Date someone who's transgender?

[Wade]

Is it possible, or would it clear up confusion, to acknowledge that words like "straight" and "gay" are too limiting, or lose all their meaning when it comes to trans men and women? It would make more sense I think to recognize two things: a person's gender they identify as, and the gender they are attracted to.

I tried explaining transgenderedness to my mother a few years ago when one of her friends "daughter" became her "son." It was.... difficult.

[Miles]

Well..that is actually the point I was making. The reason...it is often the "wrong answer" to say you won't date a transgender person if you are gay...my point is that the transgender person might not want to date a gay person either because they are "straight"....

Sorry, I misread your post...The pitfalls of scatterbrained multitasking, I suppose. But I get your point.

X shouldn't be guilted or considered "wrong" for not dating Y if Y doesn't have the qualities that lights X's fire...which often means physical as well as emotional and intellectual aspects, whether we want to admit it or not. It may sound harsh, but practically speaking, I don't see why Y would want X to date them if Y knows they can't light X's fire anyway, let alone consider X "wrong" for feeling as they do. And it goes both ways. X and Y can be friends (or not, it's whatever) and X can go get Z into their pantaloons, Z's up for anything

(hint hint I'm Z, shhh don't tell)

[meridannight]

X shouldn't be guilted or considered "wrong" for not dating Y if Y doesn't have the qualities that lights X's fire...which often means physical as well as emotional and intellectual aspects, whether we want to admit it or not. It may sound harsh, but practically speaking, I don't see why Y would want X to date them if Y knows they can't light X's fire anyway, let alone consider X "wrong" for feeling as they do. And it goes both ways. X and Y can be friends (or not, it's whatever) and X can go get Z into their pantaloons, Z's up for anything

this is way more confusing...

from what i understand East means hypocrisy. it is considered (is it?) ''wrong'' not to want to date a transgender person. however, a transgendered male-to-female person, for example, who refuses to date a guy who is interested in them on the basis of his sexuality is doing an analogous thing. so it's hypocrisy.

it is even weirder because of the fact that if they identify as a straight female, for example, straight women don't care whether the guy is hetero- or homosexual, generally; IF they even know his orientation. if anything, some of them think they can cure homosexuality. the only requisite a guy really needs is a dick. so it wouldn't really make sense for a transgender identifying as a heterosexual female to refuse a guy because he identifies as gay. they are either attracted to guys or not, you can't be attracted to a certain sexual orientation, i don't think. it would ultimately be their own insecurity in their gender that precipitates such a refusal, so it seems.

[Uneunsae]

Yeah, well a lot of guys reject me when they find out that I'm intersex. My downstairs isn't normal and it freaks people out. I think people fear what isn't "normal" or in the middle of the bell curve. I could write pages about this, but I don't have the energy and it will just start a debate. This is just my two cents to share my own life experience. Maybe someone will gain something from it.

The other situation I've encountered is men who fetishize me for my body and don't give a damn about who I am on the inside. This is dehumanizing.

Having a preference for masculine guys vs androgynous (like me) is one thing, and that's not what I'm talking about.

But I do identify as third gender, so I guess my body and identity are lined up? I don't know what people think about it. It's whatever. I quit trying to please the sheeple.

Anyway, it's related to the OP, but not exactly the same thing. I will probably be alone my entire life unless I meet a very special man. He will probably love me BECAUSE I'm third gender, NEVER in spite of it.

Also, sometimes we end up doing things we didn't think we'd do for a lot of reasons. Sometimes those things aren't quite what we thought they were and when we actually experience them, our minds are opened.

I would have no issues with an FTM if I felt masculine energy from him and it was clear that he isn't a girl playing dress up (tom boy). I have an FTM friend who is obviously male. No one could ever convince me that he's a woman. It's even hard for me to believe that he was born in a female body. We've been friends for years.

I don't give a damn how other people label me, either. If they would think I am straight for dating an FTM, then that's on them. It doesn't make it true.

[Aike]

this is way more confusing...

from what i understand East means hypocrisy. it is considered (is it?) ''wrong'' not to want to date a transgender person. however, a transgendered male-to-female person, for example, who refuses to date a guy who is interested in them on the basis of his sexuality is doing an analogous thing. so it's hypocrisy.

it is even weirder because of the fact that if they identify as a straight female, for example, straight women don't care whether the guy is hetero- or homosexual, generally; IF they even know his orientation. if anything, some of them think they can cure homosexuality. the only requisite a guy really needs is a dick. so it wouldn't really make sense for a transgender identifying as a heterosexual female to refuse a guy because he identifies as gay. they are either attracted to guys or not, you can't be attracted to a certain sexual orientation, i don't think. it would ultimately be their own insecurity in their gender that precipitates such a refusal, so it seems.

I'm not transgendered so my word may not count here BUT it doesn't make sense to me why a transwoman would want to date a gay man. If you've spent your whole life trying to fight against the false gender identity imposed on you by other people, why on earth would you want to date someone who doesn't recognize you as who you really are? A gay man - if we mean by "gay" men who are attracted to other men - will not identify you as a woman but a man. Would you date a straight man who identifies you as female?

[Uneunsae]

Sorry, I misread your post...The pitfalls of scatterbrained multitasking, I suppose. But I get your point.

X shouldn't be guilted or considered "wrong" for not dating Y if Y doesn't have the qualities that lights X's fire...which often means physical as well as emotional and intellectual aspects, whether we want to admit it or not. It may sound harsh, but practically speaking, I don't see why Y would want X to date them if Y knows they can't light X's fire anyway, let alone consider X "wrong" for feeling as they do. And it goes both ways. X and Y can be friends (or not, it's whatever) and X can go get Z into their pantaloons, Z's up for anything

(hint hint I'm Z, shhh don't tell)

Yes, I agree with this...

but I also know that X usually has his mind made up about who he is ahead of time and it often prevents him from being authentic, real, and open. That's his choice of course, but I'm saying that X might find that a lot more strokes his fire than he originally thought if he'd do some introspection and open his mind a bit.

[Miles]

this is way more confusing...

from what i understand East means hypocrisy. it is considered (is it?) ''wrong'' not to want to date a transgender person. however, a transgendered male-to-female person, for example, who refuses to date a guy who is interested in them on the basis of his sexuality is doing an analogous thing. so it's hypocrisy.

it is even weirder because of the fact that if they identify as a straight female, for example, straight women don't care whether the guy is hetero- or homosexual, generally; IF they even know his orientation. if anything, some of them think they can cure homosexuality. the only requisite a guy really needs is a dick. so it wouldn't really make sense for a transgender identifying as a heterosexual female to refuse a guy because he identifies as gay. they are either attracted to guys or not, you can't be attracted to a certain sexual orientation, i don't think. it would ultimately be their own insecurity in their gender that precipitates such a refusal, so it seems.

Why would a gay man want to date a straight woman?

[Uneunsae]

Oh, I also wanted to mention to OP -

I've encountered several success stories of gay men/FTM partnerships, so there are other men like you. You're NOT strange.

[laidbackscot]

I don't know is the honest answer. I've never been in the situation. However I am certainly open to the possibility.

Someone mentioned the film Romeos - I loved that film, very heartfelt.

Someone else mentioned labels and how they limit us - I think that's very true. I see myself as a gay man but there are times where the thought of being with a woman and even women themselves sometimes really turn me on.

So in the end... I keep an open mind.

[meridannight]

Would you date a straight man who identifies you as female?

he can think of me however he wants as long as i get laid. he can imagine i'm a fucking giraffe, doesn't make it true.