wants to do it, etc. just to be sure he's not wanting to jump into something like that for all the WRONG reasons.

At this point in my life, I can honestly say that I would not be opposed to it. But I wouldn't agree to such a thing until I'm sure we're both on the same page, and get all the "housekeeping" done beforehand. Threesome don't seem to be something just any couple can do well without having dead set rules on the table at the start.

tl:dr...your mindset about such things can (and sometimes WILL) change over time. I'm not opposed to the idea, but I will make some inquiries first.

I tend to agree OkayOkay. I used to have such concrete concepts of relationship do's and don'ts. I've been with people who wanted to have things outside of the relationship and spent time talking me into it until I finally gave in. Then they would come back and have a problem with it even though it was their idea if the first place. Go figure! Then again I have been with people that were already doing things like that and did a reversal and didn't want anythng but monogamous. I guess what I learned is that it is really a very individual decision to make and understanding all the possible outcomes of it that could happen later on. I'd be real danged sure (as I have stated before concerning this) that there is a very GOOD line of communication between all individuals BEFORE it happens. Of course not all indivduals think thay way either. I like your detail though. It makes a very valid point.

[AdamAndWill]

[quote=ChitChat]I tend to agree OkayOkay. I used to have such concrete concepts of relationship do's and don'ts. I've been with people who wanted to have things outside of the relationship and spent time talking me into it until I finally gave in. Then they would come back and have a problem with it even though it was their idea if the first place. Go figure! Then again I have been with people that were already doing things like that and did a reversal and didn't want anythng but monogamous. I guess what I learned is that it is really a very individual decision to make and understanding all the possible outcomes of it that could happen later on. I'd be real danged sure (as I have stated before concerning this) that there is a very GOOD line of communication between all individuals BEFORE it happens. Of course not all indivduals think thay way either. I like your detail though. It makes a very valid point.[/QUOTE

(Adam) I couldn't agree more with what you say about communication - to me, that's what makes or breaks a relationship. Will and I have been together 6 years and thought we had it nailed, but over the past months have ended up in couples therapy trying to sort out some pretty basic issues. Go figure.
I have NO idea why he started musing about threesomes --- what with our jobs, all the details of daily life and trying to bring up a kid, we barely have time for twosomes lol. But yeah, you guys are right that things change with time. 5 years ago we would have had no problem with a threesome or almost anything else. Now, it wouldn't work for either of us. In our case, we feel like that's progress.

[Virge]

I got led down that road in the early days dating jay with him convincing me it was part of my education. It didn't last long because I educated him by acting like I enjoyed fucking other guys more than him which brought about his first pangs of possessiveness. He's one of those guys who doesn't think anything is a good idea unless he thinks of it first so I always keep my mouth shut and make sure he thinks of it before I do.

I make no judgments against people who do threesomes because of what I call the Bullwinkle Rule from a cartoon where Bullwinkle is trying to save them from drowning in a basement from a busted overhead pipe using some of the craziest danged things left in the basement. Rocky screams out for him to hurry or they'll drown. Bullwinkle snaps, "Shut up I'm doing the best I can with the tools I've got. That statement is true of EVERYONE in everything they do everyday of their lives. Everyone is doing all they can with what they have to work with to make it from one day to the next.

But now that I've said that. Once *he*came*up*with*the*idea* that it was time for us to move away from his idea that were should stop being Friends with benefits and try working on a relationship. I put it right out on the line for him. "you better go ahead and line yourself up with some big Aussie with a big dick just in case you fuck up. Because if you do you'll never see mine again."

That was my first outward show of possessiveness and after that he's been the happiest guy on earth to be owned. Cutting up about sex with others and all that is fun and games --- but for us --- I could never do it and hurt him that way and after the years passed he got around to telling me that if I'd said those words to him earlier he'd have probably stopped messing around and tried monogamy sooner....

[HIkerSkier]

If you're not into it, then you're just not into it. But it can be pure hedonistic sex in the right circumstances. Best done when you are far from home on vacation, where there is no possibility of seeing the third guy again, so no romantic feelings can get very far if they do surface.

[Virge]

If you're not into it, then you're just not into it. But it can be pure hedonistic sex in the right circumstances. Best done when you are far from home on vacation, where there is no possibility of seeing the third guy again, so no romantic feelings can get very far if they do surface.

And with all I said that was against threesomes I don't expect my relationship not change in ten or twenty years even though I can't see it now. One day Jay and I may want to do threesomes but it will definitely be way down the road. Right now I'm liking the feeling of him feeling he owns me and the same goes for him. it's not us being old fashioned or prudish but recognizing that an involvement with an third person would mess up the magic that's going on now and there's nothing wrong with making it last as long as it will last.

[AdamAndWill]

And with all I said that was against threesomes I don't expect my relationship not change in ten or twenty years even though I can't see it now. One day Jay and I may want to do threesomes but it will definitely be way down the road. Right now I'm liking the feeling of him feeling he owns me and the same goes for him. it's not us being old fashioned or prudish but recognizing that an involvement with an third person would mess up the magic that's going on now and there's nothing wrong with making it last as long as it will last.

(Adam) Exactly - and it's lasted for us through 5 1/2 years of living together and just gets better. IDK, but maybe the reason we feel so strongly about being sexually exclusive is the connection - and yeah, at times it seemed like it was the only connection we had, but it was strong enough to get us through. So many people, gay and straight, seem to give up and move on if things get bad, but that's never been an option for us --- too damn stubborn I guess. And I have no idea how it will be in a week or a month or in years to come. We go with what works at the moment.

[Anocxu]

I got led down that road in the early days dating jay with him convincing me it was part of my education. It didn't last long because I educated him by acting like I enjoyed fucking other guys more than him which brought about his first pangs of possessiveness. He's one of those guys who doesn't think anything is a good idea unless he thinks of it first so I always keep my mouth shut and make sure he thinks of it before I do.

I make no judgments against people who do threesomes because of what I call the Bullwinkle Rule from a cartoon where Bullwinkle is trying to save them from drowning in a basement from a busted overhead pipe using some of the craziest danged things left in the basement. Rocky screams out for him to hurry or they'll drown. Bullwinkle snaps, "Shut up I'm doing the best I can with the tools I've got. That statement is true of EVERYONE in everything they do everyday of their lives. Everyone is doing all they can with what they have to work with to make it from one day to the next.

But now that I've said that. Once *he*came*up*with*the*idea* that it was time for us to move away from his idea that were should stop being Friends with benefits and try working on a relationship. I put it right out on the line for him. "you better go ahead and line yourself up with some big Aussie with a big dick just in case you fuck up. Because if you do you'll never see mine again."

That was my first outward show of possessiveness and after that he's been the happiest guy on earth to be owned. Cutting up about sex with others and all that is fun and games --- but for us --- I could never do it and hurt him that way and after the years passed he got around to telling me that if I'd said those words to him earlier he'd have probably stopped messing around and tried monogamy sooner....

You went through all that to tell us that you are hung?[emoji13]

[Anocxu]

I got led down that road in the early days dating jay with him convincing me it was part of my education. It didn't last long because I educated him by acting like I enjoyed fucking other guys more than him which brought about his first pangs of possessiveness. He's one of those guys who doesn't think anything is a good idea unless he thinks of it first so I always keep my mouth shut and make sure he thinks of it before I do.

I make no judgments against people who do threesomes because of what I call the Bullwinkle Rule from a cartoon where Bullwinkle is trying to save them from drowning in a basement from a busted overhead pipe using some of the craziest danged things left in the basement. Rocky screams out for him to hurry or they'll drown. Bullwinkle snaps, "Shut up I'm doing the best I can with the tools I've got. That statement is true of EVERYONE in everything they do everyday of their lives. Everyone is doing all they can with what they have to work with to make it from one day to the next.

But now that I've said that. Once *he*came*up*with*the*idea* that it was time for us to move away from his idea that were should stop being Friends with benefits and try working on a relationship. I put it right out on the line for him. "you better go ahead and line yourself up with some big Aussie with a big dick just in case you fuck up. Because if you do you'll never see mine again."

That was my first outward show of possessiveness and after that he's been the happiest guy on earth to be owned. Cutting up about sex with others and all that is fun and games --- but for us --- I could never do it and hurt him that way and after the years passed he got around to telling me that if I'd said those words to him earlier he'd have probably stopped messing around and tried monogamy sooner....

You went through all that to tell us that you are hung?[emoji13]

[AdamAndWill]

You went through all that to tell us that you are hung?[emoji13]

Will: Lol yeah...a picture would have done the job a lot quicker...