trust issues

[Lost]

I am not discouraged in the least about those relationships. As far as I am concerned, that was a red flag to me.I am confident with the past decisions I have made. I am surrounded by family and friends who love me. I know I will find someone who I can spend the rest of my life with. I just want to know why is it so common place in the gay world to do this?

[Virge]

You called?????

(Starting off with some sarcasm)
Oh yes!!!! It makes perfect sense to date guys who are not friends with everyone they've been intimate with! It's a real good indicator of how they are going to deal with you and the fact that you think this is a desirable quality, it says a lot about what you are looking for. If you have some issue about guys being friends instead of enemies with the people they've been intimate with you need to look at it and see that it's your issue and you're imposing your issue and expectations on others and judging them by a standard that really has nothing to do with reality.

If I judged my guy that way eight years ago I wouldn't have him now. He'd been with more men than he could count and he was friends with almost all of them. The ones he wasn't friends with were the ones who chose not to be friends with him --- mainly for them imposing their expectations on him --- like being possessive and wanting to rush him into relationships. When he and I started "seriously" dating all his exes became friends to me and were the best sorts of advisors and relationship counselors to teach me what to do and not to do if i wanted to really make things work with Jay. It was great! Jay was telling them all the things he liked about me and all the things he didn't like about me and they couldn't wait to let me know what Iw as doing right and what i was doing wrong!!! There was a big difference in him giving complements to me and hearing it from his own friends and ex sex mates that he was going around bragging on me being better than them at some things.

Now they are my best gay buddies and like me as much or more than him!

Then there's another side to this. In my version of "living a good life" I don't judge ANYONE on what they have to do to make it from one day to the next. In fact the basic thing I've figured out about all people is they all do the best they can to get from one day to the next with the tools they have to work with at the time they have to deal with things. Everyone deals with things in different ways and for me to impose my values on them as judgement calls is the same as expecting them to be people they aren't capable of being.

They only guy I've slept with that I'm not friends with is one who expected me to cheat on and lie to my guy in order to sneak off and screw him when he wanted it. He got pissed when I told him no and he kept calling. Finally I asked my guy to explain it to him the next time he called.

AND I bet you probably would get all bothered if a guy started telling you about his past sex experiences. So much for keeping it so you and he can be TOTALLY honest with each other about EVERYTHING. I'm going to let my guy tell me anything he wants to tell me about anything he feels comfortable talking about. He's told me everything from the candy bar he stole at twelve to cheating on a big test when he was 17.... and peeking on a neighbor having sex with his girlfriend when he was 12. I've told him everything and not going to drag all my secrets into this! Hahahhahahahaha!

Anyways I tell you what. You find yourself a guy who fits your expectations and see how long it lasts and get back to me and see if me and my guy are still together. Winner gets the rights to say....
I told you so!

[Iceblink]

Sorry about the last one guys, typo

Okay, I saw the post before your edit and I was like, "what the hell???" Just to make it clear to people wondering about the odd nature of the first two replies, we saw something different than what is there now. There was really no way to respond to it. It was like someone telling you a story by saying "In the beginning there was," and then stopping there.


About your new post, for at a short time at least, I remained friends, or friendly, with most of my exes and the people I dated. The reason is, most of the time you have and have gained some mutual friends and the places you you hang out, you are most likely going to be running into the person. some people thrive on the drama with their exes, but I don't want that. I do not want to makes things anymore uncomfortable for me, him, or the people around us. Have you ever had a friend that had animosity with his ex and when you were out and about your paths were always crossing with the ex? it is not only unpleasant for them, but also for everyone around them. Believe me, if you can maintain a civil relationship with exes and those you dated, life will be easier for everyone. Over time, I've grown apart from most of my exes just because in life, that is what happens. A couple of the guys that I did not have a serious relationship with but more of a casual dating one, I have remained friends with for many years and it remains to this day. If you are able to maintain a friendship with someone you went out with at one time, what is the problem? Why should "because you dated them" be a reason to not have a friendship?

To your point about so many guys avoiding commitment and guys that are in open relationships, so what? There are people that are fine in open relationships and should not have to change because of your judgment about heir relationships. You don't like that there are a lot of people out there making judgments about you wanting to be in a same-sex relationship? Then stop making those same kind of judgments about other people's relationships. About the guys that do not want commitment, there are just some that, for whatever reason, do not want to be in a relationship. There are quite a few of these guys in the gay world, but why should they have to change what they want out of life just because it makes it more difficult to find what you are looking for? We are fighting the marriage equality battle to give everyone that opportunity to make that choice if that is what they choose and desire, and are not fighting it with the idea every gay man and lesbian must live up to and seek that ideal.