The Worst/Stupidest Lie That I have Ever Caught

[dynamodean]

That...seems very dramatic. Are you sure those guys are straight? Sounds almost like a lover's quarrel to me.

[Bowyn Aerrow]

Hmm. This is just a huge complicated mess. Isn't it. Its been going for far to long Jay, and you are getting hurt here.

This is one of those 'accept the things I cannot change' sort of situations - you cannot change them, and you need to decide for yourself when you have had a stomach full of all of this 'drama'.

If it was me I would tire of the drama and find other things to do - I would distance myself from these two and make new friends.

Not completely cut them out of my life, but when I start stressing on their stuff, I would go find something else to do, find other playmates to play with.

It seems to be that both of them have problems, but neither of them are doing anything to break out of those problems.

It may be that your continued 'support' and interaction with them is enabling them to continue down these roads. There is a fine line between support and enabling.

Jay I know you are a good person. I recall that when I first signed up here you were helping a homeless guy clear on the other side of the world from you. I also remember how heart broken you were by the ugly situation that came down at your job. I also recall that you take Christmas seriously for everyone else at work and try to make it the best and brightest for all. I also recall that in each of those situations people just didn't fulfill the natural obligation and turned this stuff around and hurt you with it.

I think you have enough life experience to know that no good deed goes unpunished - because each of those acts of kindness ended up in the end getting you hurt.

There is sufficient evidence to me that you are easy to be used by people. I'm afraid that people often see kindness as weakness and they just keep on using the kindness until there is nothing left to give.

I'm not saying you should stop being a good, decent human being. I'm saying you need to figure out where to draw the line and at what point you will say 'enough'. Lord knows that ain't the easiest thing to do.... I struggle with that line drawing thing myself. But I can report back with a few experiences that Tough Love (saying no to help) does actually work in many cases to help those where allowing them to use you as a doormat doesn't.


A little tough love is definitely needed in this situation. You need to tell the fat guy to stop lying and either do the routine and stick to the diet or stop lying to himself about his routine and diet. You also need to tell him that you will not be party to his lies and if anyone asks you what is going on with him in that that you are going to tell them the truth.

You need to tell the straight guy that if he is straight he can no longer lean on you and use you as a lover. All of this touching and dating stuff just has to stop so you can find a man who is gay and will be in a real relationship with you and he can find the woman of dreams and do the straight thing.

Yes they will both get angry, and they will be confused when you stomp your foot down - no one understands when the 'nice guy' stops being nice and gets all serious and starts saying no. So repeating the statement a few times is usually needed before it sinks in.

It won't be easy, and yes feelings all around will be hurt. But Jay this situation just isn't getting better, no one is actually being helped by things going on like they have been.

[East]

Hi Jay! I am not sure if I have it right BUT...

I think that maybe both are gay or somewhere close to gay on the Kinsey Scale and maybe they don't know it or admit it.

The guy who is starting the fires...you need to cut him out of your life or change gyms if you have to. You have seen who he is...don't forget it. He won't stop....and he is not your friend.

You have done so well on your journey and you treat your body with respect. You need to treat your emotions with equal respect and don't allow that guy to play those games with you.

The problem..you are a very decent and kind man and you will attract those kind of guys...they look for people like you to feed on...don't let them.

[Jay]

First of all, I made several posts in this thread but they only appeared few hours after I have submitted them. So my posts jumble up.

Second of all, I have reread my whole posts. Lots of English mistakes. I wrote everything at around 4am in the morning. My apology.

That...seems very dramatic. Are you sure those guys are straight? Sounds almost like a lover's quarrel to me.

Yes, very dramatic thus why it messes up my head for almost two years now.

I don't know if they are straight or not.

Mr. T has told me several times that he is indeed a straight guy.

Our gym has another two openly gay guys, Mario and his partner. Mario likes me. His other partner likes Mr. T.

Mario's partner likes to talk to Mr. T a lot. Once, he slapped Mr. T's butt. Strangely Mr. T didn't flinch.

Mario's partner does not go to the gym often. He comes maybe once in a few weeks.

One day Mario's partner came to the gym without Mario. I didn't come to the gym on that day. So this story was told by Mr. T to me.

Well the two of them had conversation. They laughed and all.

Then Mario's partner winks at him and Mr. T returns his wink.

Mario's partner then pinched Mr T's butt and said, "...Nice..."

Mr. T said he was shocked when Mario's partner pinches his butt. But he didn't say anything to the guy.

Before Mario's partner leaves the gym, he asked Mr. T if he wants to have a dinner with him.

Mr. T declined the invitation.

For your knowledge, Mario doesn't like Mr. T. Mario thinks Mr. T is a dick. He told me that.

I was really confused when Mr. T informed me with the 'wink' and 'pinching' story. I asked him why in the world did he wink back.

"I thought it was just for fun." Mr. T said.

"He gave you a wink. You returned his wink. He pinched your butt and you did nothing? You basically gave him a sign that you are interested in him too." I explained to Mr. T.

"How the hell should I know all these! I'm new to this whole 'adult' thing. I'm straight." Mr. T replied. He's 22 years old.

I sighed.

Bowyn and East, I will reply back to yours shortly. I have to go out for a while.

But thank you for replying back. I appreciate it very much.

[Jay]

Hmm. This is just a huge complicated mess. Isn't it. Its been going for far to long Jay, and you are getting hurt here.

This is one of those 'accept the things I cannot change' sort of situations - you cannot change them, and you need to decide for yourself when you have had a stomach full of all of this 'drama'.

If it was me I would tire of the drama and find other things to do - I would distance myself from these two and make new friends.

Not completely cut them out of my life, but when I start stressing on their stuff, I would go find something else to do, find other playmates to play with.

It seems to be that both of them have problems, but neither of them are doing anything to break out of those problems.

It may be that your continued 'support' and interaction with them is enabling them to continue down these roads. There is a fine line between support and enabling.

Jay I know you are a good person. I recall that when I first signed up here you were helping a homeless guy clear on the other side of the world from you. I also remember how heart broken you were by the ugly situation that came down at your job. I also recall that you take Christmas seriously for everyone else at work and try to make it the best and brightest for all. I also recall that in each of those situations people just didn't fulfill the natural obligation and turned this stuff around and hurt you with it.

I think you have enough life experience to know that no good deed goes unpunished - because each of those acts of kindness ended up in the end getting you hurt.

There is sufficient evidence to me that you are easy to be used by people. I'm afraid that people often see kindness as weakness and they just keep on using the kindness until there is nothing left to give.

I'm not saying you should stop being a good, decent human being. I'm saying you need to figure out where to draw the line and at what point you will say 'enough'. Lord knows that ain't the easiest thing to do.... I struggle with that line drawing thing myself. But I can report back with a few experiences that Tough Love (saying no to help) does actually work in many cases to help those where allowing them to use you as a doormat doesn't.


A little tough love is definitely needed in this situation. You need to tell the fat guy to stop lying and either do the routine and stick to the diet or stop lying to himself about his routine and diet. You also need to tell him that you will not be party to his lies and if anyone asks you what is going on with him in that that you are going to tell them the truth.

You need to tell the straight guy that if he is straight he can no longer lean on you and use you as a lover. All of this touching and dating stuff just has to stop so you can find a man who is gay and will be in a real relationship with you and he can find the woman of dreams and do the straight thing.

Yes they will both get angry, and they will be confused when you stomp your foot down - no one understands when the 'nice guy' stops being nice and gets all serious and starts saying no. So repeating the statement a few times is usually needed before it sinks in.

It won't be easy, and yes feelings all around will be hurt. But Jay this situation just isn't getting better, no one is actually being helped by things going on like they have been.

Hi Jay! I am not sure if I have it right BUT...

I think that maybe both are gay or somewhere close to gay on the Kinsey Scale and maybe they don't know it or admit it.

The guy who is starting the fires...you need to cut him out of your life or change gyms if you have to. You have seen who he is...don't forget it. He won't stop....and he is not your friend.

You have done so well on your journey and you treat your body with respect. You need to treat your emotions with equal respect and don't allow that guy to play those games with you.

The problem..you are a very decent and kind man and you will attract those kind of guys...they look for people like you to feed on...don't let them.

Bowyn and East, thanks for your constructive feedback. I appreciate them very much.

Bowyn, I didn't expect anyone in GS to remember all those things - the homeless guy and other stuff. That was a pleasant surprise. It means a lot to me. Thank you. And East, I still have the Get Well card that you mailed me when I was in the hospital. Thank you for that as well.

Yes, I'm aware that I'm naive. Almost everyone who knows me has told me so. Naive, not in a sense of being ignorant. But too kind or too innocent therefore easily being exploited.

But I thought I have improved so much via experience. I guess I'm wrong as I continue to be used by people around me.

One of the reasons why I decided to join a gym is because I wanted to get out of my cocoon. I had a different life when I was morbid obese. I didn't have a single friend after I lost my weight. I made a few when I worked in the real estate company. But they were colleagues. I was thirst for 'real' friends as in friends that I can hang out with etc.

So I thought by joining a gym, I can learn to socialize and break out from my past.

When I met Mr. T, I thought that I have finally met that one special friend. A best friend that I can rely on. I was so happy and proud to finally have a friend. I was happy to tell my parents that I finally have a friend to watch a movie with.

Hence why I invested so much into my friendship with him. I sacrificed a lot. So when I got hurt, it really hurts. Silly me.

As Bowyn said, it's tiring. I am exhausted with this relationship that I have with him. It's a pointless relationship. So that's why I've stopped seeing Mr. T for almost 2 months now.

Both of us still go to the same gym but in different time schedule. I come few hours earlier to do my workout before he reaches the gym.

East pretty much reads my mind. I do have a plan to leave the gym in another month or two. This gym carries too many memories - good and bitter stuff. Leaving the gym is the only way I can really move forward and forget all of them.

Although it is a pity as I have to leave my other gym friends as well as Terry.

I probably will tell Terry this whole story in the future. After I leave the gym.

In the meantime, I'm just going to continue to stay away from Mr. T. I know he wants to rekindle our relationship but I question the sincerity. Maybe he's sincere or maybe not. All I know is that a relationship is built upon trust and I don't really trust him anymore.

It will be tough to leave this whole thing. I'm already able to move on but Mr. T suddenly keeps pushing himself in. He sent me a text message at 2.45am this morning. He invites me to see him do dentistry (practical) in his university.

He ends his text message with, "Seriously please come."

I haven't replied yet.

I'm thinking of saying, "I'm sorry but I cannot make it."

I think that's the best thing to do.

He'll probably protest but I will explain him why.

Anyway Bowyn and East, I honestly appreciate your thoughts and advice. They mean a lot to me. I really wish that I could give you two a hug. Thank you very much.

I'll get better. I promise. Thanks again.