Where to turn

[matty7]

saying it out loud to one person is a huge weight off your shoulders so if you trust this gay friend not to tell anyone else then start with him, I think you will feel better for it

[Bowyn Aerrow]

As a general rule (not 100% true), people are most comfortable with people who are comfortable with themselves. Being comfortable with who you are allows you to be more comfortable with other people, the way they are.

So that is why I can sit on a bus bench minding my own business and have people sit down and proceed to confess to me all manner of sin, up to and including murder.

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001 Ive come out to a few close friends after realizing i am bisexual

002 I have one close friend that is gay and would love to turn to for advice and to let me meet new people with but am unsure yet if I am ready to tell anyone else that I know ie friends and relatives

Frengy87,

There appears to be a conflict between line 001 and 002.

You came out to people, then you state you are unsure about coming out to people. Those two statements are in direct conflict to one another.

Perhaps the issue is not so much coming out to people, but coming out to a specific person?

Got feelings for this guy? IF so perhaps those feelings are standing in the way of your confession.

[Virge]

As a general rule (not 100% true), people are most comfortable with people who are comfortable with themselves. Being comfortable with who you are allows you to be more comfortable with other people, the way they are. It's when we give *too much* importance to what we imagine other people may think of us that things get all screwed up. As a general rule (ditto), most people don't think about us at all beyond, perhaps, a moments irritation or appreciation. Beyond that, we're as "nothing" to them as they are to us. Exceptions are people we care about and who care about us: Our "families" whether blood related or not. But if they we/they truly do *care*, then being 'who we are' should be comfortable, perhaps even comforting. Doesn't mean we're all alike. Difference, spice of life, makes things interesting, and all that.

Point is, *being* who you are as opposed to "coming out" about who or what you are. Just be it. They, the people who matter, will figure it out.

Mike you need to save that advice in a text doc so you can cut and paste it.

[MikeW]

Mike you need to save that advice in a text doc so you can cut and paste it.

Maybe I'll put it in my signature for awhile.

[LJay]

Welcome here, frengy. It is likely that nearly all of the people on this board have been in your shoes so don't be bashful. Folks here don't mind helping.

Take your time with it all. Sometimes we think that x is the problem and then, after thinking aout it a while, we decide it is really why that is what needs dealing with. That's why taking your time is important and helpful. Twist is right. It is really no one's business for people to know about you unless you want them to. Giving it all some space to take its own shape will help you to know just who should know.

[LEANDRONJ]

Great advisers here! good job guys!

There is not a more liberating feeling of being then letting people that matter in your life know WHO YOU TRULY ARE!!

[LEANDRONJ]

Does one ever become 100% comfortable with themselves? There's always that self doubt and apprehension. Fist day of school, prom, college, applying for a job, first dates, moving out on your own, driving for the first time...

As in all things in life, you educate yourself best you can and balance the rest with baby steps, and a leap of faith - go for it and see what happens. YOU will never see yourself as a Bi guy until you get out there and start owning it and being a Bi guy.

So true! even thinking that you are 100% sure who you truly are, there is always something new to learn about yourself every single day of your life!

[50Plus]

My suggestion is to go for beverages with your gay friend. Eventually ask him how he came out.

Should you ask him that more than once, he will be asking you why.

Being in the moment and with a life person is so much better than a bunch of semi-random electrons on a computer screen.

[reaper]

It's good you have a gay friend, that should make it a bit easier to tell him. As for anyone else, I guess you would have to do that when you feel ready.

I'm kind of in a similar situation. I haven't toldy anyone yet, not anyone I know well anyway, but do plan on telling a few people soon. This weekend I was going to tell my mother and aunt, but my aunt is now overseas for 2 weeks, and I didn't really have any time to talk with my mother about it.

But I'm at peace with this personally. It's not a crisis or a big deal to me, probably due to me being a bit older, it's just what is.

I've made it a point not to overthink this. To much thinking can become counterproductive and spiritually draining.

Relax, accept what is, and deal with situations when they arrive.

Otherwise you thoughts will lead to fear.

[MikeW]

Relax, accept what is, and deal with situations when they arrive.

Otherwise you thoughts will lead to fear.

Lol, very true! So many of us are STILL learning *that* lesson!