I know it is a difficult thing to accomplish AeolianRage, but my advice is try to stop looking at the flaws in your life... your personality, physical appearance and so forth. Most people who tend to examine themselves too closely in a mirror either focus on the perfect or imperfect. It is a little like not being able to see the forest for the trees. Few people can examine their own lives objectively. There are far too many ideals set forth by both by media and real world situations that prevent most people from seeing themselves very clearly. The end result, more often than not, is that we hold ourselves next to media ideals, or lives of people we perceive to be far better than our own, and find ourselves lacking, flawed, and frustrated that we cannot seem to achieve the gold standard.
You must realize that failure is the only way humans learn. If it were me I would thoughtfully examine what you consider your failures, as well as your triumphs (because success is at least as important as failure), and consider ways to change your future. Try not to dwell on what you might have done differently to change the situation because in doing so you're dwelling on the past. Your future is what is important. You can learn from your past, but don't live there.
And really, stop looking for love. Join a club. Find a gym. Post messages on a message board.
Find a project you care about and pour yourself into it. Don't stop trying to achieve the life you want because you may (or may not) have failed in the attempt. Love will probably find you when you're knee deep in issues that are related to something outside yourself (and often, although not always, with the worst possible timing). People will see who you are, how you comport yourself, most clearly when you're doing something that you're passionate about.
Smile if you want, grimace if you must, be grumpy if you feel like it, but find something you care about, and divert your attention to it, and be yourself. Too many people put up a facade while trying to meet a significant other and are surprised and shocked when the relationship crumbles. Do you want to make the best possible first impression? Of course. Make sure you wear clean underwear, by all means. It isn't wise, though, to give others a too idealized version of yourself. It is too difficult (impossible I believe) to try and live that idealized version of yourself for any length of time, especially in close proximity to another person.
Shyness is so difficult to overcome. It's easy to say, just open yourself up and try something new. Take a bit of time, look around, and see what catches your fancy besides the nearest hot body. I'm not a "know-it-all" darlin', but I have felt as you do more times than I care to count. It took me too long to stop doing the same thing to get a different result. If I've over stepped my apologies. If not, I'm glad.
All is not lost. Tomorrow
is another day!
"There are three things I know in life: One, you make your own reality and destinies. Two, no matter where you move, no matter how many times you move, there will always be an International Male catalogue on your doorstep, and when you open it you'll feel fat. And number three, if you want something, really want something, for all the right reasons, grab it by the balls, and don't let go."
[SIZE="1"]....from the motion picture The Mostly Unfabulous Social Life of Ethan Green
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