Recently I met a man who gives me lots of attention but the thing is that I donât like him physically. I donât mean to say that heâs ugly because heâs not but I just donât find him attractive. I like completely different type of men. He doesnât know I think that, of course. I feel quite bad about this because he seems to be totally enamored with me, when I speak, he listens as if the wasnât anything else in the world and all the time he tries to do everything so that I would feel satisfied and comfortable. I spent some nights at his place. We didnât have sex, he wanted to but when I said no, he accepted and didnât insist and we just chilled together. Every morning he had made breakfast for me and always made sure Iâm warm before falling asleep. Iâve never felt such care before. He told me he likes me a lot and that he would like to be my boyfriend. I didnât say yes or no, I said I needed to think about it but I know heâs waiting for an answer.
I donât know what should I do about it or should I do anything about it. Maybe his inner values and the care he gives me are the only things that should matter. I canât tell him I donât find him cute, that would be cruel. I donât want to hurt or offend him as heâs so good with me. I donât know why but looks are important to me. For example, I wonât be able to enjoy sex with him if I donât like him, right? I donât know what to do, I guess I not good at being a grown-up.
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Just tell him that you want to keep him in the friend zone and that you don't want to ruin it by fucking around.
There were guys that I loved like brothers, but physically they weren't a connection. It doesn't mean that you're a bad person....we all have our types.
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The we should just stay friends thing seems like the best way to go here. Try to say it in the kindest way of course, and he'll have to be good with it.
Physical attraction is important. If you're not attracted to him it's hard to see how it could work out.
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I say go ahead, rip his heart out, jump up and down on it and while you are it laugh with maniacal glee as you do so.
He clearly needs to be crushed hard and good to kill out that compassionate nice fellow and to get him old, jaded and filled with hatred so he won't make the mistake of falling in love again.
Do him that favor, because if you are representative of about 90% of the faggots that walk on this earth, that means super shallow, super into the wrong things when it comes to people.
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"I went along with it for abit, just to see if ai'd develop feelings beyond strictly platonic friendly ones, but I'm afraid nothing has." This makes it clear you gave it a shot, but it just didn't happen.
Lex
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feeling attracted to him or not is very important. if you just don't feel it, then it's not there. you can't be attracted to every guy on the planet. for me personally, looks of course matter, but i've also felt attracted to guys that have not been my type looks-wise. but there was still a clear physical attraction in those cases, based on the chemistry and intense physical connection between us.
you are not wrong not to find his looks appealing. everybody has their taste and preference. but you shouldn't lead him on. from what you describe he has no idea you are not interested in him that way, and you have had plenty opportunities to let him know where you stand. so, stop stringing him along.
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'It is only shallow people who do not judge by appearances.' (Oscar Wilde)
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From my perspective, the other person's looks are either #1 or #1A in importance. That does not mean that they have to be a god / goddess.
What it means is that they have to be attractive to me. Although it has happened several times, I can not imagine waking up next to someone that I find unattractive.
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The sooner you let him know that you just want to remain friends, the easier it will be for him to get over.
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Looks are important and you do need to be physically attracted to him for a relationship to work correctly. There are more important things to consider than just appearances but it's the easiest one to judge first and the one that we most use to rule out future partners.
Now, the best thing to do would be tell him how you feel and that you want to continue to being just friends. The process of becoming friends can led to deeper feelings towards each other and a deeper attraction sometimes.
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