Bhp91126 Wrote:I know getting married and a wedding is not the same thing. But if you have people who love you and support you wholeheartedly let them be part of your big day. We almost eloped but arranged it instead so that all of my mans immediate family could join us at the courthouse and at a brunch afterwards. Their love and support in the courtroom and at the brunch was so wonderful, I'm getting teary eyed writing about it now. That was one of the best moments of my life.
We thought of that but there is one BIG problem. We have ALOT of friends...I mean ALOT. I am very friendly and easily make friends in the 3-D world...he is very friendly but much more reserved.... and just the people who we regularly interact with...socialize...spend time with....easily over 100...and then the other causal ones...the list never ends
The other thing....a lot of the straight people we know are dying for us to get married so they can come to the wedding...a lot of conservative Republicans (LOL) who are really rooting for us and who spend a lot of time and energy defending gay marriage.....there is no way around making it a big thing for us and if we forget to invite people it will be really uncomfortable.
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East Wrote:We thought of that but there is one BIG problem. We have ALOT of friends...I mean ALOT. I am very friendly and easily make friends in the 3-D world...he is very friendly but much more reserved.... and just the people who we regularly interact with...socialize...spend time with....easily over 100...and then the other causal ones...the list never ends
The other thing....a lot of the straight people we know are dying for us to get married so they can come to the wedding...a lot of conservative Republicans (LOL) who are really rooting for us and who spend a lot of time and energy defending gay marriage.....there is no way around making it a big thing for us and if we forget to invite people it will be really uncomfortable. I see your predicament and understand why you do this rather low key. We had to travel to MD to get married, so that neatly excluded the friends-part and my family is overseas.
Bernd
Being gay is not for Sissies.
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If you dare mention the legal protections and benefits that come with a government-sanctioned marriage, you always get people screaming that you're supposed to be in it for love, not economics. Whether you are gay or straight, a government issued marriage license really is nothing more than a legality. If you wanted to have a wedding or some sort of commitment ceremony, lgbt people did not need the law for that. For decades now, we've been able to find some church, synagogue, mosque, temple, or a spiritual or not-spiritual leader somewhere that was willing to perform a ceremony for us, and straight people as well have been able to do the same thing without government involvement if they chose to do that. So the battle is not about a wedding ceremony, it is about the same legal protection straight people have that comes with a government-issued marriage license. People can say it is all about the money, but there is absolutely nothing to be ashamed about in having the compassion for the person you love in making sure they are taken care of, can stay in the the home you share, and have certain benefits passed on if something were to happen to you, the same as a straight married couple. What drives me nuts even more than the straight people fighting to keep marriage rights away from same-sex couples are the occasional sad, pathetic gay apologists we see who would rather accept being less than equal for fear of upsetting the bigots out there and maintain that we could get the same benefits by just going to a lawyer and having some contracts drawn up. Why should we have to go to the expense of a lawyer to get the benefits an opposite-sex couple could get by spending a few dollars on a marriage license and standing before a justice of the peace for a few minutes? Furthermore, in the U.S. those rights are still not equal as you can't make a contract outside of marriage to make your partner not subject to certain inheritance taxes married couples do not have to pay and you can't make a contract outside of marriage to allow your partner access to your social security benefits. As unromantic as it sounds, that is really all this battle is about. The love and commitment for my partner is there despite having or not having a marriage license and I do not feel at all greedy only wanting that license for the exact same benefits, nothing more and nothing less, afforded to opposite-sex couples.
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Iceblink Wrote:If you dare mention the legal protections and benefits that come with a government-sanctioned marriage, you always get people screaming that you're supposed to be in for love, not economics. Whether you are gay or straight, a government issued marriage license really is nothing more than a legality. If you wanted to have a wedding or some sort of commitment ceremony, lgbt people did not need the law for that. For decades now, we've been able to find some church, synagogue, mosque, temple, or a spiritual or not-spiritual leader somewhere that was willing to perform a ceremony for us, and straight people as well have been able to do the same thing without government involvement if they chose to do that. So the battle is not about a wedding ceremony, it is about the same legal protection straight people have that comes with a government-issued marriage license. People can say it is all about the money, but there is absolutely nothing to be ashamed about in having the compassion for the person you love in making sure they are taken care of, can stay in the the home you share, and have certain benefits passed on if something were to happen to you, the same as a straight married couple. What drives me nuts even more than the straight people fighting to keep marriage rights away from same-sex couples are the occasional sad, pathetic gay apologists we see who would rather accept being less than equal for fear of upsetting the bigots out there and maintain that we could get the same benefits by just going to a lawyer and having some contracts drawn up. Why should we have to go to the expense of a lawyer to get the benefits an opposite-sex couple could get by spending a few dollars on a marriage license and standing before a justice of the peace for a few minutes? Furthermore, in the U.S. those rights are still not equal as you can't make a contract outside of marriage to make your partner not subject to certain inheritance taxes married couples do not have to pay and you can't make a contract outside of marriage to allow your partner access to your social security benefits. As unromantic as it sounds, that is really all this battle is about. The love and commitment for my partner is there despite having or not having a marriage license and I do not feel at all greedy only wanting that license for the exact same benefits, nothing more and nothing less, afforded to opposite-sex couples. I love Alex to pieces, but marriage for me wasn't as important, but knowing my family they would steal everything I leave him if I were to die suddenly leaving him with nothing and obviously deny him anything that we have built together. I married because I wanted to protect our union. Yes I know it doesn't sounds like a marriage of love. But yes it did became love. But the main idea was to protect our union. If i'm leaving this world suddenly, Alex will not have the burden to fight with my snake pit family.
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The commitment between you and your partner is about the love. The contract between you, your partner, and the government is about protecting the one you love.
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Iceblink Wrote:If you dare mention the legal protections and benefits that come with a government-sanctioned marriage, you always get people screaming that you're supposed to be in for love, not economics. Whether you are gay or straight, a government issued marriage license really is nothing more than a legality. If you wanted to have a wedding or some sort of commitment ceremony, lgbt people did not need the law for that. For decades now, we've been able to find some church, synagogue, mosque, temple, or a spiritual or not-spiritual leader somewhere that was willing to perform a ceremony for us, and straight people as well have been able to do the same thing without government involvement if they chose to do that. So the battle is not about a wedding ceremony, it is about the same legal protection straight people have that comes with a government-issued marriage license. People can say it is all about the money, but there is absolutely nothing to be ashamed about in having the compassion for the person you love in making sure they are taken care of, can stay in the the home you share, and have certain benefits passed on if something were to happen to you, the same as a straight married couple. What drives me nuts even more than the straight people fighting to keep marriage rights away from same-sex couples are the occasional sad, pathetic gay apologists we see who would rather accept being less than equal for fear of upsetting the bigots out there and maintain that we could get the same benefits by just going to a lawyer and having some contracts drawn up. Why should we have to go to the expense of a lawyer to get the benefits an opposite-sex couple could get by spending a few dollars on a marriage license and standing before a justice of the peace for a few minutes? Furthermore, in the U.S. those rights are still not equal as you can't make a contract outside of marriage to make your partner not subject to certain inheritance taxes married couples do not have to pay and you can't make a contract outside of marriage to allow your partner access to your social security benefits. As unromantic as it sounds, that is really all this battle is about. The love and commitment for my partner is there despite having or not having a marriage license and I do not feel at all greedy only wanting that license for the exact same benefits, nothing more and nothing less, afforded to opposite-sex couples. So, if same-sex couples were given exactly the same legal rights and benefits as married couples get except that they couldn't get married but only have their partnership registered (i.e. civil union), it would be OK?
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It's not for me. I like a relationship where we wake up everyday and make the decision to be together no matter if it's a good day, bad day, etc. To me, that's a much stronger and more profound commitment. Marriage seems more shallow and pretentious to me. (to me PERSONALLY, in the context of my OWN feelings and philosophy, I am not saying that other people's marriages are shallow or pretentious).
But I believe in the right to choose. If it's an option, then it has to be available to everyone. Everyone has different beliefs so they should be able to live accordingly.
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Of course it's about love. A YT vid has been shared here many times (I'm too lazy to look it up for the 20th time) about how devastating to have the family come in and destroy the survivor's life after the love of his life died. It was absolutely horrible.
Another one that at least I've posted a handful of times was about lesbians married for well over a decade AND had gotten all the obligatory contract work done to back it up...they (with their kids) were vacationing in Florida when one had an embolism, IIRC, and the hospital ignored all the power of attorney and contracts basically saying, "We don't like gays, welcome to Florida." So everything about them was disregarded in an instant and one lesbian died without the people she loved all because the law didn't want to recognize their love. (Btw, civil union doesn't make one family in the eyes of the law, it's just a pat on the head for the most part that essentially screws you over if any wish to challenge it, especially in regards to the nation as a whole. Saying that's equal is like saying "whites and colored had equal drinking fountains" all those decades ago.)
One doesn't need to be political to support gay marriage, merely have a little empathy and compassion.
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^ My lesbian aunt lost her partner to breast cancer and it was very hard on her not to have certain legal rights. She was very fortunate that her partner's family accepted her and didn't shut her out of decisions and everything else. Most gays and lesbians who lose a partner are not that fortunate.
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Personally I love it both from the romantic/commitment aspect and from giving my loved one piece of mind if something happened. Luckily I don't think my family would cause any issues but it just makes things simpler.
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