Not Vers: Top or Bottom - Why?

[cunningluvr]

Someone asked me the other day why I identify with being bottom so much. I thought about it for a while, and couldn't answer, other than to say that being the bottom just seemed natural.

I'm curious - you folks that aren't versatile, that strongly identify with either a top or bottom role in bed - was it a conscious decision? Is it a matter of penetrating or being penetrated? Dominance vs. submission? Masculine or feminine? Pleaser or the pleased (that's probably not fair; I am so pleased to be used as an amusement park of pleasure )?

[TwisttheLeaf]

Top vs Bottom has two -separate- aspects for me.

Dominance /submission -- Prior to Gideon I was very neutral on this. Gideon immediately put me in bottom space, though. Something about him just... puts me there. I was unfamiliar with this aspect prior to Gideon, even though I was always quite dominant in most of my sexual encounters.

Penetrating / Penetrated - Always enjoyed being penetrated best. In fact, prior to Gideon, if I wanted to penetrate, I usually (not always, but usually) went for women. And when wanting penetrated, went for men.

These two are not necessarily always aligned. I can "submit / bottom" while penetrating. I can also "dominate / top" while being penetrated.

My choice to submit to Gideon though? To end up submissive to his Dominance, and bottom to his top? That was not a conscious choice. It just happened. It was my reaction to -him- that chose for me.

I still top. I still dominate. But those too, aren't really choices in my case. They're urges and needs that arise. In Gideon's case, bottoming/submitting -is- a choice. A choice he does for me when I need it.

[Bowyn Aerrow]

I'm a masculine fella, so called 'straight acting'. I hunt, fish, played sports, garden, work with tools (construction) don't mind changing oil an tuning up a car - grease is fine with me. The only time I lisp is when I am drunk... Oh no, wait, that is slur... two different things.

And its not all about penetration. I'm not that terribly fond of anal. I do it to please the man I am with and can get into for a time - but if I had my druthers it wouldn't happen at all. And that boils down to hygiene: Shit on a dick - ew.

Yet there are those moments when having "my man" inside of me brings all sorts of interesting emotions that I can't place names to the surface. Especially in the post sex stage where we are just lying there. Its complicated - so that thing about my druthers - well I guess that doesn't hold all the time... or does it and I just get caught in the moment? I don't know. Its a contradiction - I guess. None of my fantasies include anal. Real life and fantasy life appear to diverge.

Perhaps the dominance thing is more the deal. #5 was a total bottom - well when it comes to who penetrates whom.... but he was a control freak, liked to take charge and order me about and command me to ride him until the cows come home...

And I have done Dom/sub role play with more than one of my past partners through the years... Me as the sub... It just happened that way.

Yet... I do like to occasionally tie my man down and have my way with him. No, I don't want to penetrate him, but work him over a bit before allowing him to reach climax. Give him a test or three - oral tests of course...

So that is a streak of Dom, but its a bottom sort of dominion...

I am passive/submissive by nature. I am fiercely dominant in many areas as a matter of survival. I'm also a bit of a caretaker/nurturer. I'm also a dependent person, but again I am fiercely independent due to a harsh life and having to be as a matter of survival.

I don't recall making a choice about the matter. Its just the way worked out.

And I think its largely based on the person I am with. My last (and longest) relationship I ended up being the top in and out of bed. Yet I also cooked, cleaned, did laundry, picked up after him, woke him up for work, reminded him to take his medication twice a day... Basically I was his lover and his mother... So was it really me being a top or was it something a bit more scary?

[East]

I am versatile and either a top or bottom depending on the man I am with but I have rarely been both with the same man. For me...it depends on the chemistry we have. I have been exclusively a top now for almost 30 years and it feels natural...but I was a bottom for a lot of men before this and also in another relationship and that felt natural as well. .

[Virge]

I'm curious - you folks that aren't versatile, that strongly identify with either a top or bottom role in bed - was it a conscious decision? Is it a matter of penetrating or being penetrated? Dominance vs. submission? Masculine or feminine? Pleaser or the pleased (that's probably not fair; I am so pleased to be used as an amusement park of pleasure )?

[SIZE="4"][COLOR="Red"]I think a lot of the "top or bottom" definitions are just more of the LABELS I rant about all the time. Twist pointed this out talking about how Gideon made him want to bottom even though he's mostly been a top in the past. There's not a set EITHER/OR option to this within long term relationships or within one time hook ups.

There's all sorts of new information coming out that is going to eventually change the way people perceive sexual identities. We know that sexual preferences are determined by hormone levels starting six weeks after conception. They don't yet understand the way they timing and amounts of hormones work but if you look at the variances in the guys who are identified as 'gay' --- from extremely effeminate to extremely masculine --- you can get an idea
the fetal hormone levels and timing are not the same for everyone.

I identify with being a top more than a bottom. Before I met Jay he was like Twist and was mostly a top. He rarely wants me to bottom even when I'd like him to. And to be totally honest I don't want him to do it 'for me." I want him to do it when he has that compelling urge to do so.

And Cunningluvr --- you need to re-think your "bottom as the pleaser" idea. As a top feel I am obligated to be the pleaser and go to extremes to make sure I am!!!! Hahahahaha!



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[Cuddly]

I change with the season it seems.. I haven't figured out why.

[Steve]

Pleaser or the pleased (that's probably not fair; I am so pleased to be used as an amusement park of pleasure )?

Funniest thing I've heard all day. But it is really early.


What is all this nonsense? Masculine or feminine? Submissive or Dominate? Please.

Sometimes I like to get skewered like a shish-kebab. Sometimes I like to f*ck him through the nine rings of hell. It's almost always been like that for me.

Depends on the guy too. Some of 'em want to squeal like a stuck pig, some of 'em think I'll be shy and sweet while they gently dip their toes in the water. Which is a lot of B.S... Like I'd ever be shy and sweet.

I'm a not just a bossy bottom, I'm a dictator demanding your dick hit my 'tater with sniper like precision. And damn well pound me into the floor while you're at it. As for nailing some poor soul with my pearl harpoon, I can be gentle for a meek "I've never done this before, please don't hurt me" check your oil with my dipstick. But I'd rather piston like a drag racer and shoot so hard that you can pretty much taste it in the back of your throat.

It isn't a question on some getting-your-gay-membership-card test for me. If I want to do something in particular I'll either roll on up with a latex laminator, or I'll roll over and lift my legs to jesus. If my guy wants something particular he asks for it. It's plunder or be plundered. We don't think about any role we play. Mostly I'm dominant prick whether I give or get cornholed, although sometimes I can play sweet Polly Purebred too. Either way there best be some 10w-40 nearby.

It's all about mood and the guy, mine or not. Sex is all about how you make the other guy feel for me, but I like to get as good as I give.

Now being an ElectroLux is a whole other head...

[AlohaShannon]

My jaw dropped after reading Stevie's post and I still feel my melon spinning! HILARIOUS!!!

I don't feel that identifying with top, bottom, or versatile is a label thing nor do I believe one makes a person more dominant than the other. For me personally, I would prefer to bottom because I am more sexually stimulated that way. I enjoy orgasms more when I finish while receiving rather than finish while giving. However, I can do both. In some regards I do feel like I identify with the more feminine role as I like to shave my legs, underarms, smell like flowers and patchouli, and cuddle. But on the same hand, I would not like to be in a relationship where my partner expects me to cook and clean just because I like to take it (I have to add that though I like to bottom, I like to be on top when I do).

Ultimately, I prefer to bottom because it just feels so damn good!

[Virge]

[SIZE="4"][COLOR="Red"]I'm sitting here with my first coffee laughing my butt off with the dogs thinking I'm laughing at them fighting over a new squeaky bone... It's too early to hear two butt donors ranting about the wonders of bottoming.

Well Stevie ... let's see.... You talk about a skewer, a harpoon, a dip stick...... I feel left out.
hahahahaha! You should have given an honorable mention to febreze cans. One of my favorite positions is to get a frantically greedy rump in the right position so I can penetrate and do oral at the same time. There's nothing wrong with taking a shower with a guy who has feet that are afraid they might drown either. I'm always happy to keep them up high and dry.
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[COLOR="Red"][SIZE="7"]Shannon!!!!!!!
Where you been man???[/SIZE]
[SIZE="5"]A month ago I started a thread about you
spreading rumors you were in prison,
abducted by aliens,
or maybe just seriously dating

In any case --- it's good you see you again!

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[Frente]

I see myself as being a bottom-guy. Mostly because I really have no interest in being the top.
I have talked about this with my straight best friend. He does not understand completely why I don't have any interest in being the penetrating part of the sexual act, but rather be the penetrated. He asked me: "what if you were straight?" and to that I just shrugged. I don't know if I was straight? I've enver been straight :p

I am not sure why, but the idea of topping/penetrating is just not something I am that interested in. I've never tried it, but the idea of it just seems unnatural for me. I think it has something to do with the fact that I love the feeling of being very close to someone else and feel protected (really, nothing beats the feeling of being protected!).

But I have said: I have no idea, it is just how I feel!