A bisexual woman told me that many bisexuals can't be monogamous

[Jake]

Funny enough how indeed it keeps on coming back. But Melody I did at some point provided a very very detailed post about bisexuality including all the myths the different types based on several researches which I even myself participated as sociologist. Bisexuality is real, and yes they can be monogamous. Gays are sexually and emotionally interested into same sex. Bisexuals are interested and or curious with both sex, most is very often sexual in the very first stage of defining oneself as bisexual. But a bisexual definitely can be monogamous just like straight/gay couples - monogamy is a choice, bisex/straight/gay aren't.. Want the best example? ME I am actually a bisexual, I have been with both women and men, I was in relationship with two women and had kids with both, at least one of the girl I was able to never seek a penis to satisfy the gay side as I was okay and so was she for me to jerkoff watching gay porn - and that was enough. But right now and for last 9 years I have been with my now husband Alex and since then I haven't touched or desired a woman, but that doesn't change the fact that I am still a bisexual.

That is the only comment I'm going to put in here and I am not responding to [B]unproven OPINIONS for anyone. Should you want to discuss it further PM me and we can definitely chat about it in details [/B]

Here post 19 - https://gayspeak.com/showthread.php?t=29...ual&page=2

[Bowyn Aerrow]

As a gay man I'm here to tell you that many gays can't be monogamous...

And if Kori (a straight friend of mine) was allowed to know where I post, I bet she would fill up this site with her 'rant' that no straight man can be monogamous... She recently discovered that her husband of 19 years hasn't been altogether faithful. (yes I'm currently hiding from her)

Monogamy is not a natural human thing. Not for the long term. Thus we get things like the 7 year itch, and mid life crises flings and other predictable episodes where everyone pretty much knows that someone is going to step out of the marriage/relationship and look for some sex.

I think we all are aware that over half of marriages end in divorce.

Humans are not gibbons, swans, black vultures, wolves and a relatively small handful of other species that mate for life (real monogamy). As such we find monogamy to be a really special thing and make a huge deal out of it, and use it as part of the vow making process in order to show that we have stronger than average feelings for that person we want to get down and dirty with.

Its not just an issue of bisexuality or homosexuality, its just human nature.

Sure the straights talk a good talk, but honestly their divorce rate tells the sad story about just how less able to be wholly honest and faithful that they really are.

Between Gibbons and Bonobos humans sit, gibbons are near pure monogamous primates, Bonobos are the near pure promiscuous primates, humans are the primates able to rationalize and contemplate their behavior and strive for monogamy but are actually struggling with a desire to be promiscuous.

[Pix]

What do you guys think is this true that bisexuals can't do monogamy and that their attractions will shift ?

I think it's true of HER, but not all people (some people are convinced everyone must be like them). Nor is it restricted to bisexuals, there are straight and gay/lesbian who also can't do monogamy, and straights have plenty of swingers, sex clubs, pervy want ads, and wildly hedonistic & erotic parades and spring breaks as those who are gay. And there are plenty of straight men and women who also constantly shift in their desires and some will even say they just get bored as the initial infatuation wears off and have to find someone new, and many of these people convince themselves that everyone is just as bad and/or weak as they themselves are.

Oh, and no, she doesn't get a pass from having her ridiculous assertion challenged. She does not speak for the bisexual community. Likewise, plenty of people hate their race, gender, and other characteristic they were born with, but if anything that's even worse. Just because some who say men are inherently rapists who can't help themselves are themselves men (there really are, one was even a judge who said so publicly) doesn't mean he's less ignorant than a woman who says the same, or that a woman who says all women are lying skanks who deep down want to be abused by a "real man" mean she's less ignorant than a man who says the same. If anything, it's even worse...though it does reveal something about the speaker who says it.

That said, I can believe her specific sexuality shifts like that and I believe some people are wired to be polyamorous whatever their orientation, and that monogamy can't work for people like that. But that doesn't mean that everyone else who shares a trait with them (be it gender, race, orientation, or even DNA) is just like them. Seems obvious to me that the world is filled with differences and variations. As long as she's open about who SHE is (and leaves off telling everyone else who THEY are) then that's her biz and I wish her well at it...there are people she can be compatible with who would welcome her as much as she'd welcome them, but she needs to look for those specific people rather than mistaking the entire world as her kind of people.

[Bluelight]

Sounds like she has personal issues that she just wants to blame on her sexuality.

[dynamodean]

This happened on another site where a bisexual woman got in a fight because she was being biphobic . She wrote a post saying that many bisexuals can't be monogamous and have a problem with monogamy , she said that because many bisexuals have fluid sexuality they will for a few years have their attractions shift from men to women or women to men depending and I can't expect them to be monogamous to me for the rest of their life . She is also having trouble in her relationship which she's been in for 28 years and her girlfriend and her usually does 3 ways with guys together to keep the marriage together , but now she said she is craving men and wants to sleep with men badly but is fighting it .she claims to be a monogamous bisexual . She also hates monogamy and thinks it's not possible for humans or bisexuals . She also said if she were a lesbian or straight she would be wary of dating bisexuals , I told that some bisexuals can be monogamous to their partners and she told me she was trying to open my eyes and that I couldn't handle the truth . One of my friends who is also lesbian said that after learning this she will be only dating lesbians the same woman then turned around and called her biphobic . I'm also feeling the same way as my friend but I'm still open to dating bisexual women . Another bisexual person ended up getting upset at me for saying that all bisexuals aren't like that for calling her comment where she said if she was lesbian or straight she wouldn't date bisexuals biphobic and told me because she's bisexual she gets a pass .
What do you guys think is this true that bisexuals can't do monogamy and that their attractions will shift ?

Sounds to me like she is suffering from infidelity and likes to sleep around because she cannot for the life of her be monogamous. This is not to be confused with bisexuality, which apparently is the label she's hiding under. Whether or not she is truly bisexual is not the issue here. Her problem is that she is unable to stay faithful. Unfortunately for all the bisexuals, her bad apple is spoiling the entire barrel for us.

[Virge]

I feel that bisexuals can be monogamous just as easily as everyone else. We can love someone enough not to cheat on them. If I'm with a woman, yes I would still find men attractive, but I would still love the woman and want to be with her and her alone. I feel its the same with all couples. We all are in relationships and we can all be tempted at one point or another to cheat.

Wait it hasn't been a month when you admitted to being a virgin and now you're speaking as an authority on the ability of bisexuals to be monogamous?

[Bowyn Aerrow]

Wait it hasn't been a month when you admitted to being a virgin and now you're speaking as an authority on the ability of bisexuals to be monogamous?

Lay off, when you where his age you manufactured the hormones and other juices to manage hundreds of partners your first month as well. He's got solid experience now - at least 100 sex partners after the first month.:tongue:

[Steve]

What do you guys think is this true that bisexuals can't do monogamy and that their attractions will shift ?

Simple and sweet: Making sweeping statements about a groups(s) of people shows poor logic. The assertion that bisexuals can't be monogamous is ridiculous. If you want a monogamous relationship badly enough you can have one. It's a lot of work, but its worth it. Well, its worth it to me anyway.

Attentions, emotional and sexual, shift like hobbies through passing years. People don't stay the same forever, they change. The trick is figuring out how to let your relationship change with you. Communication is key. So is compromise.
.
.
.

[Virge]

Lay off, when you where his age you manufactured the hormones and other juices to manage hundreds of partners your first month as well. He's got solid experience now - at least 100 sex partners after the first month.:tongue:

mmmmmm.... Good point Bowyn. But I am his age and still producing the hormones and juices that keep me feeling like a bear with a dozen testicles.

Simple and sweet: Making sweeping statements about a groups(s) of people shows poor logic. The assertion that bisexuals can't be monogamous is ridiculous. If you want a monogamous relationship badly enough you can have one. It's a lot of work, but its worth it. Well, its worth it to me anyway.

Attentions, emotional and sexual, shift like hobbies through passing years. People don't stay the same forever, they change. The trick is figuring out how to let your relationship change with you. Communication is key. So is compromise.
]

On the skin deep level I would be considered bisexual because I'm equally physically attracted to men and women. That doesn't take into account the more important issue that has nothing to do with the physical -- that I have no desire to form lasting relationships with women. That trumps the physical attraction hands down. For me the lasting relationship means more to me than being able to indulge in the whole range of my sexual attractions which would endanger and undermine what means more to me.

I identify more with gay men but even more specifically with gay men in monogamous relationships or are working towards them. From knowing men and women who label themselves as bisexual I'm tempted to think most of them are not really bisexual but just transitioning from heterosexuality to homosexuality.

Then there are some who label themselves as bisexuals who -- for a variety of underlying reasons -- settle for sex with whoever they can get it with.

I read a lot of literature about bisexualism back in my teens years thinking I would fit into that label. Back then there was little actual research into bisexuals. That's changing. From another predominantly hetero forum I'm in I found a recent article and some interesting statistics about how TRUE bisexuals feel about monogamy. I say true bisexuals because the study group was intentionally limited to people above 34 in order to cull out many of the younger people going through transitions from heterosexuality to homosexuality by labeling themselves as bisexual.

The bottom line numbers show that bisexuals place a lower value on monogamy than straights, gays and even those people in transitions... "questioning" their sexual identities.

Here's the graph.



With those figures I'm pushed even further from identifying myself as bisexual because my inner need for a pair-bond or deep honest relationship is probably closer to heterosexuals.

[Cuddly]

I don't think being monogamous has anything to do with sexual preferences.
I do believe that your (bi)sexuality can shift, just like my desires shift, slightly. I'm not changing from being attracted to bears to being into twinks, but I am changing positions (hence me identifying as vers!) etc.

I do think monogamy is a choice, somewhat, but I also believe that you're hardwired to being less or more attracted to the idea of having sex with lots of different people... Ugh.. am I making myself clear here?..

I perceive the world through my own eyes, as does everybody, and it comes naturally to assume that everybody else feels exactly the same as you do, about everything. Experience teaches us that this simply isn't true and shows us time and time again that some have yet to learn this very important and infinitely valuable lesson.