Hi everyone,
Yes, it might sound sad, but I have been curious about guys since 16 and haven't done much with them at age 38. For a long time I would browse Craigslist ads and AOL chat rooms looking to go hook up, but it never happened.
Actually, I take that back. I met a guy from an AOL chat room once and he gave me oral for about a minute before I panicked and left the room.
Lately I started returning to the idea. One guy sent me pics, and I got hard just looking at them. Then I wound up having phone sex with a few guys. (The fact that I even had the nerve to hand out my number proved to me something had changed.)
I decided that, if I were to go through with this, it might be best to go slow. So I posted some ads looking just for a jerk-off partner. Someone responded. We traded pics. Then last night we did the deed together, but only via webcam. Still, it was so hot to have this guy complimenting my body.
I'm here to talk about what I am feeling. It is a scary time for me. I just got out of a six year marriage, and I do still find women hot as hell.
![[-]](https://gayspeak.com/images/duende_v3_local/collapse.png)
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(Adam) First of all, welcome to GS!
There's nothing wrong with going slowly, it's usually a pretty good idea - and you weren't really in a position to act on your curiosity while you were married.
It sounds like you've enjoyed the experiences you've had so far. Take your time moving ahead, and only do what you're comfortable with. If you have questions, or specific concerns, or just want to talk about your experiences and feelings, this is a good place to do it 
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EVERYONE has their own story, what they've done, what they haven't, what they want to do, what they're afraid to do, and so on. ALL stories are legitimate. Yours is your life path. Now you've crossed ours -- and who knows what you'll learn or teach us. As the young'ns say "It's all good!" 
Welcome to the forum!
.
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I love labels. So, the first thing that comes to my mind is to ask if you think you're bisexual.
Welcome to GS. Remember to play safe.
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Whilst the words are Heterosexual, Bisexual and Homosexual, there is no emphasis on the sex part here, thus they are not HeteroSEXual, BiSEXual and HomoSEXual.
Seems to be you are fixated on the sex part. being with another person and determining our 'sexuality' is a bit more complex. The other emotions of attraction and being with a person play as much of a role, if not more of a role in determining our sexual preference than who we happen to play with in a sex-act.
Sex is just sex - be it with a man a woman a hole in a dead, half rotted log you stumble across in the forests.... The manual act of friction and probing is only physical simulation.
Since you find women 'hot' and have a sexual attraction to males as well, the chances are rather high here that you bisexual.
As for running away from a guy you are hooking up with... perhaps the problem wasn't so much that a guy was giving you head, the problem may have been that the guy was merely a stranger and not someone you are actually sharing in deeper, more meaningful intimacy?
This is where those other aspects to sexuality play a role in sex. Desiring to be with a special someone you care about is often a bit more important than a warm body that can perform activities.
A thought experiment you should try with yourself is sitting down and imagining getting involved in a lovers relationship with a dude. - Can you see yourself sharing a life with another man in a married sort of way?
If not then perhaps you are merely dealing with a sex drive and not so much sexuality.
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^^^ Bowyn ^^^
I couldn't have said it better...
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Hooking up is scary, Ive never braved it out myself, maybe if you start up a friendship with someone and eventually lead to experimenting you would be more comfortable, Random people is a scary thing because you cant always trust people you dont know.
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Trust. Often I think saying I trust you is just as important as saying I love you. It takes a certain amount of trust to be physically intimate with people too.
My first observation was noticing that you didn't mention having any sort of fear of intimacy issues with your ex wife. Did you have a difficult time opening yourself to physical intimacy with a women? You might examine if this is an issue you feel only when you want to have a physical relationship with men. Does this fear have something to do with admitting bisexuality to yourself? (No judgement, just a question.)
Keep taking it slowly. Cam sex is great fun. It has a built in invisible wall that maintains eye contact without actual physical touch. The next step is actually meeting someone in real life. And I'd suggest a date first... coffee, lunch, dinner, a movie? Take it slow. This date doesn't have to be about finding the love of your life, more about moving closer to actual body proximity. Getting comfortable being close to another man without going the whole nine yards. Just make it clear to the guy that what you want is only a date, not a prelude to sex.
As for first time contact you might want to try meeting someone who exclusively likes mutual masturbation. Touching yourself in front of another guy, watching him jerk himself off right beside you or in a chair across from you without actually touching is another step toward physical intimacy.
Try to shift your mindset from shame and fear to excitement. You're learning new things about yourself. You're pushing boundaries. You're growing. That's exciting stuff. Sure it can be scary. Allow that, you can be scared. But remember the excitement of it too.
There's nothing to be ashamed of here, by the way. Well, rude behavior to other members isn't admired here, but there is no shame in asking questions. Welcome to the forum.
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Bowyn Aerrow Wrote:Whilst the words are Heterosexual, Bisexual and Homosexual, there is no emphasis on the sex part here, thus they are not HeteroSEXual, BiSEXual and HomoSEXual.
Seems to be you are fixated on the sex part. being with another person and determining our 'sexuality' is a bit more complex. The other emotions of attraction and being with a person play as much of a role, if not more of a role in determining our sexual preference than who we happen to play with in a sex-act.
Sex is just sex - be it with a man a woman a hole in a dead, half rotted log you stumble across in the forests.... The manual act of friction and probing is only physical simulation.
Since you find women 'hot' and have a sexual attraction to males as well, the chances are rather high here that you bisexual.
As for running away from a guy you are hooking up with... perhaps the problem wasn't so much that a guy was giving you head, the problem may have been that the guy was merely a stranger and not someone you are actually sharing in deeper, more meaningful intimacy?
This is where those other aspects to sexuality play a role in sex. Desiring to be with a special someone you care about is often a bit more important than a warm body that can perform activities.
A thought experiment you should try with yourself is sitting down and imagining getting involved in a lovers relationship with a dude. - Can you see yourself sharing a life with another man in a married sort of way?
If not then perhaps you are merely dealing with a sex drive and not so much sexuality.
Sorry I have been away after only one post, but I did not bookmark the page and forgot about it until I got an email that I was missed.
Anyway, to respond here: I don't think me leaving the room had anything to do with it being a stranger who I had no deeper connection to. I mean, otherwise how could I have one night stands with females?
What makes no sense to me is I had no problem or fears when I started having sex with women. I guess the nervousness stems more from fear of being "outed" before I am ready to say how I really feel.
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these sort of posts always make me feel like a curiosity
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Sadly, Still Curious After 20 Years
