need your advice

[Captain]

Hi everyone, I'm Captain and I'm a bi-female curently in a realtionship with my life long best friend she is a girl. we have been together for about almost one year, but before we dating we are already know each other very well. our relationship are really wondefull, she is caring and really know what I want, I never complain about her. She also feels the same way about me, we are comfortable around each other and we love each other deeply. I would send her flower every once in a while and she will also send flower back to support me. Until today we both haven't come out, since this kind of relationship still considered taboo in our enviroment. so we both agree to keep this a secret from our family and friends, until today only one of our best friend know about this.

so here comes the problem, my gf are quite popular among the boys she have this andogynic (not sure how to spell) face and also great outgoing personalities, so no wonder a lot of boys fall in love to her. there is this one boy who curently have a huge crush on her and constantly chasing her (no ones knew we are dating), and he keep on trying to win her. he constantly message her on fb and texting her phone, this really bother me. I can't forget how he suddenly appear during our movie date night ast my gf's house and invite himself to join even if my gf politely refuse. My Gf know that this bothers me alot so she stop talking from that boy, and I feel like a jerk. The boy, not knowing what exactly going on, keep on asking my gf the reason she back off. this boy is acctually a nice guy, he is even the nicest person in our group of friend and also my GF best friend. And it hurt my heart to see him break down like that, so my gf comes to him and appologize that she cannot reply his feeling, if he can live with this they can be friend again.

problem solved for a while, but lately it has been start again. Because that boy start texting and messaging my gf on a regular basis again and the words are too friendly, and I think it's too much for just best friend. He is also trying to take my gf to the cinema and dinner just two of them as 'just friend'. My gf, being a toughfull girl she is, politely decline the offer. but whenever we met (we are in a same group of friends, so we hang out together) he try to get closer to my gf and even try to touch her, not in perveted ways but constantly hugging is not normal, right? moreover all my friends tought that my gf also has the same feeling to him, so they constantly cheering on him to get my gf. this make hanging out with my friend less comfortable.

I don't know what to do, I trust my gf, but I also want this to stop, I want to be friends with him again but I also want him to stop chasing my gf. I really want to tell him the truth, but my gf wont let me. I trust my gf, and I know she wont dump me for him, but still, the problem lies with that boy and my friends that are cheering for him. what should I do to make it stop? if this going on, they will try to set them up (I know they will).
Ps: sorry for the long post

[Bowyn Aerrow]

Your options are limited.

In private discuss this with your GF and see what she thinks.

I can understand that she may not be as willing to shut him down because it may hint that there is the lesbian angle here which I take it is not something either one of you want everyone to know.

However its been my experience that most humans are not that bright and don't leap to the same conclusions we think they may.

She needs to decide if its time to let him down again. This time telling him that if he can't be just friends with her, that perhaps he needs to spend time with other people until his feelings for her diminish to where they can be just friends.

The problem with rejecting people is there really isn't a nice way to hurt a person, and rejection hurts. She tried nicely to explain she doesn't share the same feelings he has for him. She needs to explain that again.

As for these other friends who think she has feelings for him, they need to be told that no - she likes him as a friend but is not feeling love for him. So they need to stop pushing him into pursuing her.

I think if they knew that she just isn't attracted to him as lovers, but only as friends, then they can assist with managing his hurt at being rejected.

I doubt they understand what really happened, in that she said 'no' (not the why). I suspect if they knew that she had said 'no' to the lovers thing they wouldn't be pushing him at her.

Perhaps he has lead them to believe that the case wasn't as clearly settled? Perhaps he didn't fully understand, or maybe he just can't accept it and is in denial...

Either way that works, he needs to be discouraged no only by her, but by the other friends.

[Captain]

Thanks for the great advice

Acctually I believe my gf has stated them as just a friend
And the boy clearly declare that they will only remain as friend (this is based on what my gf told me and I trust her)

As for my friend my friend already ask them to stop because its anoy her, but considering how nice my gf ask them they might be think she is only being shy to admit her feeling to the boy. But I will try to convince them to stop doing it again.

[Borg69]

IMO - YOU need to stop being so insecure and jealous, and your GF needs to be more direct with this boy and tell him she is not and never will be interested in him in anything more than a friend and if he can't handle that she can't be his friend anymore.

You can't have it both ways. You either put up with him, or you be direct with him. He doesn't have to know WHY she's not interested in him. No is reason enough. If he can't abide by that, she needs to stop responding to him so politely - which is encouragement in his eyes thinking he can wear her down and win her over if he just hangs in there long enough.

Now... YOU... are too jealous, controlling, and insecure. Being overbearing and untrusting like that is probably going to eventually chase her away.

[tiredofmyex]

I don't think you're jealous Captain or insecure. I think your worries are legit. I understand your relationship with your GF and that you want to keep a secret. I was in a similar relationship with me ex. We dated without anyone knowing! But I think you need to have a chat with your GF and tell her to be more direct with this dude and finally tell him she's not interested. You can even do that for her if you're all friends. You would simply come off as someone who has your friend's back but in reality, you are vouching for your GF. So keep and open and honest line of communication open with your GF!

[Jake]

Hahahaha girl you can't stop others for wanting a run at your girlfriend, you just need to learn to accept it. I'd wish people would stop wanting to fuck my husband, but what the hell can I do, the dude is amazingly beautiful and he makes head turns, he makes girls and gay guys drool and straight guys jealous and/or envious. But what I'm happy about is that he chooses me no matter how some people tend to believe he deserved more. He believes that he can't have better than he already have and choose not to pay attention to people's comment on his choice of partner. Your partner is with you, pay attention to you and her and don't worry so much about others. And yeah, that boy, you need to tell him, he won't know and will keep on trying mostly if your girlfriend keeps giving him signs that he may succeed.

[Alex]

Hahahaha girl you can't stop others for wanting a run at your girlfriend, you just need to learn to accept it. I'd wish people would stop wanting to fuck my husband, but what the hell can I do, the dude is amazingly beautiful and he makes head turns, he makes girls and gay guys drool and straight guys jealous and/or envious. But what I'm happy about is that he chooses me no matter how some people tend to believe he deserved more. He believes that he can't have better than he already have and choose not to pay attention to people's comment on his choice of partner. Your partner is with you, pay attention to you and her and don't worry so much about others. And yeah, that boy, you need to tell him, he won't know and will keep on trying mostly if your girlfriend keeps giving him signs that he may succeed.

You seem to forget that you didn't fall from the ugly tree yourself, people aren't always looking at me you know? You don't always see it but you quite often get the staring look yourself but you're too concentrated at looking at people looking at me. You make head turns too my sexy kitkat boy lol.