Introverts ?!.

[LJay]

Please keep after this topic guys. I am the world's worst at making friends. My interests are not pop culture based, so talking about the latest sports event, or video game, or TV show or movie is not really much of an option. I also have trouble getting my self into social situations that are casual. Any advice welcomed.

Well-meant correction: the word is not segway, which is a commercial transport product, it is segue, pronounced the same way. Segue is principally a musical term but is also used as in posts above. See why I have trouble making friends? I'm too damned fussy at times.

[RickieVz]

lol I understood when Segway was mention above.. How you doing ? I'm the same. Not really interest in pop culture, for that matter Sports or games. Give me Sci-Fi channel, PBS, A&E and I'm good for the entire month.

Please keep after this topic guys. I am the world's worst at making friends. My interests are not pop culture based, so talking about the latest sports event, or video game, or TV show or movie is not really much of an option. I also have trouble getting my self into social situations that are casual. Any advice welcomed.

Well-meant correction: the word is not segway, which is a commercial transport product, it is segue, pronounced the same way. Segue is principally a musical term but is also used as in posts above. See why I have trouble making friends? I'm too damned fussy at times.

[ShiftyNJ]

IDK I think if you rolled into a group of strangers like this, you would definitely be noticed!

[ShiftyNJ]

lol I understood when Segway was mention above.. How you doing ? I'm the same. Not really interest in pop culture, for that matter Sports or games. Give me Sci-Fi channel, PBS, A&E and I'm good for the entire month.

I really struggled with this while trying to make gay friends in my 20s... things you're "supposed to" care about (pop music, fashion, celebrity gossip) I know nothing about and can't really get excited about, and while I don't dislike sports I also don't follow them closely enough to have a conversation.

I was really glad to find out there is a world outside the bar scene populated by geeks, gearheads and granolas who actually had diverse interests. Then I found out there are straight-identified guys who are secure enough to have dude-oriented friends, and things got a lot better.

[RickieVz]

lol.. I think I would. Funny,... at work I'm a different person, guess because of my work environment and then need to be social and talk to people. When it comes to friends, thats another story also before all I talk about at work is work, something that truly interest me..

IDK I think if you rolled into a group of strangers like this, you would definitely be noticed!

[ShiftyNJ]

lol.. I think I would. Funny,... at work I'm a different person, guess because of my work environment and then need to be social and talk to people. When it comes to friends, thats another story also before all I talk about at work is work, something that truly interest me..

Is there a trade association or volunteer group where you could interact with others in your field beyond your co-workers? Maybe if you have some co-workers who would go to a meeting or event with you, the first time would not feel so awkward.

[RickieVz]

In my 20's, I didn't have a problem, yes I was quiet but I was able to make friends and go out. Over the years that has change. Guess in my late 20's that when my introversion really started coming out and I was become who I am today.

Most people I know today watch drag tv show on bravo tv, that doesn't call my attention.
Now, if theres something about Space, Planets, World News then I'll be dead center and able to speak on it.

I really struggled with this while trying to make gay friends in my 20s... things you're "supposed to" care about (pop music, fashion, celebrity gossip) I know nothing about and can't really get excited about, and while I don't dislike sports I also don't follow them closely enough to have a conversation.

I was really glad to find out there is a world outside the bar scene populated by geeks, gearheads and granolas who actually had diverse interests. Then I found out there are straight-identified guys who are secure enough to have dude-oriented friends, and things got a lot better.

[ShiftyNJ]

In my 20's, I didn't have a problem, yes I was quiet but I was able to make friends and go out. Over the years that has change. Guess in my late 20's that when my introversion really started coming out and I was become who I am today.

Most people I know today watch drag tv show on bravo tv, that doesn't call my attention.
Now, if theres something about Space, Planets, World News then I'll be dead center and able to speak on it.

I also think that opportunities to make friends diminish as guys get older, full stop. Hetero-types get married and their circle tends to become the spouses of their wife's friends, co-workers, and maybe someone they meet through the kids' school or sports team. The bars are really youth-centric (and now getting invaded by young heteros) so I see how it can be tough, especially if you are also an introvert by nature.

[Bowyn Aerrow]

I am an introvert, psychologist and psychiatrist approved.... or is that certified?

Today we have the internet to meet my social needs in a form and manner that I can sit down and talk to people in only a towel and its totally appropriate! I also get to pick and choose those conversations that I like and can add too.

I can also take my time to think about what it is I want to say, and how I say it without the pressure of having to come up with an immediate answer. The internet allows me to approach multiple groups of converses and actually get a chance to absorb each individuals thoughts instead of missing out 50% of the context because everyone is talking at the same time.

So I love my computer because all my friends live inside of it.

Downside... I have a few jars that require a bit more strength to open than I can muster at this time.... If I starve to death its because I have all of these jarred foods and no friends to open them for me.



(Note: This is not my larder, mine is alphabetized, color coded and much tidier. I don't have a social life, so I organize my larder.... often.)

The main problem I have with interpersonal relationships with the human species in general is today society has blurred the lines and mismatched the words friend and acquaintance.

Reality is if I apply the real definitions, all of my friends are now deceased, and all I have are acquaintances left. How do I know? I have jars of food that still need opening... Amongst other issues where I honestly do need help but my "friends" are just too busy.

Every real-life friend (Not internet pals) I met in real life situations - NOT clubs and Bars and opium dens and pool halls. Most were through social things like parties, weddings, funerals, church. Others were through group activities, I used to be part of real-life meeting type situations, like the hiking club where individuals who loved to hike would meet for group outings because hiking alone leads is pretty risky.

That last may be a helpful tip if you have an activity you like that has face to face meeting type groups of individuals who share your interests.

One of the problems introverts face is the social/extroverted society we live in. We are punished by society if we dare to prefer to stay at home. We are told that we have to have 1000+ Facebook friends or we are worthless as a human being. If we dare say 'I'm perfectly fine to be alone, I'm not lonely' we are deemed insane because how can anyone dare to be alone and not feel lonely?

So this 'problem' may not be a problem with you, but with society that is telling you you have a problem when in reality you do not have a problem.

When I was in a relationship with a social butterfly, I compromised and agreed to attend social crap occasionally and stay there and suffer the unruly mob scene. But the caveat to that was that I would only do that 3 times a month, and there was no roll over to the next month to unused minutes (Thanks Verizon for teaching me how to organize my social life!).

Perhaps you just need to figure out your limit of social interaction and strive to meet X number of social engagements per month in order to expose yourself to more people....?

[Lexington]

I'm what you might call a "functional introvert". Despite being shy, and greatly enjoying my own company, I realized that if I didn't want to spend every single day in solitude, I would have to learn how to interact with other people. And so I have. I've learned how to start conversations, and handle small talk, and grow and strengthen friendships and relationships. It's still not something I LOVE doing, but that just puts it on the same level as laundry - something I have to do if I want the end result.

Lex