People Asking For Money

[LJay]

"Cold you spare some change?"
"Sorry, no."

There is no lying involved. I really can not spare the change.

If I could spare it, the money would go to any one of a number ocharitable organizations I know who are experts at screening and determining appropriate aid.

Believe me, I do this from long experience.

[Jake]

Well I believe I can give some pointers to this. I have worked with street youths for at least 3 years after I graduated from my degree in sociology. First, when you say you don't have money it isn't a lie, you work for your money and you deserve to keep every pennies for yourself. You're not the one lying, they are for the most. I also used to feel bad not giving money away when a panhandler would ask for money, taking that I have a lot of it, I kind of felt really cheap everytime i'd say that I don't have money but yet I walk around with a wallet with at least a thousand dollars, pocket changes and a platinum credit card.

Now, I do ask the panhandler what he needs that money for and if it's for food, I'll bring him/her to a restaurant and pay for whatever they want to eat. Unfortunately over the years, I come to understand that many panhandlers uses the food excuse for money because several times (not just once) I offered them to go to a restaurant or even to a supermarket and buy them food and even booze if they wanted, but many time I've been churn out.

In my world if you're truly hungry you wouldn't miss that occasion of having someone pay for your food or grocery (and it's not like I'm choosing it.) There was one street youth I met who looked very famished and I offered him to go to a restaurant where I gave him a great meal, and afterward I brought him to a supermarket so he can choose whatever he wants and I was going to drive him home to deliver the food, I was in no way going to give him money as I believe that just giving money doesn't help them, since, once you have cash one quickly forget why they were panhandling in the first place.

So I got to his place, which was a kind of shelter and delivered the food there, this was a $300 worth of food, living with him was two other adults and two kids. This guy was really all about getting food so I kept contact with him and assisted him and today he works for me. This was one great example. But most of the panhandlers you encounters today are very lazy and uses panhandling as a quick solution for their drug consumption.

Before giving money out, stop and talk with them, if he/she is not willing to talk with you, you can be sure that the money you'll give isn't for the subway, food or anything for their substantial living.

If you're going to give money, give it to the organization that have competencies to assist them and when someone is asking for money give them the name or the number of the shelter that you have been supporting so they can get the help they deserve. I have been giving a lot of my cash to non-profit organization and I'm on the administration board of many of them, because poverty in Canada should not exist, not in a G8 country.

But I carefully select the organization I give to, I know far too well that many of them will write in their report that they have served 300 meals to homeless when in fact they gave an apple to some guy and the number are not reflecting reality. There was a taskforce research years ago in Montreal for which I was part of the researchers, but they just didn't know that not only I had contact with the administrators of those organizations, but I knew most of their clients by their first name because I was an outreach worker.

It is your choice to give them money, but by doing so you do not help them. WHY because there is many organizations trying to reach out to them to help them out and few will refuse because it's easier to play the pity card than getting themselves organized. Look around, the hobo you see walking around with his/her supermarket cart WILL NEVER EVER ASK YOU FOR MONEY. He/she has chosen or has decided not to be part of the society anymore, but those ones, will rarely ask you for money. Those normally asking for money are 90% of the time drug abuser or alcohol dependent, unfortunately that leaves the 10% who truly need your help in the limbo. So next time, don't give away your cash, ask them what they need and if you can afford it and propose it to them. Most of the time you'll be saving your pocket changes because THEY ARE LYING FOR THE MOST OF THEM.

[Steve]

Depends on the day. Depends on my mood. On how the people asking look. How sincere they are. If I'm suspicious because they're too nice or sincere. If they're pushy I lie. Sometimes I lie anyway. I'll beat myself up over it later. Depends if I do have change or not. It just depends...

I don't keep hard and fast rules about this. It may not be fair to treat people differently because of how random my thoughts can be, but oh well... Life isn't fair either.

[LeafBlade]

I usually have to pass through downtown waiting between buses when I go to and from my university... Now I usually don't carry change, and I have only a few $1 as spare for my bus pass or emergency to call phone or something. I am getting to the point that I recognize one or two people asking people if they have change. Though I don't pay too much attention to them I can't tell if it's the same one asking for food or change, but it's usually one or the other.

For change, I don't usually carry change and I like to keep my $1's. So I tend to lie. The one time I gave someone a dollar was a guy who looked like a college student or someone who seems to be working and had a bad day forgetting to refill his bus pass. THAT ONE TIME.

For food... this one is tricky. I usually carry individually packaged snacks in my lunch kit that I take to school. Though I tend to lie about having food because... well, maybe Im a horrible human being. But can I use "struggling student" as an excuse? (incoming derailing about my life) I used to be a skinny kid and now im just gaining some weights to be healthy and idk maybe im being selfish.

[BlueStar]

Mostly while walking on the street I don't have time to help these people. Money? I don't even have a job, and if I wasn't pretending to be nice with dad I'd be begging for money. I never gave money to anyone and I won't.

In other words, IMO offering what panhandlers really need is much more affectionate than just throwing pennies.

By the way, you all reminded me of my music teacher of last year, he'd pretend to be wise and give us some experience in the world more than even giving us lessons of music. His most famous words were "help the poor", and my friend would answer him "I'd give a poor man some money so that he can pray for me" (:eek::eek::eek. Yes, panhandlers here don't ask directly for money, instead they pray like "may God lighten your youth" or "may God protect your kids" or "may God give you a long life"...

I wonder why the hell churches and mosques, which are supposed to be shelters for such people, do nothing to appease their misfortune, drug users or not. I give absolutely nothing to any kind of religious community, because I know that a Christian one won't help a Muslim, nor vise-versa.

Anyway, I agree the best bet to be useful is supporting only trustful organizations. And for those who ask "what if I was them (the poor) someday?", well keep yourself from being them (the poor), and you'll be fine.

Everyone on earth has got their own mission in his/her own way, and IMO panhandlers are a fallout to the misdeed they chose to live in (not all of them of course).

[Borg69]

I was brought up believing that it's a huge social faux pas to ask strangers for food/money. If you're an invited guest, it's ok to accept food in a dinner type situation, but to solicit out of pity or coercion is heinous. One should have pride and self respect. Dignity. Never let others know you're 'suffering'.

Asking/begging/soliciting/pan handling isn't an option. If you're without, then you do without, or you get a job and earn a living.

I hate to admit I'm rather cold and callous towards the explosion of people in my area whom appear physically and mentally able to work, yet seem to choose to be parasitic instead. I've had to do without luxuries and live pay check to pay check in jobs I hated to survive. I'm bitter enough to feel they shouldn't get a free pass. And there's some self preservation instinct... if I gave handouts to everyone who asked, I would need handouts too.

There are charities and government services to help those whom legitimately need assistance, and I feel those are being abused greatly as well and could use some major reform.

[Iceblink]

The problem with a hand out to people on the street is that you are not addressing the real problem with many, if not most, that are homeless and that is their mental health issues and we just do not deal very effectively with these issues in our society. Because of the horrendous treatment in the past of people in our mental health facilities and some people forced into the system that did not belong there, we dealt with it by pretty much going completely the opposite way and giving up on the system almost entirely and dumped many people into the streets. We've since made it very difficult for families and courts to make these kinds of decisions for people who have legitimately lost the ability to make healthy decisions for themselves and so more people end up in the streets.

[Iceblink]

One thing I forgot to point out, a disproportionate amount of homeless young people are lgbt, abandoned or rejected by families and society.

[Bowyn Aerrow]

Now how many here have been homeless - wave if you have been there.



I have been homeless, I had to resort to doing things in order to survive.

Fortunately for me I had a few talents that made my living on the streets and under the streets (I literally slept in a few storm sewers) slightly better.

I had a violin and I played - well actually I just fiddled around with the instrument.

Even being a 'street performer' its amazing how many pick up their pace to hurry by, looking everywhere else BUT at me or at my open violin case... hurry by, ignore the guy, forget him as soon as possible...

I did turn to other things like selling drugs and being a mule and other interesting 'grey business' sort of things to make ends meet. Life is harsh, and many people in the world just don't care.

I also did work with homeless shelters for a while. Having been homeless I already knew the general back story for the more common reasons why homelessness happens. Working in shelters I learned a good deal more about the reasons why homelessness happens.

I also worked with the Polk Street Boys and Girls... Polk Street San Francisco was predominate young (teen aged, pre-18 in most cases) kids who ran away from home or were kicked out of their home for being you know, gay or something.

Most turn to prostitution, not because they want to - its unwilling on their behalf - they do it because its the only way to make a few dollars to keep a bit of food in their bellies. Others turn to dealing drugs, being mules, panhandling....

It is kinda worse for the kids because frankly, the state cares so much that if the kid seeks help they are likely to end up being shipped back to their parents (often very abusive homes) or worse, they get shipped off to foster care where we just don't want to go into how miserable, heartbreaking and even more abusive that can be.

Most ran away as a way to survive... A concept I fully and completely understand.


Adults on the streets typically have fallen through the cracks of the Mental Health system. Many are vets who didn't get a good break once they served for their country... they kinda sorta got kicked to the curb - Thanks for your service, now be nice and stop being visible to the nation you bravely served and protected its freedom for.

To make it worse, many started out as whole complete human beings, but after serving in a war zone something broke inside of them.... I don't maybe humans ain't really cracked up to the whole slaughter or be slaughtered thing that War movies make us all see the honor and glory of the Craft of War.

Most homeless are terrified of the shelters. Bad stuff goes down in shelters, like rapes, like murders, like you know bad stuff. Even monitored shelters have crime problems.

You know who is most likely to rape you whilst in a shelter? the people running it, who are in theory suppose to watch your back. Yeah shelters are great, and while a goodly number of the workers are honest decent folk, apparently that job just draw in the sickest creeps imaginable, folk who love to take advantage of people who already are in a bad way.

Most shelters are already full, to get in you play a lottery - this means while you can get a cot and a hot meal tonight, you ain't necessarily going to get one one tomorrow. Every morning you have to give your name, every day at 5 or 6 om you have to be standing outside the shelter and ready to go in. If you are late, and your name was called, sorry, the bunk goes to the next person in line.

Social workers are over burdened with case loads... Forget real help coming from government... They send you to places like Catholic Charities or the Episcopalian Sanctuary where the churches are struggling to provide something resembling a hot meal and try to provide a dry spot and some form of safety for people to sleep a night.

Yes some homeless are drunks, and some are druggies - trust me, a bit of alcohol or drugs makes life a hell of a lot easier to live when you have no options and no hope of actually getting out of the streets.

Seriously, you think its hard to get a job when you have a phone number, and email address/ a snail mail address - its a hundred times harder when you don't have those things... or a fresh change of clothes if the potential boss can contact you via telepathy for you to come in for that job interview.

Since I know exactly what its like, I never give a person change.

I hand over bills, $5, $10, even $20 bills. When I have it. If I don't have it I look them straight in the eye and tell them:

'Sorry, I don't have money to spare.'

I treat them with the dignity and respect that a human being deserves. I do not make them invisible, I do not ignore them, I do not walk on as if no one spoke and no one is there.

When a person becomes invisible, ceases to exist, that is when strange things happen in the head and they start doing things like drinking, using drugs.. giving up and dying.

I don't lie to them either.


I don't care what they use it for. Seriously I hand over that money knowing that they asked for it because they need something. Oh yeah people do need drugs, do need alcohol in order to make it one more day.

Don't approve, that's your problem. Your disapproval and judgement is not going to end their problems, its not going to phase addiction or alcoholism in the slightest, it definitely doesn't make an already hard life harder.

So the 'lecture' about not doing drugs - stop - just shut your mouth... If you want to kick them while they're down then just kick them - preferably silently as that sends a clearer message.

Cain asked God 'Am I my brother's keeper?'

God didn't answer directly, however the biggest chunk of the bible is dedicated to demonstrating that yeah, we are our brother and sisters keeper.

This idea of tending to the sick, the poor, the hungry, the naked, the thirsty this isn't a concept solely owned and patented by Christianity - most religions have similar values.

And as for that guilt you experience, well that is a symptom of humanity. It will go away in time, if you just keep on lying or walking by quickly and averting your eyes.

[Steve]

^^ Excellent post. POV gives all of us more perspective. Thanks Bowyn.