To hell with that! Beat-Feet Buddie! He wants to have his cake and eat it too and that just doesn't fly!
Have enough self respect to realize that you deserve better!
~Beaux
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Wow.... What a good partner you are, I don’t think that he is not into a serious relationship. You said you give everything in love for him but receive nothing or you did, but not what you are expecting for. You definitely should find someone who’s going to treat you as equally as you treat him. You’ll get fed up one day and ask yourself “Why am I putting up with this? You need to decide if he is the kind of person you want to be with in the long run. Finding the right guy or partner is not an easy task. It can be disheartening to feel like you have found a potential partner, but you are not getting the attention you need. The last thing you want to do is settle with him, fix everything or feel like your boyfriend is not just really for you, as simple as that....
Each person in a relationships deserves to be loved and treated with respect. A relationship should be balanced, with both people giving and receiving. When you find yourself doing a lot of nice things for him, such as his laundry and cooking him food, giving him what he always requested even you dont want it, make sure you are getting some perks in return. But if it’s not.... man.... It's time to end up the relationship if you are not getting your needs met because he is not really for you. Why settle down with that kind of a guy if you are doing everything for him? I know that some of us sayin that if you love someone and give something don’t expect in return. But that kind of guy? Wooooooo... I don’t think soo... Come on... You deserved to be loved by someone who deserve your love and appreciate your value.
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Jesus.
Why not just get 'welcome' tattooed on your back and lay down in front of the door so that he can wipe his feet on you when he comes into his house.
You are being used and I suspect that he feels that you are using him.
Time for you to look for someone more compatible for you...someone who sees you as an equal partner in the relationship...probably someone who is at the same stage in life so that the two of you could build something together.
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It sounds like he's using you. I can't really see how you are benefiting from this relationship at all; no sex, no commitment, you're paying for something he can snatch away from you whenever he chooses...
Time to move on I say!
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Thanks to all of you for your comments. Yeah....this relationship shoud as bad as I have put it on here but actually he does good things for me. I have 2 kids of my own. He lets me have them every other week. Yeah....sounds like someone that loved you should do bit I take it as a plus. He washes my clothes. He cooks dinner every night (I hate eating dinner...I'm cuban. So dinner is just a light meal...I've gained 25# because of this shit) he waits for me to come home even until 8 pm to eat dinner because of my work and last xmas hey......he bought xmas presents for my kids (no more than $10 it nice start Though) he is monogamous to me. I trust him. I am monogamous to him even thought we have sex every 1.5 mouths in average ...we won't buy a house. We won't get married as it allowed in our state (CalIfornia) and he is not willing to help me to emigrate permanently to this country that I love ( I am legal just for everybody information ) but there is something that makes me stay with him.....maybe I am in a stage of life where u jist learn from your experiences. He is 20 years older than me....who should adapt to who?.....that is the big question here
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I don't know what you are looking for then.
It sounds as though the two of you have developed a co-dependent relationship that isn't satisfactory for either of you but both of you are comfortable with. You are lazy so he does the housework. You're grateful because he 'Lets' you have your own kids every other week and buys them cheap gifts.
Not a life I'd choose for myself or recommend for any man...but until you see how unequal and emotionally unbalanced this whole relationship is.....I guess you're both stuck with one another.
Why not ask him if he'd have any issue with you going out and fucking other guys?
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Thanks for your responses. Well i agree Being rareboy except in The part when he calls me lazy. I work more than him but I am the younger one. Yes. It is a codependent relationship. A simbiosis. Eventually one of us will he tired or not. Yes, in California if we get married I get immigration benefits. That's not even a subject in our lives anymore. He won't do it. I won't ask. Many of my friends hace became permanent US residents because their partners married him. I'll find my own way to ge that resolved. On the sexual side....we hage sex every 1.5 months in average. He won't do anything to fix it. I had to adapt to it. What I do? I just jack off in the shower. I have been monogamous to him for 2.5 years. I have proposed an open relationship which, in the past I was TOTALLY exkeptical about them until I had the need to have one. I proposed it since I didn't see any desire to fix the lack of sex. He is not a believer of that. He is big on monogamy with the painful lack of sex. Even writing this I think WTF. I guess I have love for him....I'm grateful and loyal and that makes it even harder to leave him. If he would put more interest in fixing the sexual part. More interest in commitment in our relationship putting his fears behind and trusting me and finally .....realizing that when you truly love the right one....realize that .....True Love is putting someone's else needs before yours
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[MENTION=21086]Zurdoknoc[/MENTION]. I've been reading this thread since you started it and waiting to comment.
1. I have noticed many times in here hen guys write about their unhappy relationship on page one on page two they tell more that makes the relationship sound less bad. You did that.
2. My man is a psychologist and totally disapproves of giving advice on relationships in this way because except in extreme circumstances all advice given is based on just one half of the story. I learned that from him in our own relationship 2 years ago when he and I began talking about things I felt he was doing wrong to me -- like not committing to be a real couple. He wanted to continue dating other men. In my eyes that was wrong of him. I ended the relationship. He came to see me for the first time "just to talk." He explained things from his side. He was afraid to commit to a relationship with me because I was then 22 and just starting college, inexperienced with men and relationships, very impulsive and... I spent too much. We also lived 8200 miles apart and saw no way to ever live together. I travelled 4 times a year to see him -- for 4 years, He explained he loved me more than anyone ever but he didn't know how things could ever work out for us.... Everything changed when he looked at me for the first time like he was scared and asked me to help him figure out how to make it work for us. Right them at that moment all the hurt I had felt for him was gone. We stayed up for 3 days and nights, sleeping in our clothes when we couldn't stay awake longer. In those three days we wrote down everything to do to try to help us BOTH see how to make it work. Before he left and went back home we were a team. We stopped being "me" and "him" working to achieve different things, and expecting different things from each other. Everything we did was focused on helping us find ways to make a relationship work with so many many many things against us. We had no idea where we would live (near my home or his -- 25 hours apart by jets) We just began becoming better people and better friends to each other because we were a TEAM working for what was best for this thing called "us" not the best for "me" and not for "him." Once that happened the doors flew open for total trust with each other -- and that made the teamship even stronger.
.................... more things I've learned...........(everyone in here is bored with me repeating them.) hahahaha!
3. Expectations. When you begin to expect others to act as you want them to even in a relationship you are going to be hurt at least 75% of the time. Why? because your expectations of someone were not met!!! The solution is to expect very little or nothing. That way you are always surprised and appreciative and seldom disappointed. That is hard to start doing, it was for me. But now expecting nothing makes every tiny thing he does for me like a huge surprise wonderful gift. This important because all people enjoy making other happy by freely "giving" of themselves. No one likes the feeling of being expected to do what others think they should do. You don't seem to like being expected to pay so much for the house and bills. He probably doesn't like some or most of the things you expect of him.
4. How having no expectations pays off. By not expecting you make it easy to please you. the easier you are to please the more the person giving feels motivated to please you more. Over time it transforms into two people being more concerned about pleasing each other than they are concerned about being pleased in return. I can't tell you how he feels about it but he goes to extremes to please me because he enjoys the feeling it gives him. The same goes for me. I think days, weeks and month ahead about things i can do just to please him by freely giving from myself and never expecting anything back (but that seldom happens anymore!!!)
5. Being able to talk about everything, anything and nothing and enjoying it because you're talking to the person you know you can trust and rely on to be more protective of your weaknesses and fears than you are. Think about it. Shouldn't the man you are in a relationship be the first person you can talk to about everything. Shouldn't he be the one who should know every fear and weakness you have in order to be strong abut them? Shouldn't you also be all those things to that man? That takes time, willingness and trust to build up. The good thing about starting it is once it's started it cannot be stopped. It will become a race to see who can reveal the most about themselves. The upside is YOU can stop worrying about your fears because your partner will become more understanding and protective of you because he knows them. To others it will look like jealousy but you will not feel that way. You will feel protected and watched over..... and it's the best damned feeling in the world.
6. Laughing and having fun. That doesn't mean going out to eat or sitting in front of a television at the same time. It means being able to enjoy every damned thing you do together no matter how dumb or small. My last time at his house we say in our underwear in the floor from midmorning to late night sorting out his collection of seashells -- then wrapping them to be packed and shipped. We laughed and had fun the entire time. We even do nothing together -- and I mean nothing. Just lay together with no music or TV dozing some, thinking, talking a little, just touching the whole time. All I have to say sometimes is 'do you wanna help me brush the cats?" and he'll leave a TV show he's watching and get excited about brushing damned cats.
7. Sex. Once you get 3-4-5-6 going sex should become great and often. 3-4-5-6 are the basic elements of deep attractions. The more you become closer and on the same team the more you will both desire sex....and want to please each other more and more and more and more.
8. ( I say this all the time) Rather than look for a man to spend the rest of your life with,
become the man you want to spend the rest of your life with.
Once you've become the man you want to spend your life with.
There will be a line of people around the corner waiting to help you do it.
The only person on earth you can really change is you.
I'm done preaching. I've got 13 days before my man gets off a plane for the last time in his life for a few years, moving into this house I am practicing calling "ours" instead of "mine." When he gets off the plane and we get in the car exhausted from the 24+ hour trip I'll show my care by handing him and ambien and a double shot of cognac so that he can crawl right in bed and wake up on the 27th whenever he wants to smiling, rested and ready for all the unpacking and other crap it takes to really make a home together. I've already told my business partner (StingRay) he's handling all my email and business for a while so I can deal with the important stuff. We've put nine years into this, come through hell and nearly killed each other a few times to get to this point. He's giving up his life in a big city for me and I'm I'm going to do everything in my power to make sure he never regrets it.
Good luck and I hope I helped.
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Thanks for your reply. Was really nice and clear. I have to say this : u guys never lived together. Fixing problems that wag makes it way easier. However I have to give the big price to your partner for moving in with you. My Partner and I have had many many conversations, arguments and confrontations about out issues. He is just different. He doesn't want to talk about our problems and even find a solution. He doesn't want to share commitment or even think about it. He wants to retire. Enjoy his life and be happy. Where am I on that equation? anywhere. Button line no matter how many conversations we have had, always the same conclusion : me myself and I (I am taking about him) I love him. He is the one I wants but not the one I got. The age difference doesn't help. His goals have been reached. I am working on mine. There is no middle point. This is a tough call Since feelings and practicallity are involved. Not sure what way to go
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