Is it normal that I'm attracted to middle-age guys when I'm 20?

[Steve]

"Nobody realizes that some people expend tremendous energy merely to be normal."
..........................................................................~Albert Camus

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This is one of those lovely, simple little quotes that I read years ago and it stuck to me like white on rice. Sometimes when I look back and think about the time and energy I've spent trying to at least appear normal I feel sick with the waste of it. Then I'll fart and the smell reminds me I'm normal enough, that I think too much, and that boiled dinner has its share of disadvantage.

Significant age gaps between couples are fairly common. Charlize Theron is 38 while Sean Penn is 53. Bradley Cooper is 39 and Suki Waterhouse is 22. Michael Douglas is 69 and Catherine Zeta-Jones is 44. Hell, Elton has 15 years on David. Its valid to have concerns regarding how you think the age of your partner will affect you both as you get older, but you also have to remember that no one can predict the future. You can plan for your future all you like, but nothing's set in stone. Be thoughtful of what lay ahead, but live in the moment.

Probably at some point each person in a relationship is going to spend a hot minute pondering the age gap difference. In the end I suspect what matters most is how well the relationship works. If you talk to each other, really listen to each other, are honest and willing to compromise when necessary, I think the question of age becomes less important and more an issue of compatibility.

I've met two men who have slept with their biological fathers, more than one set of brothers who have done the deed, and I'll admit to being a kissing cousin, so a ten or fifteen year age difference between partners doesn't seem very intimidating to me. Yes it is sort of the vice versa of the older woman/younger man paradigm. Some people just prefer men of a certain age, there's no shame in it. As long as you're legal age and you and your partner both consent, I wouldn't sweat the details. Live and let live.

[Edward]

There is nothing normal when it comes to attraction and feelings to another human being. You're completely fine.

[Cuddly]

I've been pondering why I am attracted to older, hairier and bulkier guys. My dad was semi-absent, as I was growing up, I was always tthe little guy in school, cartoons I liked happened to have an older broadshouldered character. Like King Triton of The Little Mermaid.

Either way, it's out of our control! But quite common, if not normal.

[Rareboy]

When I was 20, I was just attracted to men. Period. I found guys in their 40's and 50's as sexy and exciting as guys in their 20's. I liked their experience and calmer, cooler way of dealing with shit.

In the end I have a partner who is 7 years older than I am....but my parents and grandparents were both 10 years apart in age.

Let your flag fly baby.

[spilovn]

I felt the same way when i was 20.

Its telling that you say you want to be the "girl" in the relationship, thats because thats more easily defined in relationship between a younger and older man, if you met another 20yo you might both be jostling for that position if its not clear and it wont have that dynamic of the adorer and adored.

Now im 31 though ive discovered i think ive been wrong, i want somebody similiar to my age who grew up with the same things as me and can grow old together and i know men can be men at 25 or 30, im just saying think about it.

[ShiftyNJ]

My dude is 9 years younger, in some ways more mature, in other ways not.

It might be a good idea to ALSO pursue a FRIENDSHIP/MENTORSHIP with an older guy (maybe a relative?) whom you are NOT attracted to, which may help fill the absent-father gap you mention without sexual/romantic complications.

[Bluelight]

What is "normal" anyway...

[reaper]

It's not strange at all. You're attracted to who you're attracted to. I wouldn't over think it.

I just turned 40 and will be hooking up with a guy who's 22. Obviously he knew I was much older than him, but he hadn't asked my age and I didn't mention it. Last week he finally did.

I said how old do you think I am. He guessed 35.

I said, ok we'll go with that. Then of course I told him and it didn't matter at all.

[LJay]

I should be so 40!

[ShiftyNJ]

It's not strange at all. You're attracted to who you're attracted to. I wouldn't over think it.

I just turned 40 and will be hooking up with a guy who's 22. Obviously he knew I was much older than him, but he hadn't asked my age and I didn't mention it. Last week he finally did.

I said how old do you think I am. He guessed 35.

I said, ok we'll go with that. Then of course I told him and it didn't matter at all.

It helps to look like you, but the point is the same.