My BF Kissed someone else... ?

[Alex]

I've read the sentence several times and I obviously don't understand; I'm not intentionally trying to twist your words. I apologize for misunderstanding you.

No need to apologize Uneunsae, Jake is gone from that thread, if there's something I can tell you guys about my husband is that when he has enough he truly has enough, he will not write in this thread again, and honestly I believe it's the last time he's getting involved in a relationship thread. Can't blame him, since it always seems that the question of relationship always seems to be unsolvable. I just hope at the end that every one find the right fits for them, i found mine at a very early years in my life and couldn't be happier. S good night for now.

Alex (Lexy as my daughter calls me )

[Buzzer]

And again... these are just speculations over a non verified fact

That's all giving advice to an anonymous stranger over the internet is, ever.

What you've just said is a reason someone might give for not participating in online advice-giving at all. It doesn't really hold water as a way to say "well, no matter how much it looks like one person is the wrong, I'm just going to cop out and say everyone's wrong, and also the guy who delivered the paper that morning, since we don't really know what happened."

[Uneunsae]

there is no universal formula that works for everyone. it is up to the involved parties, and them only, to decide what they will and will not live with. i don't buy these appeals to universal ideals.

We agree on this.

Also, I did not break up with a past partner who cheated on me. We stayed together for 3 years after that and separated for totally different reasons.

[Alex]

That's all giving advice to an anonymous stranger over the internet is, ever.

What you've just said is a reason someone might give for not participating in online advice-giving at all. It doesn't really hold water as a way to say "well, no matter how much it looks like one person is the wrong, I'm just going to cop out and say everyone's wrong, and also the guy who delivered the paper that morning, since we don't really know what happened."

Don't waste your time Buzzer it seems you've jumped a few posts, Jake won't reply to you. And do you ever take a break? I could show you post where Jake has used the very specific tactic to find out about what truly happen, given that the OP is inclined to answer. This was purely a derailment over personal thoughts and definition of what's cheating. And I'm very sorry Buzzer, but as oppose to you being an ONLINE adviser, he's a guy who works with people Face to Face and get the facts, he can do it online and did it before but this also means that the most concerned has to participate. Did the Op reply once since this long thread? NO. One or two posts get monitored and it depends on the length or some words used in the reply, Op could have replied in between. So please, call it a day already! My husband wasn't completely off his shoes when he said that this was all speculations because that's all it was. Until the op reply and clarify it's all it is.

Anyway guys I'm off to bed... So you guys continue your interminable argument Don't forget to sleep in between LOL.

[Buzzer]

i've seen guys make mistakes and fuck up, and by Uneunsae's standards they would be thrown out and not given a second chance. and yet i've seen those guys work through it and make the relationship work, despite the mistakes, despite the standards.

I can't speak for him of course but from what I do know of his thoughts on the subject I wouldn't say that's really an accurate portrayal either of him or what he was saying. I agree that couples can and perhaps even should work and talk through these kinds of mistakes, provided they were innocent/unplanned and are not part of a bigger pattern of behavior that isn't going to change. In this specific scenario in this thread, though, you can't work and talk through something your boyfriend withholds from you and you would have never known about unless someone else told you about it months after the fact. It's not as though the boyfriend came home and confessed what happened, that it was a mistake, and the OP threw him out and Uneunsae cheered about it. The boyfriend broke trust on pretty much every level at least based on the story we have to work with here, and people set to work justifying the bf's behavior and blaming the friend who told the OP.

People can work forward but they don't work forward from a premise of "even though we're in a theoretically committed relationship, we should just expect that both of us are going to wind up in romantic encounters with others and conceal it from each other." You work forward from an understanding that messing around romantically with someone else is wrong within the realm of a committed/monogamous relationship, and whatever steps work for the two of you to protect that commitment. If someone can't or doesn't want to make that sort of commitment, it's really simple. You don't make it. It's not a question of variable or relative moralities or failing to take into account the male sex drive or male biology or anything else. It's about trust and false pretenses. Or trying to have a cake and eat it too.

[Buzzer]

Don't waste your time Buzzer it seems you've jumped a few posts, Jake won't reply to you. And do you ever take a break? I could show you post where Jake has used the very specific tactic to find out about what truly happen, given that the OP is inclined to answer. This was purely a derailment over personal thoughts and definition of what's cheating. And I'm very sorry Buzzer, but as oppose to you being an ONLINE adviser, he's a guy who works with people Face to Face and get the facts, he can do it online and did it before but this also means that the most concerned has to participate. Did the Op reply once since this long thread? NO. One or two posts get monitored and it depends on the length or some words used in the reply, Op could have replied in between. So please, call it a day already! My husband wasn't completely off his shoes when he said that this was all speculations because that's all it was. Until the op reply and clarify it's all it is.

Anyway guys I'm off to bed... So you guys continue your interminable argument Don't forget to sleep in between LOL.

If you want "arguments to end" you could always not jump in to throw barbs at everyone involved and lecture them hypocritically about how they aren't letting it go.

[Jake]

If you want "arguments to end" you could always not jump in to throw barbs at everyone involved and lecture them hypocritically about how they aren't letting it go.

Alex get off that thread! Buzzer, if you consider yourself to be EVERYONE good for you keeps on believing that you're going anywhere with this thread but before calling someone hypocrite because he directed a comment to you I believe you still have a lot to learn about constructive criticism. So many beautiful word to finally just argue on the same subject over and over. Yet I'm sure you'll reply to this because you can't stand not having the last word do you? Enjoy that petty victory and next time how about you don't stump on one sentence... there was more than "interminable argument" but yet it seems that this was the only word you saw. Alex won't be commenting in this thread and neither will I, so you can keep on arguing as much as you want. And think of us as you deem it to suit you. Matter and the fact you don't know me and I don't you and the part where I say "I don't know you" is the part where I won't give a flying F of what you'll reply next to this. Hope we got that settled. Thanks and good evening to you.

Have fun!

[trywait]

at the end of the day, wouldn't the two people In that relationship know most about it, anyway? we're all outsiders looking in. the origin of the thread asked for some advice. I think the responses have provided different perspectives.

[Buzzer]

. Matter and the fact you don't know me

You don't know anything about me either. The last couple of posts by you and your boyfriend amounted to little more than "you don't have a life, you can't shut up." Please tell me where that fits into any of the actual discussion we were having other than the two of you acting like children. Thanks.

I believe you still have a lot to learn about constructive criticism.

Heh.

[Virge]

I still think it's worth casting more scrutiny on this alleged friend.[B] The friend witnessed something months ago and decided to wait to tell the OP on the BF's actual birthday. From here, that looks like no friend at all, someone who is deliberately trying to sabotage the relationship. Given what we know thus far, I'd be way more upset with the friend, not the BF.

The BF pursued nothing further from the kissing bathroom troll. All this talk about cheating and sex etc is all good and valid, but it is perhaps way overreaching from the information we actually have. To make a leap from an isolated kiss to "someone can't control his sexual urges" is a logical fallacy I just can't make from what I read.

[SIZE="5"][COLOR="Blue"]I passed over the bolded words Camfer expressed hoping someone else would speak up first. ANY friend who'd do such a thing is not a friend but a manipulating bag of crap who likes to meddle and cause drama. This is exactly the reason I don't take 2nd hand info about anyone as close to being factual. When anyone comes to me with information like that the first thing I ask myself is what are they trying to achieve. People who create drama for no apparent reason are the #1 enemy to relationships.

[/COLOR][/SIZE]