Your Best and Your Worst

[InbetweenDreams]

I hear what you are saying. Being trusting and not trusting enough are just opposite ends of the spectrum. We have to guard ourselves but being vulnerable to a point is also good. Life s full of risks and sometimes you just have to take a chance on love even if it doesn't pan out.

Are you saying you are just horny and want to have sex with someone...is that why you feel you need it? I've had sex with both guys and girls but always with people I knew and trusted. The danger can be that sex can mean nothing to one person while leading the other person to develop feelings because they place value on the intimacy. Does that make sense? It's a complicated thing.

Thanks for the kind words.

No I actually don't want to just have sex with someone... I really hate the idea of hookups... I don't really know what I need, I think I need companionship, friends, people to talk to more than I need sex...although yeah I'm just as horny as they come but I'm very much one who places value on intimacy and not so much the other... I mean 5 years ago I probably would have had a totally different perspective and actually though sex on the 2nd date was normal because that's what happened all the time so I took it as the norm...and sex meaning anything sexual. I have seldom have had actual sex...and kind of nervous about it... but what the hell can I do.

I hate living in this area but I fear that even in a city I would likely find more of the same. I met someone oh over a year ago and basically rocked my world I guess... Long story short I'm about as good of a pilot as I am at trying to date and chase after someone who aren't interested...but at least did make a good friend and while it is pretty certain friends is where things will remain...it is kind of a tough pill to swallow but I guess I must. I do often feel like well that was it, there went your shot. Yeah I have heard about the whole fish in the sea but I really don't know... So yeah makes me sad a lot and I guess I'll eventually get over it all and maybe I'll get lucky again and meet someone who makes me feel the way I did... I just hope I don't have to wait forever...Feel like I've waited long enough as it is and I certainly ain't getting better looking everyday. But I need to focus more energy on myself but having a companion to hang with and play around with...with the right understanding of things would be nice, but that's proving to be very very difficult too, so I don't know...this world just isn't for me... Anyway, that's enough.