My BF Kissed someone else... ?

[Alex]

I never said I wouldn't forgive them lol I'm just trying to be open minded and not just throw out my opinion as advice. It really does depend on the situation and the person. I'm sure if someone I loved did something worse than that, I would still forgive. I'm a pretty forgiving/understanding person. But I also do know people who wouldn't take shit from anybody, and can be hard people to receive forgiveness from. So it varies from situation to situation and that's the point I'm trying to make. Everything is very fluid. So towards the end of the day, what the OP did is fine, if it's deemed fine by what is heart believes in and what moral standards he stands by.

Mate we never actually know the truth, the stories we get from the ops are often truncated or severely modified so they pass for the angel. The very little that we get from a situation doesn't allow us to be sure that what is being told to us is 100% real, per example, if I come in and tell a story and decides to hide behind the anonymous member I can guarantee you that Jake will know it's me and he will immediately react to it and you'll see flames going up the wazoo. I do not condemn fidelity, but I do condemn intolerance, queen's like behavior and people who claim they love someone but cannot find in their hearts to forgive. Where I got the hint that the ops is grossly exaggerating is the alcohol parts, I'm a medical doctor, unless the ops has some very good metabolism where blacking out from alcohol doesn't erase some of his volatile memory (if that's the case, please give your body to research) I am very suspicious of what truly happens or was it a good reason for the ops to get rid of a boyfriend where the interest has started to wane off.

[Jake]

As you all know I was 19 when I met Jake, Jake was 29, I can tell you that I did mistakes, a lot, I cheated him - more than once, I kissed other guys, Blowjobs, Gang bang, you name it I did it. But let me tell you something else about all that. My body doesn't belongs to Jake and his body doesn't belongs to me either. I understand all about the feelings of ownership over a relationship but thereès a world of difference between having SEX and making love. Jake is a former porn performer and escort, If I would have whine each and every time I knew he was having sex with someone else Ièd be the most miserable husband... those time doesn't last. I know many of you will not understand our philosophy because you may have not yet devolved from the christian faith which have created the concept of fidelity. Naturally, a human being isn't faithful. But we can control it. Years went by and I lost interest in having sex with other people than my man because only him knows how to get me off quickly or lastly and thus very well.

I know this will shock a lot of you, but all I can say about that if you have a problem with your love one, Talk with them and set the boundaries. To the OPS, I strongly believe youère over reacting and YES Alcohol do makes you do things that you'd never do in normal states and if you're saying that you have drank you share and even blacked out and tell us that you never ever did any wrongs THAT IS A BIG FAT LIE, when I black out, I need someone else to tell me what I did that night, so please stop this fairy tale already and forgive your boyfriend. It was just a kiss.

LOL Alex you wrote this using my Mac again didn't you LOL, you always forget to remove the French Keyboard Hahahahaha. Now that you did this insignificant error, I WANT DIVORCE please go pack your thing. LOL, you betrayed your own computer, you have touched and soiled the relationship between you two and I was made aware of it, and since my laptop told me all about you, taking in consideration that he knows you better than I do, I believed him right away. So off you go, I've just LOST MY DIGNITY.

By the way Alex baby, you never cheated on me because you told me what you were doing with other guys and I was okay with it. Cheating is lying, or voluntarily omit information over a very SPECIFIC love related situation.

OPS just a word of advice, GROW up and stop acting like an offended virgin, there's many people here who's looking for relationship and you over some missing M&M you send your so-called loved packing. I hope the reason are indeed more than that. Honestly guys try to understand what LOVE is. YOUR BOYFRIEND ISN'T YOUR POSSESSION and there's no argument about that. Try as you want.

[Steve]

I'm going to try to be simple and sweet.

I really don't believe in unconditional love. There are almost always conditions. Would you follow the love of your life in a suicide pact? Eva Braun did. There should nearly always be a line people should draw in a relationship that allows you perspective. Divorce in a marriage, while it happens too often and without good reason, is often a necessary thing. An unconditional love would prohibit divorce based upon the definition of a relationship built upon a love so rigidly demanding as "I'll love you despite your actions, life choices, whether you consider my feelings or not". There are, or should be, lines in a relationship where love is conditional for one, or both parties, to maintain personal integrity, a sense of self, and a need for self preservation. I may fall in love with someone, but I can't in good conscience continue to love that person if I discover that he is akin to John Wayne Gacy,

The line between obsession and love is razor thin. One person's unconditional love is another person's unrelenting obsession. I will allow people a healthy forgiving love. I'll also tell you that there are lines where unconditional love loses its perspective and morphs into something entire different. Beware of absolute terms. They leave little room for mistake. Qualify absolutes; give them flexible boundaries.

The "cotton candy" part of any relationship doesn't last very long. After that, you quickly discover that a relationship between two people becomes a kind of work that needs daily maintenance. Make no mistake, this work is entirely worth the effort for the reward of a thriving, flourishing partnership. Healthy loving relationships need honest, calm communication and compromise to work effectively. Additionally making big life decisions while under strong emotional duress is almost never a wise choice upon which to steer your life.

You made choice. Learn from the decisions you made. Be suspect of secondhand information. Talk to your partner. Take the high road, don't make snap decisions when you're weeping or angry beyond reason, and communicate with him. If his behavior becomes untenable, you may have to leave him. Sometimes love isn't enough to keep two people together. Sometimes, whether internal, or derived from external forces, you simply have to let go and move on. But not without all the facts, the benefit of the doubt, and enough unbiased self introspection to know where the boundaries of love begin and the tailspin of obsession separate.

So much for short an sweet. Sorry if I like details. They make life interesting. And often you must beat in the details like you beat a dead horse for people to understand your point of view. And details often preclude people misunderstanding the intent of what you write, of what you say. My posts may be longer than January in Antarctica, but I'm only trying my very best to be completely understood without being unreasonable while doing so. And believe me, the cost of time (which is the most valuable thing people possess) it takes me to write and the difficulty I have, for myriad reasons, doing it means I care about giving the best advice possible. That I care about people.

[Virge]

I like your philosophy about dealing with problems. The next time my Jeep won't start I'll set it on fire.

[Steve]

Bonus meme! I'll bring the marshmallows!

[Alex]

LOL Alex you wrote this using my Mac again didn't you LOL, you always forget to remove the French Keyboard Hahahahaha. Now that you did this insignificant error, I WANT DIVORCE please go pack your thing. LOL, you betrayed your own computer, you have touched and soiled the relationship between you two and I was made aware of it, and since my laptop told me all about you, taking in consideration that he knows you better than I do, I believed him right away. So off you go, I've just LOST MY DIGNITY.

By the way Alex baby, you never cheated on me because you told me what you were doing with other guys and I was okay with it. Cheating is lying, or voluntarily omit information over a very SPECIFIC love related situation.

OPS just a word of advice, GROW up and stop acting like an offended virgin, there's many people here who's looking for relationship and you over some missing M&M you send your so-called loved packing. I hope the reason are indeed more than that. Honestly guys try to understand what LOVE is. YOUR BOYFRIEND ISN'T YOUR POSSESSION and there's no argument about that. Try as you want.

Yes I confess I'm using your Mac, I sucked on the enter button and fucked the shit out of its cd drive. You want a divorce? Fine I want custody of the children, the house, all 4 cars and half of your wealth. And I'll take the Mac too since we got so accustomed together

That's true Jakey I never did cheated on you because we were in an open relationship and we set the rules long before i started having sex with other guys. But honestly, I never enjoyed myself as much as I did with you.

I'm honored to have you as a husband, because reading so much of the complaint here from people who are so possessive and somehow unforgiving, I would be just like them pretty insecure and miserable. Yet I know I can let you go for two weeks alone and not once will the idea of having sex with someone else will cross your mind, even better I remembered last year when we were separate for Sacha's treatment, we connected together and jerked off online.

That mister ops, is what you should expect of a REAL love relationship. Just wait, one day you'll do the mistake and someone worse than you will dump you for so little and you tell me how you feel that day.

And Jake I'm sorry I touched your Mac, next time I'll touch your dick first LOL. By the way I wrote this from your Mac again but removed the French keyboard hahahaha

[Uneunsae]

I had this happened before, its very insulting and offensive and i too kicked him to the curve, its not about toleration its about dignity and self respect, if you "Love Me" why would you want to kiss someone else......in my opinion because there isnt anything between us anymore, so great for you, i read some of the responses and they might forgive some indiscretions but if im loyal why shouldnt you, if you are the only one i want to kiss, why should i be ok with you kissing someone else, you forgive one mistake and you'll soon realize you'll have to be forgiving him a lot, i may be over dramatic but its humiliating to witness such a shameless act and have them later act like nothings wrong, in my opinion thats ridiculous, ive been in many relationships were i was the only one they wanted to kiss the few that kissed someone else in my face well i had no mercy because before you know it you find yourself being asked to forgive an indiscretion and that is not gonna happen no matter how in love i am 8^D

Exactly!

Mistakes happen? People are still using this excuse to justify things like this? I'm sorry, but in all my relationships, I never once did something like this and only one of my exes ever cheated on me. Are we just another species? I don't think so.

To me, this is a red flag of the kinds of things your BF will allow. There's no time to stop a kiss? If someone tried to kiss me, I'd push him away so fast. If it's so difficult, why has this never happened to me the hundreds of times men have flirted with me, tried to take me home, etc? Why have I never lost control of my body to the point where I couldn't push someone away? It's such a slippery slope to, "but I was drunk!" I've also never done questionable things while drunk.

So many men like to justify this kind of behaviour as if your dicks control your body and you have no say in it whatsoever. It really is NOT that hard to refrain from kissing/touching/having sex with people. It really isn't! How selfish are people that they just think of their own desire in the moment and not their relationship? Yeah, we all have hormones and that's not the issue - the issue is doing things that violate your partner's trust. If you don't feel like you can keep yourself from touching other men - if your dick is controlling you that much - then don't get into a relationship. It's very simple.

Yes, there's something wrong with that "friend" who suddenly decided to tell the OP about this incident. The fact that the BF didn't say anything about it is odd as well. I would have told my BF straight away. But of course, if I had a boyfriend, I wouldn't be going to clubs - at least not without him. Guys in clubs are mostly looking for hook ups. It's not the same as going to the movies, meeting friends for dinner, etc.

Twist's situation is a totally different topic because it was about desperation for money.

Some guys need to grow up and be mature MEN. That means you being in control, not your penis. How about putting RESPECT and CARING at the top of your priority list instead of physical gratification. If you are at a point where you are more interested in following your body's desires, then be single. There's no shame in that.

[Maverick]

Adam, that was right on the mark...

I Peter 4:8 -- "Continue to hold great love for one another, for love excuses many faults".

[Alex]

Exactly!

Mistakes happen? People are still using this excuse to justify things like this? I'm sorry, but in all my relationships, I never once did something like this and only one of my exes ever cheated on me. Are we just another species? I don't think so.

To me, this is a red flag of the kinds of things your BF will allow. There's no time to stop a kiss? If someone tried to kiss me, I'd push him away so fast. If it's so difficult, why has this never happened to me the hundreds of times men have flirted with me, tried to take me home, etc? Why have I never lost control of my body to the point where I couldn't push someone away? It's such a slippery slope to, "but I was drunk!" I've also never done questionable things while drunk.

So many men like to justify this kind of behaviour as if your dicks control your body and you have no say in it whatsoever. It really is NOT that hard to refrain from kissing/touching/having sex with people. It really isn't! How selfish are people that they just think of their own desire in the moment and not their relationship? Yeah, we all have hormones and that's not the issue - the issue is doing things that violate your partner's trust. If you don't feel like you can keep yourself from touching other men - if your dick is controlling you that much - then don't get into a relationship. It's very simple.

Yes, there's something wrong with that "friend" who suddenly decided to tell the OP about this incident. The fact that the BF didn't say anything about it is odd as well. I would have told my BF straight away. But of course, if I had a boyfriend, I wouldn't be going to clubs - at least not without him. Guys in clubs are mostly looking for hook ups. It's not the same as going to the movies, meeting friends for dinner, etc.

Twist's situation is a totally different topic because it was about desperation for money.

Some guys need to grow up and be mature MEN. That means you being in control, not your penis. How about putting RESPECT and CARING at the top of your priority list instead of physical gratification. If you are at a point where you are more interested in following your body's desires, then be single. There's no shame in that.

Okay this shit is going way overboard, while I understand your point of vue regarding fidelity, I also don't understand the lack of forgiveness for people who claim to love someone. You didn't love them so much in the first place. That's one.

Second there's many other ways to make money, so in what way Twist behavior was better, nbow we're talking about a kiss for which we don't even have full details over someone sucking dick for cash - Sorry Twist this is not directed to you, but I have an issue with someone justifying an action that is in no way better.

So please we're not all a bunch of dickheads because we can forgive for situation like the ops mentioned, before climbing the drapes some people do what all couple should do and it's Communicate. I seriously doubt there was any discussion from the ops and there's certainly more than meet the eyes on that issue.

Fidelity, LOVE and RESPECT are words that have many definitions and just like the Bible one cannot come up with a proper definition because we all see things differently. I see the ops story as being a mere situation and also very uncomplete because what tells you the guy didn't first push him, why the so-called friends/employee needed to tatletale, and why three months.

Unease, I know your definition of faithfulness, I have been in a very long lasting relationship and Alex and I have asset and goals together, trust me if he was doing a mistake similar, yes it would raise the red flag but I would also question seriously the motive of the reporter. And trust me I had many reporting to me that Alex was flirting other guys, and yes I have the money to do so, I had a special investigator investigate the reporter and I found out that he was so jealous of people with happy relationship that he would stir shit like that to every couple that was in a good relationship.

Not everyone think with their dick, the fact that they forgive and you don't doesn't mean they have no self-respect. At the end of the day, this also make the difference of those who have had a very long lasting relationship versus those who keeps on being single every year.

[Jake]

Sorry Alex baby! I wrote a reply using your account, that's what happen when you don't log out from my Mac hahaha. It's in moderation