his past relationships and sexual history

[Cuddly]

I don't understand this. He's with you now. Why aren't you curious about what he did before he met you? Talking about it doesn't mean he's going back to them. Not talking about it doesn't mean he doesn't think about it. All you gotta do is to give better head than the exes

[AdamAndWill]

Will: I have no problem talking about past relationship with Adam - his and mine - but I don't want to hear explicit sexual details, and neither does he.

As for being friends with your ex --- Adam has a very close friend with whom he shares a sexual and emotional history. They've both moved on, his friend is actually married now and we will be too pretty soon - but I recognize that the friendship is important to both of them. So I've handled it by trying to become friends with the ex and his husband as well. It defuses the situation, and it has made clear to me that I have nothing to worry about.

[Bowyn Aerrow]

(sigh)

And this is yet one more reason why I am not that envious of people in their 20's... Yet one more thing that crops up and kills relationships.

Oh no - I'm not picking a side here between you two. He is insensitive to bring up his past conquests laying there in the after glow of sex, you are too sensitive to not let is slide off like water off a ducks back.

You are both wrong and both right....

How is he right? By not keeping secrets, by not trying to hide his past and his emotions and stuff. Yeah sure, post sex after glow is not the right time to start 'bragging' about what he has done with others.... However talking about his past, his experiences is his attempt to tell you what he likes in bed and hopefully get you two talking about sex and working out the likes and dislikes thing.

I take it you two are both into vanilla sex only... thus no real discussion, no Check List(s), and perhaps you would prefer ya'll just mind read likes and dislikes and where the buttons are and in what order to press them.

As for friends with exes - if has been able to part company with them without there being police involved or a questionable disappearance of the ex consider this to be a plus - a big plus considering out nasty, mean, cruel and even violent break-ups can be. If he parted company on friendly terms it means that the chances of having a long term working, NICE relationship with him is higher.

[meridannight]

i have no problem with explicit sexual details as long as it's in the past tense. what difference does it make? i have the same sexual stuff in my past.

i think two people in a relationship should be able to be open about their past and sex. and sex in the past. i'd want to know for one. and for two you can learn quite a number of things about your partner from such information. actually, i'd have a problem if he DIDN'T want to tell me about his sexual history.

not judging anyone but i think it's a little juvenile to ignore that part of the guy you're with.

[Steve]

I really do not understand your lack of wanting to know his sexual history. The "stick my head in the sand and pretend it never happened" approach is non productive. However severe it may seem for me to say, it bespeaks insecurity on your behalf.

Maybe he was too graphic, but maybe he was also trying to tell you that you might need to stretch your wings, so to speak, in terms of sex. I am strongly inclined to believe that version especially since you had just finished having sex for the first time. Maybe he is used to something a bit more wild than you're willing to participate in.

Or he might have just been bragging to try to impress you and didn't realize how much it would upset you. Frankly if Mark had told me he didn't want to hear graphic details of my sexual escapades from my past, even when we were in bed before or after our first time, I would thought he was joking. If he wasn't joking then I'd have seriously had to reconsider wanting to continue a relationship with him. The devil is in the details, and I not only want to know them about my partner, I want him to know them about me.

In any case, this conversation was not an effective means for him to communicate. If he just misunderstood your (rather unreasonable, I think) complete lack of desire to hear details of his past, then you need to both work on your communication skills. If he was trying to tell you he needs more from you during sex, then hinting about past encounters is a pretty ineffective method. If he was bragging, again he needs to understand how you feel.

As for being friends with his ex's... You're not employing good deductive reasoning if you don't understand that it bodes well that he is friends with his ex partners. The lack of ill feeling toward an ex, especially more than one than one ex, wins him points in my book. It indicates that he has a pretty good handle on his emotions, that he can separate his past from his present, and that he has the ability to pull back from a love situation to just friendship.

I would seriously examine the need on your part to obliterate his past sexual history. Insecurity by one partner or the other isn't healthy in a loving relationship.

[AdamAndWill]

(Adam) Well...the first night I spent with Will was the best sex I had ever had or imagined having, so I would have been embarrassed to tell him about the guys who came before him --- since they all seemed totally lame by comparison. And IDK, but when he wanted me to "expand my horizons", he found more inventive ways of making it happen than telling me how he used to do it with some other guy.

I only have one ex who's significant, and Will and I are both friends with him. We see a couple of his exes socially -I have no issue with them being around, after all, I'm the one he chose.

[HeartAmethyst]

I wouldn't say who is wrong or right. That's the tricky thing about relationship. Sometimes the things they say may or may not mean what you think they mean. Your boyfriend may simply being open and honest or otherwise. You might hate this phrase, but sometimes you just have to "Carpe Diem." Pay more attention to the good times you two share.

[Lambert]

THink you're a bit like me, kinda sensitive.some people here are saying you are wrong etc, what I can say is that it's not bad. They call it insecurity, it's not , some people just don't want to hear their bfs talking about sex with other guys, unless they into that. At the end of the day, it's your choice, and if you want to meet someone just how you want, your choice too. Not everyone likes it, but they're not you.

[Cejai]

There are so many factors here that must be taken in account. First, maybe he was trying to impress you some weird way. Second is the length of the relationship. If it's new then you are just bring introduced into his life this is a very fragile stage. You are both feeling each other out still so in no way realistically does He owe you anything. His exes made him who he is. They have prepared him for you for better or worse. The flagrant graphic tellings are very rude so that you need to decide if you can live with it. As I said it could be a twisted way of keeping you around or it could be just disregard for your feelings. If it's disregard then run don't walk cause most likely it will only become more so and you would be hurt in the end. The worse thing is waking up looking at him smiling with that feeling that makes your eyes smile and thinking today will be different. Most people are on their best behavior in the beginning and this doesn't seem like the best

[Gabriel]

Before we got together, Jace (my husband) was married briefly (to a woman), and when that ended he turned intro a total slut lol. If I obsessed about what he's done and with whom, I wouldn't have time for anything else. He's really awful, we'll be in a bar or somewhere and some guy will walk by and Jace will whisper to me, 'He gives great head'. The last time he did it, I started off to follow the guy but Jace reined me back in.

But the point is, none of that matters. He's with me now, and I'm the one who benefits from all that previous experience.