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Hopefully you've kept records of him threatening to blackmail you. Take them to the police. Meet him for lunch, and take the police with you.
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Ok,
Going to offer an alternative here.
We are assuming you have not told your parents you are bi, have you told your parents?
What would be the reason for sending screenshots of the convos and pics to your parents?
Because you are bi and haven't told them?
If the only reason for the blackmail is because you haven't told your parents you are bi, then whether you tell them or not is not as important as him BELIEVING you have. So why not just tell HIM that you've already come out to your parents and they know everything about him specifically. You don't actually have to do it, just make him believe you have.
Then I would report all the threats and blackmail to Skype and have his account disabled by them. Get the police involved. You can do all of this without telling your parents.
But in the end I would consider coming out in your own way on your own time.
Take the control back, but definitely do not have lunch with him, DO NOT meet him in person.
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ETOTE Wrote:Ok,
Going to offer an alternative here.
We are assuming you have not told your parents you are bi, have you told your parents?
What would be the reason for sending screenshots of the convos and pics to your parents?
Because you are bi and haven't told them?
If the only reason for the blackmail is because you haven't told your parents you are bi, then whether you tell them or not is not as important as him BELIEVING you have. So why not just tell HIM that you've already come out to your parents and they know everything about him specifically. You don't actually have to do it, just make him believe you have.
Then I would report all the threats and blackmail to Skype and have his account disabled by them. Get the police involved. You can do all of this without telling your parents.
But in the end I would consider coming out in your own way on your own time.
Take the control back, but definitely do not have lunch with him, DO NOT meet him in person.
This last line I would stress -heavily-
If he is unstable enough to use blackmail to get what he wants, to threaten you...whether he would do it or not, it is NOT someone you should be meeting with in person. Especially not to appease his bullying tendencies.
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Meeting him face to face is a really bad idea. It sends him the message that his blackmail threats have worked and he has control over you.
Do you have a close friend you can tell? (Family, school teacher or otherwise) You don't mention how old he is?
You need to cancel this "lunch" date, then delete and block him on whatever social media/grindr profiles your using, as well as your phone if he has your number. If your on Facebook make sure you have the settings set to private so he can't see your profile.
Whatever you do, please PLEASE do not meet this guy. He's going to be trouble all round.
Good Luck,
ObW
X
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Good advise everywhere here. Do not meet with this man. His actions are nearly textbook examples of someone with severe control issues. Based upon your description, this man is mentally unbalanced, possibly dangerous.
Whether you decide to simply cut off communications with him and wait to see if he's gaming you to out yourself, or you take the bull by the horns and come out to your parents, don't meet with him. Another thing to consider... What if he decides to visit your house in person? Not to be an alarmist, but if he knows where you live and has the means to get there, the potential for ugly, harmful behavior is possible. There is more to this now than just your secret unfortunately.
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thanks everyone for your replies, something i forgot to mention, my parents already know i like boys, them finding out is not the issue, it's the actual content of the messages he is threatening to show them. (the not PG shit) stuff that will most likely scar my parents for like no joke it's that bad (don't judge)
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ETOTE Wrote:Ok,
Going to offer an alternative here.
We are assuming you have not told your parents you are bi, have you told your parents?
What would be the reason for sending screenshots of the convos and pics to your parents?
Because you are bi and haven't told them?
If the only reason for the blackmail is because you haven't told your parents you are bi, then whether you tell them or not is not as important as him BELIEVING you have. So why not just tell HIM that you've already come out to your parents and they know everything about him specifically. You don't actually have to do it, just make him believe you have.
Then I would report all the threats and blackmail to Skype and have his account disabled by them. Get the police involved. You can do all of this without telling your parents.
But in the end I would consider coming out in your own way on your own time.
Take the control back, but definitely do not have lunch with him, DO NOT meet him in person.
Yes, my parents know, he's smarter than you think, i've already tried that haha!
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Also, most of you seem to have thought that he is mentally disabled and dangerous. Guys, I'm not an idiot, yes it may have been stupid of me to give him my address, but i am a god judge of character, i wouldn't have done it unless i was 100% sure he wasn't dangerous or mean spirited, he is not. I have skyped him a couple times and had genuine conversations. he said that stuff about san fran and all that because he thought he really liked me or something i dunno, im not trying to stand up for him, more for myself.
Telling my parents isn't the issue, it's the shock they'll get when they open that envelope, which is totally out of my control
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As everyone else has said...Report him to local authorities. Giving him your address was a mistake but if he refuses to leave you alone or shows up at your place...Maybe you can snapshot the threatening e-mails about him exposing you to your parents? Maybe you could even place a restraining order against him. Sorry you're going through this.....
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Twanno Wrote:Also, most of you seem to have thought that he is mentally disabled and dangerous. Guys, I'm not an idiot, yes it may have been stupid of me to give him my address, but i am a god judge of character, i wouldn't have done it unless i was 100% sure he wasn't dangerous or mean spirited, he is not. I have skyped him a couple times and had genuine conversations. he said that stuff about san fran and all that because he thought he really liked me or something i dunno, im not trying to stand up for him, more for myself.
Telling my parents isn't the issue, it's the shock they'll get when they open that envelope, which is totally out of my control
Please, I don't think that you're an idiot. I think, from your first description of the situation most everyone gave you sound advice. As it happens I still think that advice is valid. No matter how much you may have communicated, and in what manner, people who prey on other people show you what they want to show you. They show you what you desperately want to see, and often it isn't truth.
The fact is, he is still blackmailing you. If he's using you by threatening to out this really intense information to your parents, who already know that you're gay, then he must know that this information is worth enough to hold it over your head. Don't see him again. If he cares for you he'll keep this conversation from your parents.
What if you make a miss-step in your dealings somewhere along the line with him? What if he decides he's tired of you, or gaming you? And I do strongly believe that you're being gamed. This is still a control issue for him. Power over you. Do you really want to be a puppet? What if he does have these caps and decides, after making you jump through whatever hoops he provides for whatever reason, to mail what he has to your parents anyway. Blackmail information often lasts forever.
I won't say anymore. Please be careful and be smart.
xx
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