my partner betrayed me

[MikeW]

He told me that this friend was also addicted, but got arrested and forced to rehab...he says, that showed him what could happen to himself and so put effort into stopping the drugs, and he has...he swears by it...so this guy becomes his, what? beacon of some kind?
I did meet him, we had dinner as a couple with him and his current partner, twice. I forced myself. I had to know. He was a very high ranking professional in a school system...he blew it all, drugs, arrests and humiliated in front of his community, but that was his own problem. My partner told me that he only knew him for about 2 weeks prior to his arrest. So, he called my partner for help. Now I'm stuck with this "constant reminder" of what was done behind my back. I can't see him again, I know I will confront him. I did not present an ultimatum, only in anger which was later clarified...so I gave him that space. But I resent it, I could never be in his company again, I loathed him (the friend, to be clear). He is I they way of my healing. This on top of mindless, drug induced sex games, although nothing sexual happened between my partner and his friend. Its a stumbling block in MY healing process.

Ok, well that you had met him is new information. You feel how you feel and that's all you need to say. No justification required.

It is always interesting to me that people come to this forum asking for advice regarding very difficult situations. On one hand, it's a good thing. At least you're seeing how other people respond to these stories. But the bottom line is, something as personal and intricate and sensitive as this can't really be "resolved" in a forum. You need help -- whether it is through some form of AA or through couples counseling or your own personal therapy or counseling -- finding this IRL, in person, is going to be a much better than asking total strangers who only know a small sliver of the total picture.

I know from experience people *can* heal, even very bad situations like this *can* be overcome. Doesn't always happen -- it depends on the people involved, how ready they are to face and deal with their problems honestly. I wish you and your partner recovery and a renewed understanding of yourselves and, hopefully, your relationship.

[cunningluvr]

Al-Anon - don't know if it helps, never been. A.A - I go several times a week and work the program. Took me years to accept what I needed to do. Lost people in my life before I did.

I've learned one drink is too many and 1000 drinks aren't enough; I don't take the first drink and I don't put myself in tempting situations. I've learned that my addiction is a symptom of my character defects; I seek help to rid myself of the defects and work on being a better person. I've had to make amends to the people I've hurt; most forgave me when I became forgivable. I've learned that I am the only one who has control over my recovery; the hurt I inflicted included the suffering of people close to me as their struggles to help only led to their frustration and sorrow. I've regained trust, but that took a long time. I'm only in remission but I feel great and life is fantastic now.

You don't have an easy road my friend, but if your partner does the work, the road can lead to better times. It wouldn't hurt you to talk to some professional or experienced folks to gain strength if you're willing to go along for the ride. You're both in my thoughts.

[Anocxu]

What the heck! Go ahead and kill him by dragging him behind a truck for 20 miles. Peel his skin off. Stick bigger things that you tiny weenie up his butt. Do you feel better?

All he did was be human and you expect him to be more godly than yourself by his behavior.

Sorry

You deserve a FUCK YOU for that horny neurotic female thinking

(I think It's cocaine)
(Say no to bad blow)