I think life is "Squeezing" you from every possible angle...
My personal opinion is..
You were pressured till you popped.
It would have been nice for you to have some support.. well before you popped... and now.
Is there a way to put all this on hold as opposed to walking away ?
Personally I believe. .. with a bit more support you'll calm down with a fresh perspective.
Suicide is never a good option... please ... dismiss that idea...
As long as you are alive you have options. ....
They might not be clear at this time.. but I encourage you to hang in there.
Talk to your parents..
Reach out to your brother. ..
Get all the help you can.
Statistically speaking, a degree in higher education of some sort gives a significant boost to your employment possibilities. You should know that the labor market in which young people with no degrees compete for jobs is not exactly ideal. There's a good chance you'll end up with some crappy low-paying job with random hours and high levels of stress. If it feels like "any job" is better than studying, please consider the risks you're taking and think about it in long term.
So, my personal advice would be to give it some time and explore your wants and possibilities. Even if philology was not your thing, perhaps some other field might be? Having studying force-fed to you is definitely going to be demotivating so I understand your frustration. However, studying is not the same everywhere. It depends a lot on what you're studying and where. And finding a field, which feels like your own, makes a tremendous difference in your motivation compared to studying something you hate.
As for your parents, don't let them make you feel guilty. Your education might have cost them a lot but your well-being should always come first. We are not born on this planet for the purpose of living up to the expectations of our parents. You should have a say in how you should live your life.
What I noticed was that you did not say whether you had any realistic plans for the future besides getting a profession and a job? Do you know what you want to do? Which field? Which company?
This uncertainty combined with your suicidal thoughts and your parents accusation of you being mentally ill, make me think that you might suffer from depression. Please go see a psychiatrist as soon as possible.
About your folks being mad at you. While their reactions don't seem very mature to me, I must admit they have a point. Generally, how is the relationship with your folks? You probably did not discuss dropping out with them, or how unhappy you are with philology?
You have a number of issues to deal with at the moment and it's pretty easy to feel overwhelmed. Don't let this stress you out too much.
You have mentioned that you would like to work. Give it some more thought. What kind of work would you be interested in? It is okay if you don't want to study any longer. But do plan your career and acquire the skills needed to succeed in whatever you choose to do. Some kind of apprenticeship or on the job training might be considered.
On the other hand, if you are one of those lucky people who are gifted with a talent(singing, literature, dancing, painting etc) you should choose a career that will allow you to use your potential to the best possible extent. Sort the career aspect out and slowly but surely everything will fall in place.
I hope everyone in their teens and 20s will take the 15 minutes to watch this whole video. I also recommend it for people who know someone in their late teens or 20s.
it is my opinion too that studying something that you have no interest for is a waste of time, degree or no degree. however, worse than finishing studies in anything is ending up on a dead-end job. even something as apparently as dull as philology has better career prospects and pay than pulling in nine-to-five on a job that doesn't interest you either for the rest of your life.
i quit my first college too. and i was actually interested in what i was studying. but i got a really good offer in the entertainment industry, and i've been working there ever since. i did start regretting quitting college though (i was studying aircraft piloting of all the things and i loved flying) and eventually i went back, though it's a different major and a different college now.
i can live the rest of my life with the experience and connections i've made in the entertainment industry. i don't have to absolutely get a degree and a paper for a decent income. i already have a decent pay and very good hours. but had i not gotten that first job like that and still quit college, if i was doing some low-pay useless crap i'd be pissed with myself. no matter what i had studied. i'd take the degree in philology (even though i think it's boring too) over a dead-end job any day.
i think you were a bit premature, quitting your studies before you had a job. you could've easily stayed in college (taken an academic leave of absence, for example) while looking for job opportunities. but that is my experience talking. i wouldn't quit something as major as that before having a backup. but that's me. you might have it easy, like i did. and in that case it will work out. but if you don't get a break and can't find a profession (not just a job), then you're gonna regret quitting college in the future. i wish you luck.
Do what you find interesting and stop trying to please your parents, they will get over it or they won't. I know too many people stuck in a field that they don't enjoy and it shows when I spend time with them. They are very unhappy with the way their life has turned out and I feel sorry for them for not doing something about it.
If you haven't watched the video Camfer posted, I encourage you to do so.
It's understandable that your parents are upset that you dropped out. What is more unfortunate is whatever led up to the decision to enroll in school and study that particular subject.
It takes courage to recognize that one is going down the wrong path, especially when our parents are invested in that path both emotionally and financially. It means running the risk of being seen as a disappointment to them -- and worse, to yourself. This is where the courage comes in. You have to begin to believe in yourself, that you do know what is best for you and that you can find a path that is more suited to who you are.
I understand your current state of distress but don't dwell in that too much. You haven't failed. You've just barely gotten started. Your whole life is before you and it can be an interesting and rewarding life. But it can only be that if you begin to allow yourself to truly engage in what DOES interest you. If you don't know what that is, and you very well may not if you've been funneled in a particular direction for years, then NOW is the time to begin finding out.
Obviously there's no road map anyone can give you about that. You have to trust that you will find what interests you. The best I can say is try and relax and, at the same time, become more attentive to what *excites* you. Finding what interests you is like finding something you can let yourself feel passionate about. When you find it, you won't have to force yourself to study it. You'll *want* to learn as much about it as you can.
Family will be family. And most of the time, they actually don't know what's better. Jusy cause' they raised you, doesn't mean they control your thoughts and wishes, and what not. School isn't for everyone. And everybody people should understand. A social norm doesn't have to apply to every single human being. You what seems fit to you, and what make you feel happy.
I know that you feel the weight of the world right now, but what concerns me more than anything is your well being. Needing relief from emotional pain and stress is something most people desperately want when life overwhelms you. Taking your own life, even thinking of it as an option, isn't the path for you. Please. If it isn't possible to see a therapist soon enough and life is hitting you that hard, there are suicide prevention numbers that you can call. Call them. The people on the other end of those calls won't judge you. They'll support you. They will help you sort your feelings out. You need them if you're really considering suicide. Don't worry about bothering people. Those people are there because they want to help. You're not bothering anyone.
I'm not dismissing the rest of your problems, but truly, they're secondary to your own well being right now. All those other problems, as bad as you believe they are, will resolve themselves in time. It is difficult to believe that advice from a total stranger, but please trust that those sorts of problems are temporary.
Think of yourself first and find a way to keep moving forward. Please find help immediately if you're considering harming yourself in any way. There are people that you don't even know who care about you and your feelings. Call for help.
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