No. Is a Complete Sentence

[NerdMonastery]

Someone once told me that people won't respect your "yes" if you don't know when and how to say "no".

[BrianNorth]

Don't feel alone Brian, I also hold most people in my life away from my personal space. There are a few old friends who I am closer with who are more expressive physically than I am, but I have come to deal with their friendly hugs over the years. I have also made exceptions when I find a person non threatening, quite personable, and very interesting. But when it comes to most people I have only just met, or strangers, my personal space is not to be invaded. I'm not even subtle about it anymore. If someone attempts to hug me, or pat my back or arm I step away before the contact can be made. I am not rude, unless someone is rude to me; I do have manners. But my personal space is sacred and over the years I have learned that people have to earn my trust before I allow them near my person.

Once again, great post and great vlog Brian. Well done.

Thanks as always for the kind words Steve . I tried hard to not make more emotive people feel bad, perhaps just read body language. The friend I used to have that was mentioned in the video would violently jab you and then go MEOWWWWW. Usually killing all conversation in the room lmao. It was even worse as he'd type 'poke mowr' on Skype or MSN all the time and one day I made the mistake of pointing out he spells 'meow' closer to 'mower' so he'd poke people and scream MOWER.

[Lhan28]

This is my problem sometimes I feel guilty when I say NO. But now I understand, I have to learn to say no without feeling guilty. Like what my friend told me, Setting boundaries is healthy before you need to learn to respect and take care of yourself.

It’s always hard to say “NO” specially to someone. Why? It makes us feel selfish, guilty, embarrassed even we don’t want to upset people. We don’t want them to think badly of us. Sometimes it’s simply easier to say “yes,” than to deal with our angst or other people’s reactions.

Oh well... now I understand. From now on I start sayin NO. Thanks BrianNorth for explaining well... Thumbs up to you...

[Steve]

This is my problem sometimes I feel guilty when I say NO. But now I understand, I have to learn to say no without feeling guilty. Like what my friend told me, Setting boundaries is healthy before you need to learn to respect and take care of yourself.

It’s always hard to say “NO” specially to someone. Why? It makes us feel selfish, guilty, embarrassed even we don’t want to upset people. We don’t want them to think badly of us. Sometimes it’s simply easier to say “yes,” than to deal with our angst or other people’s reactions.

Oh well... now I understand. From now on I start sayin NO. Thanks BrianNorth for explaining well... Thumbs up to you...

Yes, you've described the situation perfectly Lhan28. We often feel selfish, guilty and embarrassed, afraid to upset other people, afraid of how standing firm and saying "No" will make us appear to the other person, or persons watching us interact. I think most often the trick of it is how we say no. You have to tailor your response differently each time you stand upon your wishes, each time you make it clear where your boundaries lie.

Most importantly, I think we need to stop being self conscious, feeling guilty, or feeling embarrassed. How other people perceive us in such a situation is not necessarily the our concern. While it is good to be mindful of the feelings of other people, it is also important that we be able to make our own voices be heard, or own wishes expressed and our own needs be respected.

Thanks Lhan28. That post was spot on. It turns out that one voice can make a difference Brian. Good job.

[Lhan28]

Honestly when I watched the video of BriaNorth I can’t get over it. I admit that I had a terrible time saying “no” to the people that I cared about specially to my past relationship. My heart would pound, palms sweat and stomach churn every time I wanted to say “no” to my loved one’s request. I would think up endless explanations as to why I had to tell them “no” but the excuses never sounded good enough for me , plus they often were phony and that didn’t feel good either. As I internally struggled to find a way to say “no” and make it OK I would start to resent the person who was asking me to do something I really didn’t want to do. I also started to resent myself more and more for being so weak. Sometimes I would try to say “no” but then I was afraid I was going to hurt somebody’s feelings and they wouldn’t like me anymore and I would worry that this meant I wasn’t a good person. In the end I almost always would give in and say “yes” to whatever was being requested.

But now I realize while trying to talk to myself infront of the mirror, I know it sounds crazy but hey it helps. I realized all these times of not saying “no” (when I should) were not helping me at all. I was spending a lot of time and energy for other people and not spending nearly as much time for myself. It was frustrating especially since I brought it upon myself. I slowly realized if I wanted personal time, I needed to learn to say “no”.

[BrianNorth]

Honestly when I watched the video of BriaNorth I can’t get over it. I admit that I had a terrible time saying “no” to the people that I cared about specially to my past relationship. My heart would pound, palms sweat and stomach churn every time I wanted to say “no” to my loved one’s request. I would think up endless explanations as to why I had to tell them “no” but the excuses never sounded good enough for me , plus they often were phony and that didn’t feel good either. As I internally struggled to find a way to say “no” and make it OK I would start to resent the person who was asking me to do something I really didn’t want to do. I also started to resent myself more and more for being so weak. Sometimes I would try to say “no” but then I was afraid I was going to hurt somebody’s feelings and they wouldn’t like me anymore and I would worry that this meant I wasn’t a good person. In the end I almost always would give in and say “yes” to whatever was being requested.

But now I realize while trying to talk to myself infront of the mirror, I know it sounds crazy but hey it helps. I realized all these times of not saying “no” (when I should) were not helping me at all. I was spending a lot of time and energy for other people and not spending nearly as much time for myself. It was frustrating especially since I brought it upon myself. I slowly realized if I wanted personal time, I needed to learn to say “no”.

So glad to hear it helped! Saying no can be difficult. Very difficult. Most of the time saying it once will make a lot of things fall into place. If people think your complacent they'll take advantage until you tell them off. This can be emotionally, physically, financially/whatever.