Strange Situation

[MikeW]

My first LTR was with a woman, ten years. It was a different era but I identified as 'gay', which puzzled everyone, including me. But like you said, I fell in love with a woman. What I loved about her wasn't her body (although she had a great body), it was her personality. In fact, although we haven't been together since 1986, she is still my best friend in the whole world. She lives in another country most of the year but we Skype two or three times a week and see one another a couple times a year. After that relationship was 'redefined' (mostly because the sex wasn't that great, ok, but not great for either of us) I had two male relationships (both now deceased). Just saying, the labels are more fluid than we think.

I think the most important thing in a relationship is honesty. So long as she knows your history and that this is an exception to the general rule of your physical attractions, I don't see any problem with it. So, no advice, just saying 'it happens'. We love whom we love.

[50Plus]

We love whom we love.

Well, We are who we are.

Well, there are those in power who seek to control those perceived as being beneath them. It is the ones in power who love labels for others for they let them pigeon hole / slot others in to specific life categories. And the great unwashed love labels too, for they can then obtain a sense of belonging that their otherwise pathetic lives would not allow.

Well, that is enough from me for now.

[Jason74]

I told her about my past and my experiences with guys and that I dated guys and what not and she was a bit taken back by it but she has accepted or seems to have accepted it. She has a best friend that visited her while she was at the park that is gay and I hadn't told her about my past by then and stuck up for her friend when some guy was giving him shit that had nothing to do with his sexuality.

I mean I am not sure how long it will last or what will come out of it but I am just along for the ride. I left the grand canyon to get a job at a place I will be at for the winter and it sucked to leave her but she is getting a job here as well and we will see where it leads from there. She is a bit younger than me and sometimes I dwell on that but she doesn't and tells me that I shouldn't either so I am trying to not think about it.

I am a pretty go with the flow type of guy so I am not really expecting anything and if she finds someone else I think I would be pretty cool with that because I have never been very good in relationships but for now and until that day it happens I am going to put 200% into the relationship at all times.

Thanks for all the advice and all the interest in this topic, I appreciate the responses.

[LJay]

What if she hangs around? You sound like that might make you a bit nervous.

[Jason74]

It does make me nervous to the point that we recently broke up because I felt like when we were together it was cool and I was open to trying something that I haven't done in a long time and then when I was away from her my feelings for guys resurfaced and I started to look at gay porn and get off to it and its like its on my mind all the time and all I can think about is cock and other men. I of course didn't tell her that I was drawn back to guys again but I really want to tell her because she wants to remain friends even though I have tried to cut off all ties.

I am not sure if I am gay or bi or whatever and really don't like labels but when I am thinking about guys more than anything else then I am sure that I am gay. My feelings go up and down, one week all I can think about is guys and then the next its pretty mute and I am not thinking about anything. Not many people where I am living and working know of my sexual orientation and really don't think it should be a topic that I want to discuss with people or even bring up cause its really not anyones biz. Well perhaps I will tell her or perhaps I won't. I just know that its not fair for her that I am having sexual feelings for other guys still and that it comes and goes.