Confused about myself....

[Anonymous]

A big hi to all GS members,

I have some issues that has been tormenting me for sometime. I think it would be better to share with you guys and get your advices/opinions.

I know I am a gay since I was about 10 years old. I was interested in pictures of dicks and nude guys while other boys around me were interested in pictures of boobs and nude gals.

Now, I'm in my mid-20s. I would like to be in a relationship with another guy and spend my life with him.

But here's the problem: sexual. I have been brought up quite religiously so I have very conservative thoughts about sex being rooted in my mind.

Thoughts like:
- Sex is to be done only after marriage
- I must have only one spouse in my whole life (Something like till death do us apart)

I feel that these thoughts might still be possible in heterosexual relationships.

But, I'm not sure if this is practical in a gay relationship. (Because I have never heard of any gay guy who said that he will only indulge in sex after marriage.)

I have tried changing my mindset but its really quite hard. The more I tried, the more guilty I felt.

Thinking about having sex while I'm dating makes me feel guilty and uncomfortable.

I know my thoughts sound very traditional and backward, but thats the culture that I have been brought up in.

I'm not sure if i dun have sex drive because I do watch porn and masturbate everyday.

I'm also not sure if this is related to any physiological issues.

I was thinking....

Is it possible to have a romantic relationship without sexual contact?

Or is it better for me to remain a celibate because my thoughts are just not practical?


PS: Please dun be hurtful in your replies as I'm quite sensitive.

Thanks.

[East]

I might be the worst person here to ask BUT I am observant and if you read gay boards these days...people like you are in the majority and are becoming the dominate force ....

Most everyone says they want the same thing you do so my guess is that there are a lot of gay men whom agree with you. If nothing else...assuming they aren't lying...you have many men waiting for you with your same "values". If you haven't heard of these guys...you are not reading enough gay boards

[Maverick]

Not sure how to help you resolve your beliefs, that is something you will have to sort out and go with your gut feelings. But I think you have to reach down deep to figure out what you feel it right for you, and not necessary what you've been "conditioned" to think is right.

Two recommendations:

Watch the movie "Latter Days (2003)"

Read the book "The Four Agreements"

[MikeW]

The honest truth is, God doesn't much care what you do with your wiener. I know the prevailing Christian attitude says otherwise but it isn't as simple and straight forward as that attitude makes it seem.

Go to youtube and search for "Matthew Vines" -- he's a gay Christian and there is a video of him addressing a congregation regarding what the Bible actually says about it. Long but possibly worth watching.

I have to keep this brief but may have more to say about it later. Good luck and welcome to GS, I hope you'll feel comfortable participating in the forum de-cloaked. There are a lot of good people here.

[Bowyn Aerrow]

When you meet that special guy that rocks your world and you just want to be with him for like ever... when to have sex will resolve itself.

I started out in relationships with the idea that it will be until Death do us part....

Well 6 failed relationships later I realize that that is a bit unrealistic.

I hold out that number 7 will be until death do us part... hope springs eternal and all of that crap.

I do have my rules, like the no sex for 30 days policy where I refrain from just leaping to bed - I want to get to know the person, see if we are compatible first. I made my first wait 6 months, but then I was struggling with coming out of the closet and accepting self.

You will find your own level. right now you are young and full of ideals and dreams of utopia and perfection....

Trust me, life will slap that out of you and replace it with tempered reason and realities and sufficient experience for you to compromise a little on your values, but not give up the core aspect of that.

What is the core? To find a partner you can pair off with and share a life with.

It may take a few tries before you get that.... Aim high, but prepare to not reach that goal right off.

You might be lucky and meet that one special guy and grow old with him never knowing the arms of another. Chances are low on that. Life and people are far more complex for such simplistic plans.

[Steve]

You're going to have to reconcile your religious beliefs with your sexuality. I know, I know, that's an easy thing to say...

Those deeply embedded religious roots that have been pounded into your head have to be examined for flaws. My partner is the son of an evangelical minister, and he knew he was gay pretty much as soon as you did. Although he was ripped up about it, he began to question the lessons he had blindly been taught to be the gospel truth. The more he questioned, the more inconsistencies he found. Check out the youtube videos that MikeW suggested you look at with Matthew Vines. There are more than one.

Here's one I like:

[Anonymous]

Thanks for your replies guys.

I will watch the videos and read the book as suggested.

[Wade]

I can't relate to such deep seated guilt because I wasn't brought up with any of those ideals. But it is kinda funny that you're concerned, as a homosexual, about breaking the whole "no sex before marriage thing" because of religion. Pssst.... you're gay... that's way worse than those other things you're worried about (according to your religious upbringing anyway).

It's kinda like when you see a morbidly obese person order 5000 calories worth of food at a McDonalds, but then make sure to order a diet coke instead of a regular.

I'm not trying to make light of your situation... well, maybe I am a little. I hope you get past those feelings of guilt and know that when it comes to judgement, the only person that matters is you. You're a good person, I'm sure. Love and be loved, good person.

[Anonymous]

I can't relate to such deep seated guilt because I wasn't brought up with any of those ideals. But it is kinda funny that you're concerned, as a homosexual, about breaking the whole "no sex before marriage thing" because of religion. Pssst.... you're gay... that's way worse than those other things you're worried about (according to your religious upbringing anyway).

It's kinda like when you see a morbidly obese person order 5000 calories worth of food at a McDonalds, but then make sure to order a diet coke instead of a regular.

I'm not trying to make light of your situation... well, maybe I am a little. I hope you get past those feelings of guilt and know that when it comes to judgement, the only person that matters is you. You're a good person, I'm sure. Love and be loved, good person.

Thanks Wade You are really kind