Anyone know where you can find guys who want a longterm relationship?

[RomanticTom]

Hi Tom.
Really I am far from being an expert. But received wisdom appears to be that you should find some kind of activity that puts you in contact with gay guys, rather than the bars/internet dating scene. If you're into some kind of sport and there's a gay club for that sport, for example. Here im Brussels for example there's a gay rugby club and gay swimming club etc.
Also given your age, get some gay friends, even if they're platonic. that's for me really been the hardest thing, and I'm only now just about feeling as though I'm starting to manage it.

I don't know Bristol at all but a quick Google revealed the following:

For what it's worth, I'm not really into the scene, I am shy although not as awkward as used to be. So you're not alone. Although I promise you that the shyness keeps better with age and with greater confidence, not just with gay guys but generally.

Thanks ExpatBrit77. I certainly feel a sense of encouragement by you.

I think it's kind of hard to find casual activities where gays get together. My greatest obstacle is maybe that so many guys can only find the motivation for a superficial sexual meetup and not a longterm relationship. I am certainly not like that and that's probably why I could never understand why they do it. Those guys can often also be found in the bars and night clubs.

[RomanticTom]

Bowyn - How do you know about most of the members on here?

'Know one knows' or no one bothers to know or find out or make an effort? Surely there is many clever people who are able to come up with ideas and suggestions, because they've wanted/dreamt of making finding a relationship for all those gay guys that are struggling easier?

[Virge]

Looking for a longterm relationship. Anyone knows where to find guys who are interested in that sort of thing? And I mean seriously interested, not "looking for sex" kinda guy. I don't have anything to do with the "scene". I am shy, as in awkward in groups, but much more open in 1to1. Experiences from Bristol, UK are most welcome.

Jake and MIke hit on some great points, Tom. You should take their advice to heart.

My opinion of this is that Tom is trying to redefine human nature and the way the way relationships evolve to suit Tom's shyness and awkwardness. .... rather than expend the energy to overcome the shyness and awkwardness. It's easier to change yourself to fit the world than expect the world to change for. That's the way it's always been and it always will be.

I know everyone here is tired of my rants but I stick to these words... "If you're not trying to become the person YOU want to spend the rest of your life with you can't complain because no one else wants to do it for you."

In other words change yourself and go with the flow instead of expecting the world to revolve backwards for you.

And one last thing.... ANY long term relationship is based in mutual attraction. Mutual attraction invariably leads to sex. The only thing wrong about sex is that so many people have this idea that not having it will improve their chances of finding a long term relationship.
You need to re-examine that logic and find some proof that it actually works to achieve the things you want before you invest too much time in it.

There have been Waaaaaaaaay more long term relationships that started with sex as a unifying force than there ever will be without it.

[ExpatBrit77]

"It's easier to change yourself to fit the world"

But why should people have to? I agree with you *up to a point*. But changing yourself to make yourself "not shy" is putting on an act.

Just playing devil's advocate, I do agree that a certain amount of finding a partner is based on sexual attraction, I completely agree. But to say that people who are shy and not as outgoing should somehow change their entire personality is actually bordering on insulting them.

Besides which, doesn't the gay community preach to us all that everyone should come out of the closet because (I'm paraphrasing) "life is so much better when you don't have to pretend to be something you're not". which seems to be the opposite to what you're suggesting

You know you love how I am argumentative though xx

[Virge]

"It's easier to change yourself to fit the world"

But why should people have to? I agree with you *up to a point*. But changing yourself to make yourself "not shy" is putting on an act.

Just playing devil's advocate, I do agree that a certain amount of finding a partner is based on sexual attraction, I completely agree. But to say that people who are shy and not as outgoing should somehow change their entire personality is actually bordering on insulting them.

Besides which, doesn't the gay community preach to us all that everyone should come out of the closet because (I'm paraphrasing) "life is so much better when you don't have to pretend to be something you're not". which seems to be the opposite to what you're suggesting

You know you love how I am argumentative though xx

One of the greatest memories of my early dating with Jay was after hours of Klingon sex him reading from a book of Klingon of poems on the values of acting shy. KEYWORD >>> ACTING. By the time shy people are past 17 they have usually figured our either how to use their shells of shyness to insulate themselves from the world or use their shyness to draw the outside world in. The stats show a 30% to 60% in favor of shy people being smart enough to use their blushiness in their favor.

And there are millions of us who are sex slaves to men who blush

[Virge]

My Jay man is the world's best shy manipulator...and I'm always a sucker for it. He can blush and choke up right on cue and send me into becoming a mushy slack tongued boned up idiot in 5 seconds. And I'm not complaining either!

[AlfredM]

If being shy is part of you,I don't think you should change it. But you still definitely need to be more outgoing and try to overcome that shyness at some point to achieve something. That doesn't mean you're changing yourself into not becoming a shy guy,you're just putting it aside for that particular moment to exchange for something more,cause we all have to sacrifice something in order to gain something else,the law of equivalent. Using your blush as a mean to draw some men in works too btw,as Memechose pointed it out.

As for meeting men,well,that's a tough one,who knows where you might meet yours,but he's somewhere out there,just put yourself out there too,don't limit yourself to online dating if that's possible,which in your case,more than possible.

[Virge]

I'm going point by point not to argue but to expand and agree

"It's easier to change yourself to fit the world"
That's not an imperative statement like an order or a law.

But why should people have to? I agree with you *up to a point*. But changing yourself to make yourself "not shy" is putting on an act.
Putting on an act? Really? Most people who are shy and complain about generally see it as a problem for them. You know as well as I do there are some people who are so shy they border on being anti social. For outsiders, it's almost impossible to distinguish one from the other at times.

Just playing devil's advocate, I do agree that a certain amount of finding a partner is based on sexual attraction, I completely agree. But to say that people who are shy and not as outgoing should somehow change their entire personality is actually bordering on insulting them.
If that's the case then they should forfeit the right to whine about being shy and not outgoing. If someone expects the world to slow down otr rotate backwards simply to accommodate them and their personality they will be FOREVER in conflict with the natural order of the world and predictably unhappy about it. ExPatBrit, my major deal in life is to spread as much happiness as I can and help as many people as I can to attain it. I'm not in this to dwell on character flaws but to help people find happiness --- whatever that takes.

Besides which, doesn't the gay community preach to us all that everyone should come out of the closet because (I'm paraphrasing) "life is so much better when you don't have to pretend to be something you're not". which seems to be the opposite to what you're suggesting.
[COLOR="Red"]Good point .... until I try to imagine saying "I was born shy and can't change." Shy people can and do overcome their shyness --to some degrees BUT I SURE HOPE NOT ALLTHE WAY !!!!!!!

Funny story here. A few days ago Buzzer and I were yakking and started in about how his BF will rant and rant and rant and rant wildy animated and acting almost cartoonish...and then as soon as someone walks in he reverts back to a nice quiet shy guy... and all of a sudden I gasped..... THAT'S EXACTLY HOW JAY IS!!!

AND then I got to thinking about it all and figured something out... and Buzzer will agree..... I completely enjoy and cherish that part of my guy's personality because that wild animated ranting craziness belongs all to me and no one else!!!!!!!!! I'll listen to him for hours, loving every second of it. It's like music to me.! And it's sexy as hell![/COLOR]

You know you love how I am argumentative though xx

[COLOR="Red"]Yeah, I know... and always around the 3rd week of the month....

Will these help?.

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[onlyhoney]

Looking for a longterm relationship. Anyone knows where to find guys who are interested in that sort of thing? And I mean seriously interested, not "looking for sex" kinda guy. I don't have anything to do with the "scene". I am shy, as in awkward in groups, but much more open in 1to1. Experiences from Bristol, UK are most welcome.

hi dear h r u? my self honey from india I m also looing mature partner for me. I want to live with him for life n give love to each others.

[GBMD9x]

I think you should find him in real life