Will: The LGBT community has fought long and hard for marriage equality, and the battle is far from over. So...it surprises me a bit to hear that many of my LGBT friends view marriage as irrelevant. For them, it's a political, not a personal issue. And I know a number of straight couples who feel the same way, that marriage has no meaning or purpose.
Adam and I are getting married in January, On a practical level, there are legal and financial benefits, and the fact of our upcoming marriage has already proven very helpful with the adoption process.
Beyond that --- we aren't naïve enough to believe that marriage holds any guarantees or will solidify our relationship in any way. But, for us, it's an affirmation. A way to publicly say, Yeah...we're in this for the long haul. I've said before that our only "relationship rule" is that Failure Is Not An Option. And, we're both romantics, and cherish tradition and ceremony and ritual.
So --- what do you think? What do you think about marriage?
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To everyone his own, but I can tell about myself - I don't have any wish to marry.
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Congratulations on your upcoming nuptials.
I must admit that we only got married after 20 years together, so I could get my greencard. And we only did it after last years SCOTUS ruling. Internally nothing has changed between us, so I wouldn't expect getting married to magically cement your relationship even further. It's basically signing up for some government assistance to the commitments you already made to each other beforehand.
Bernd
Being gay is not for Sissies.
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I think....
I respect those who do it, and can make it work.
Legally and financially, I see the benefits. I also view those who are married as.... even more stable in their relationship, whether that's true or not for the couple.
I guess I view marriage on three tiers...
1) Legal and Financial - It is a legally binding contract between two people that have many financial benefits as well as some legal benefits (as, for example, your efforts to adopt indicate).
2) Political (and Religious) - A horrible fucking grouping, but there you have it. Society has made a huge mess of jumbling these two together on this issue where gay marriage is concerned. I find people who marry for this particular reason alone? Hypocrites. Not Religion alone. THAT on its own combined with personal (below) can be a beautiful thing. But someone who marries for politics? I just don't feel that's what it should be about. Unfortunately, in a lot of ways, that's what it's become through society's influence.
3) Personal (with or without Religion involved) - This is a beautiful thing and IMO what marriage should be about. When I see people who are married (whether straight or gay), this is where my mind goes and what I deeply -want- to believe is the reason behind their marriage. In this aspect of marriage, I see commitment and stability. I see LOVE and.... this is the aspect of marriage that makes me feel that deep feeling of respect for those that enter into marriage together.
For me? I have a bit of discomfort with the idea of getting married. It has everything to do with #1. Because, where there's legally binding contracts involved in personal relationships and emotions.... there's always a huge risk too. I have a hard time with that aspect.
Congrats on your upcoming marriage, man. Between you and Adam? I see totally #3 all the way.
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I have always viewed marriage as an oppressive institution. The thing that bothers me in general in life is hypocrisy and lies and so hearing marriage vows makes my skin crawl. It is a big thing for me to keep my word and I think one of my best qualities is that you can count on me...I am proud of that. I do not make promises I cannot keep because I like the value in my word and I don't think ANYONE can/should promise fidelity as you have no idea what will happen in your life ahead...just look at what actually happens in marriages. I think promising to be honest is 1000x better.
Having said that...we will be getting married...we are going to be together 29 years in 3 more days...It is for legal reasons and protection....a quick visit to the county clerk.
...One more thing...CONGRATS to you both!
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Marriage... It will stay my wish for not less than a decade, counting from now...
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I know getting married and a wedding is not the same thing. But if you have people who love you and support you wholeheartedly let them be part of your big day. We almost eloped but arranged it instead so that all of my mans immediate family could join us at the courthouse and at a brunch afterwards. Their love and support in the courtroom and at the brunch was so wonderful, I'm getting teary eyed writing about it now. That was one of the best moments of my life.
Bernd
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I hope to get married some day. I think it's the ultimate show of love to your partner. That you want to be with that person for the rest of your life.
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I am not sure what I think...
I basically agree with you Will, but I have two issues:
#1, I don't like being the center of attention. Getting married would put me in the center of attention for all of the guests... Terrifying prospect.
#2, It feels strange. I don't need to "show my love" by getting married. It just seems like an odd forced cliche - you fall in love, you move in together, you get married and then you probably get divorced. To me, marriage may have gotten a stained status of being the beginning of the end of the relationship. Maybe it's a subconscious thing I have from when my parents and basically every couple I know getting divorced.
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09-01-2014, 10:26 PM
(Edited 09-01-2014, 10:32 PM by meridannight.)
AdamAndWill Wrote:Will: So...it surprises me a bit to hear that many of my LGBT friends view marriage as irrelevant. For them, it's a political, not a personal issue. And I know a number of straight couples who feel the same way, that marriage has no meaning or purpose.
yeah, this has been my view on marriage since i can remember. it's useless. two people who love each other and want to spend their lives together don't have a need for this thing. it's a state institution, essentially. i don't think it is the business of the state who i live with. it is my personal life, and it does not concern anybody but me and my partner.
i am strongly for gay marriage rights though. it is nonsensical to refuse to let certain individuals make that commitment to each other if they want it. especially since marriage has long stopped being confused for a religious ceremony, and it didn't start out that way in the first place.
by the way, two people can get ''married'' without any state involvement. if it's just the ceremony you're into, you can have that without officially getting married. you can invite your friends and family and celebrate, and set some ''official'' date when you make a commitment to each other. you don't need a marriage license to have that. and, in my opinion, such a personal event would be much more meaningful and genuine.
this being said, if my partner really needed the offical thing, i'd go through with it. i am against marriage by nature and i don't see the need for it, but it's not some absolute principle of mine. but yeah, that's the only scenario where i see myself doing that -- if it really meant that much for the guy i was with.
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