My first real love was a train wreck. Not your average Amtrak-smashes-into-truck wreck, but a full-blown train-smashes-into-truck-carrying-kittens-puppies-and-elderly-grandmas wreck.
At the time, I was so deep in the closet that I was in Narnia petting unicorns. I could not accept that I was gay, that it was healthy and natural for me to be gay. I was in such denial that I had been living a lie with a woman I knew from high school. We had moved in together and had plans to get married, which we eventually did. (I'll give news coverage of THAT train wreck another time.) Then, my best friend moved in with us to help out with bills. He was everything I had ever wanted in a man or a friend. Kind, compassionate, loyal to the end, and a six pack that begged for my attention. Over time, I spent more and more time with him, and less and less with my wife. My friendship with him was a major cause of our fighting, and she tried to call me out more than once on my feelings for him. He never knew, because I could never tell him. Aside from my own insecurities, he was a devout Mormon and straight as straight could be. Sad to admit, I followed him like a lost puppy for quite some time, hoping and praying for any opening that would lead to the relationship I wanted so badly. Ultimately, when I did come out to him, I was told that he considered me a sinner, but he still wanted to be friends. Shortly thereafter, he moved out of state and our friendship died.
I felt so betrayed and hurt that it took almost a year to figure things out and get past it.
For all my intelligence and book-learning, I can be a real dumbass.
![[-]](https://gayspeak.com/images/duende_v3_local/collapse.png)
•
memechose Wrote:[SIZE="5"][COLOR="Red"]@ >>Willdam<<
Read what I underlined and bolded above.
Maybe we need to combine forces and recruit a few other GS people to teach that to all the people struggling to make relationships work.
That is the key to making things work. It's what we describe as our sense of being an "us" and not just a him and a me. The "us" always comes first.[/COLOR][/SIZE]
Combine forces? Yeah, you and I could go SWAT mode, haul them in and then let Jay handle the psychological healing...IDK man, but I think he'd have waaay more patience and tact than either of us...and I seriously doubt that he'd be inclined to shoot them if they didn't listen...
•
AdamAndWill Wrote:Combine forces? Yeah, you and I could go SWAT mode, haul them in and then let Jay handle the psychological healing...IDK man, but I think he'd have waaay more patience and tact than either of us...and I seriously doubt that he'd be inclined to shoot them if they didn't listen...
Yeah.... you're right. I'd be hanging people up by their fingers in the soundproof storm shelter and calling it re-education classes. It'd be faster than doing it the chit chat way.
•
Dang dude, now that is a one hell of a love story. If I may say, I believe it is true love! The truest of all, I could feel how intense it was as I was reading. Let us all hope to have such a love story. Good for you man! Wish you two all the best.
Love! <3
•
I only had three occasions where I felt like I "fell in love". And out of those, one was real, now that I have grown older and realized and it was only an immature love. My first one was with a straight guy. We met on Xbox and I was very young. I was maybe 14 or older. As soon as we started talking and hanging out, we became instant best friends. We got closer and closer as time went on. At some point, I started getting feelings for him, from which I didn't tell him at first since he was straight. But then I eventually did, and I can't remember if he reacted to it Wel or not, but at some point, he got feelings for me as well. Which I was surprised. From there, I though I turned him gay/bi and I felt like we were both deeply in love. We spoke about marriage and having kids. He lived in Maryland, and me in New York, so we got pillows to cuddle with at night, and pretended it was one another. I know, weird, but that was our way of showing our "love". We messed around and everything. At some point, we were planning to meet up with eachother. His mom and dad were fine with it, and by then, they trusted me enough since we knew eachother for so many years. As time went on from there, he changed. He started getting distant and eventually told me that he was just really curious and on the side of liking guys. What got me really hurt was that he was acting like we didn't have anything. As if we had a fling or something. And he became a major, major douche and was back to his lady macking ways. I honestly don't know if that or my second time falling in love was worse for me. But overall, they were both hard on me. Now looking back at it, it wasn't real and we never really had anything going on. I was immature and didn't know what real love is. And I may not know now either, but I have a better understanding of it, thanks to those two instances of falling for those guys. I really did learn a lot from that.
•
My first love...
My first love was probably more aptly called my first crush. His name was Dean Darling, and he was older than I was, which was fourteen at the time. I was lucky because he could have been a guy out to use me and then toss me away in any condition, alive or dead.
Dean Darling (how could you not fall for someone who's last name is Darling, I ask you?) was sweet, talented, and witty to the point that nearly everything he said produced laughter among those of us who knew him. He was gentle with me, and we never did have anything more than a warm closeness. We did not have sex. He drew the line at the age difference between us. But he listened to me like no one else would have. He was the first person I told that I was gay. He held me. And I loved him.
He died of AIDS years after I knew him. I'll miss him, and never forget him.
•
Alex Wrote:Oh Sandy baby you made me cry again, I love you sooo much baby girl 
I love you too daddy Lexy, thanks for everything you made me a better woman in so many ways
•
Stevie Wrote:My first love...
My first love was probably more aptly called my first crush. His name was Dean Darling, and he was older than I was, which was fourteen at the time. I was lucky because he could have been a guy out to use me and then toss me away in any condition, alive or dead.
Dean Darling (how could you not fall for someone who's last name is Darling, I ask you?) was sweet, talented, and witty to the point that nearly everything he said produced laughter among those of us who knew him. He was gentle with me, and we never did have anything more than a warm closeness. We did not have sex. He drew the line at the age difference between us. But he listened to me like no one else would have. He was the first person I told that I was gay. He held me. And I loved him.
He died of AIDS years after I knew him. I'll miss him, and never forget him.
OH DEAR, I am so sorry for your loss. Despite this heartbreaking and devastating memory... his good memories will accompany you.
•
I just submitted a thread griping about how badly things ended with my ex. I don't know how long it will take to be approved or rejected. Whether I receive pity or criticism is fine, I prefer honesty and advice I can use. I apologize if I seem less than amicable in the near future. If I had the nerve I would have far more to say.
•
|
Wanna share your story of your first love?
