I'm lesbian but I want to date men

[Anonymous]

well this is irrelevant seeing as you have zero sexual attraction for men. you're not gonna be less lonely by dating men who want to do you while you'd really be hanging out with the women, while leading the guys on. you'll still be as lonely as you are now.

i don't know much about lesbians or how they hook up, but i am finding it difficult to believe all of them play games like that. it might be the way you're trying to hook up, or where you find these women that might be the problem. sure there must be other lesbians who want what you do.

i met them both at a club /gay bar . I want to be loved and I want to love someone else and be with someone and people act like that's so wrong or it's such a turn off that I want more and not to just hit the sheets .

[Pix]

The few times I went to clubs and bars (gay or straight) the people there weren't looking for love and romance, they were looking for a good time, including in sex (nothing wrong with that for those seeking that out, but that's not what you're after). That is to say you're looking in the wrong place. Speaking of which, men play games all the time as well. And they want sex. And they can go to extreme lengths to get it, and some are masters of twisting women around their fingers, especially desperate ones. The ones at bars can be especially obnoxious and even dangerous.

And what you're essentially describing is being FRIENDS with men, not a partner. 'Course a true friend, and one who loved and respected a man, would never mislead him about his or her true intentions and desires just so you can cling to him.

But if you're too desperate to find "the one" to love and all that you could also come off as too clingy which drives people (men and women) away as it's too much too soon and feels more like desperation rather than a true connection. It often feels smothering and putting too much of a burden on the other person for your self-esteem (which almost never turns out well for either person).

And many people will find you more intriguing and attractive if you have a life (that is interests, goals, and hobbies of your own other than finding someone to attach yourself to), which will also help you be in the right place (rather than some bar) to meet that special kindred spirit.

But if you're simply not interested in anything other than having a partner, even if with no sex, then at least look up asexuals (male and female). Though even that strikes me as unethical as sooner or later you're almost certainly going to meet a lesbian who is one you can fully relate to and connect with and then even if you've become fond of the surrogate you've been using you'll find a way to rationalize betraying the trust you tricked him (or her) into putting into you and inflict terrible pain on that person who was there for you (or you'll be miserable in which case you'll just find ways to make him miserable, too). And some lesbians would never overlook that you did that.

[Sensibility]

I'll date you What kinda food do ya like, I'll take you out haha.

[JimmyEcho]

I'll just tell him I'm celibate

Yeah, O.K.
Good luck with that.

[Anonymous]

The few times I went to clubs and bars (gay or straight) the people there weren't looking for love and romance, they were looking for a good time, including in sex (nothing wrong with that for those seeking that out, but that's not what you're after). That is to say you're looking in the wrong place. Speaking of which, men play games all the time as well. And they want sex. And they can go to extreme lengths to get it, and some are masters of twisting women around their fingers, especially desperate ones. The ones at bars can be especially obnoxious and even dangerous.

And what you're essentially describing is being FRIENDS with men, not a partner. 'Course a true friend, and one who loved and respected a man, would never mislead him about his or her true intentions and desires just so you can cling to him.

But if you're too desperate to find "the one" to love and all that you could also come off as too clingy which drives people (men and women) away as it's too much too soon and feels more like desperation rather than a true connection. It often feels smothering and putting too much of a burden on the other person for your self-esteem (which almost never turns out well for either person).

And many people will find you more intriguing and attractive if you have a life (that is interests, goals, and hobbies of your own other than finding someone to attach yourself to), which will also help you be in the right place (rather than some bar) to meet that special kindred spirit.

But if you're simply not interested in anything other than having a partner, even if with no sex, then at least look up asexuals (male and female). Though even that strikes me as unethical as sooner or later you're almost certainly going to meet a lesbian who is one you can fully relate to and connect with and then even if you've become fond of the surrogate you've been using you'll find a way to rationalize betraying the trust you tricked him (or her) into putting into you and inflict terrible pain on that person who was there for you (or you'll be miserable in which case you'll just find ways to make him miserable, too). And some lesbians would never overlook that you did that.

Why would they never overlook it ?

[Pix]

Why would they never overlook it ?

1. Because it's a terrible thing to do to someone who cares about you when you were just using and deceiving them "until something better came along." The lesbian would feel the pain you inflicted on your "partner" and would not want to be apart of it because she would feel terrible for the hurt you (and she) would be causing.

2. It shows how selfish you are to the point that you'll destroy someone else to get anything you want, either uncaring or incapable of understanding how it affects people who are willing to love you and live up to your demands while you don't treat them as a person but as a resource that you take from without giving back and dispose of when they're no longer useful. The obvious question some lesbians would ask is, "When is she going to screw ME over, too? And how fast will she dump me the same way if she finds someone she likes even better?"

But don't worry, there are lesbians who love that kind of drama. 'Course when the drama dries up they may get bored with you or they may discard you the same way you discarded your former...whatever...when they decide they found someone better than you. After all, if it's not wrong for you to do it to someone else then it's not wrong for someone else to do it to you.

[TwisttheLeaf]

I haven't read all the responses but you know what? I'm going to respond anyway because this post has been on my mind since I first saw it.

You sound like a sociopath... and that isn't a compliment in any way, shape, or form.

Do you have ANY idea how HURTFUL your proposed behavior would be to the men you date? How much damage, both emotional and psychological, you can do to someone by doing what you're proposing? Leading them on, telling them your celibate, letting them have hope they have ANY chance with you when they clearly don't.

This is the kind of shit that breeds the misogynistic mindset that so many straight men often display towards women.

Jesus. Make yourself some friends to hang out with and have a good time with. At least then you're being -honest- with those you are spending time with instead of lying, misleading and, ultimately, hurting them.

People don't like being jerked around. Seriously.

[Anocxu]

Men are so overrated!
Stick to women...

[bilkiba]

Honestly... if you're that desperate, can't you look on local dating sites for women? I'm a woman dating a woman I met online... it was really fucking easy too, there were no games, we both were straightforward early on and everything has worked out fine. And I know of plenty of lesbians who have long time girlfriends and didn't have the problems you're having...

It's because you're trying to meet people at clubs/bars and all people there want is sex (in most cases) and not a relationship... Look for girls where they will want a relationship and don't treat guys like crap like that... how would you like to be led on by a straight girl, pretending to be a celibate lesbian, because she was so lonely and couldn't find a man, then eventually left you for a man? It would suck, yeah? So don't do that to other people. Just change your approach and look somewhere else.

You have many better options than clubs and bars. I hope you find the right woman.

[Anonymous]

Honestly... if you're that desperate, can't you look on local dating sites for women? I'm a woman dating a woman I met online... it was really fucking easy too, there were no games, we both were straightforward early on and everything has worked out fine. And I know of plenty of lesbians who have long time girlfriends and didn't have the problems you're having...

It's because you're trying to meet people at clubs/bars and all people there want is sex (in most cases) and not a relationship... Look for girls where they will want a relationship and don't treat guys like crap like that... how would you like to be led on by a straight girl, pretending to be a celibate lesbian, because she was so lonely and couldn't find a man, then eventually left you for a man? It would suck, yeah? So don't do that to other people. Just change your approach and look somewhere else.

You have many better options than clubs and bars. I hope you find the right woman.

Your right I 'm looking in all the wrong places and most of these women in bars and clubs just want sex . But where are good places to meet bisexual women and lesbians I have no idea i'm confused where to go besides the gay club . I'll stop going to the clubs from now on .