“Whats wrong”

[Lhan28]

Have you ever been or experienced a relationship that you are not sure if that person really loves you and askin you what’s wrong?

It's hard to answer the question "what's wrong" when nothing is right. I'm tired of trying, sick of crying, I know I've been smiling, but inside I'm dying. Maybe one day it will be ok again. That's all I want. I don't care what it takes. I just want to be ok again. I guess there comes a point where you just have to stop trying because it hurts too much to hold on anymore.

Outside lives a man with a smile that will brighten up the room, yet inside hides a man with a frown full of despair. Outside lives a man with eyes of joy that brings you to ease, yet inside hides a man shedding tears of sadness. Outside lives a man with a beautiful laugh that's contagious, yet inside hides a man screaming his lungs out in unwanted anger. Outside lives a man with the personality everyone envies, yet inside hides a man full of insecurities and shame. Outside lives a man who is fearless and tough, yet inside hides a weak man who lives in fear. Outside lives a man full of life, yet inside hides a man full of pain, wanting to die. Outside lives a man with goals and aspiration. Yet inside lives a man lost in confusion.

What you see in the outside is my personal disguise, What hides underneath you cant even begin to imagine. I thought I was strong enough but I was wrong. I have been into a relationship for almost 3 years. I have loved him as much as he loves me. However, Im done prettending to be okay, thats why I told him that we need a space. He cried and begged for forgiveness and never do it again whatever he did. But I told him I just need a space and think of everything that happened. It was so easy for him to accept everything. Honestly I’ve heard a lot of stories about him. Some of our friends sayin the he is just cheattin on me. I never listen to them, until I was the one who found out that he really cheatted on me. He had sex with one of my closes friend and a band member at the same time. My friend admitted that he have sex with my boyfriend but my boyfriend denied it. That friend of mine is a bisexual. Its been like a month and half now that we didnt see each other nor talked to each other. Until last 2 days ago I saw him with my bi friend at the mall. I prettend that I didnt see them until my bi friend followed me and sayin sorry. But my ex-boyfriend is wasnt with him anymore. I told him its ok and I understand and then I asked him where is your boyfriend? And he told me he left as soon as he saw me. I smiled at him and told him that “tell your boyfriend he doesnt need to be afraid of me because Im ok with it”. Then I left my friend at the mall and went home with teary eyes. When I got home my ex-boyfriend called me and asking forgiveness again. He wants us to get back and he promised that he will not do it again and leave my friend alone. I just need to forgive him and give him a chance. However, when the time that we are together and confronted him about the rumors/stories I heard about him from our friends he always denies it. He always asked me with the question “whats wrong, why am I always listen to our friends? Don’t I trust him? Do I really love him? If I really love him why do I need to listen those kinds of stories? Those are the questions the he always ask me.

I just want to ask or seek for an advice, do I need to give him a chance? Do I need to forgive him? Because honestly Im confused, my heart says forgive him and accept him again but my brain says that dont because he’ll do it again. I admit that I still love him but I dont know Im confused...

Thanks everyone in advance...

[palbert]

Apparently you have given him chances enough before. I think you know that the time for chances is over. In time you will forget the hurt.

[Lhan28]

Thanks palbert, i guess i have to stop. You are right I already gave him a lot chances.

[Rareboy]

My advice?

Move on. Find someone better. There are lots of others out there.

[araya]

f*ck the idea of giving him another chance
dump him, find someone else

[BrianNorth]

Past behaviour predicts future behaviour. While it's possible he may change you'd essentially be signing up to be cheated on again. I'd say just move in. You've come this far just keep going. Get em out of your life.

[East]

I think you should move on...but take some valuable insight with you.....

Let me explain....

Many years ago I had to come to terms with my reaction to men cheating on me and before I decided to deal with it...it wasn't pretty....

I gave it ALOT of thought and I had a complete transformation on the subject.

Just sex? I don't much care. I might even like it if you tell me about it...

I did leave this epiphany with one VERY SPECIFIC rule...

DO NOT LIE TO ME!

I sense things rather easily and accurately so it is impossible for me to be in a relationship with someone who lies to me. I won't do that to myself. If you are gonna pull a train with the football team...uh...I would rather you didn't BUT if you are honest with me about it....I can deal with it.

The lie is the problem.

It is a comfort to know who you are....you get a bit of serenity from taking the time to do so.

Good Luck!

[Hardheaded1]

Friends don't cheat on friends.

It doesn't matter if we're talking about infidelity, or petty theft, or lying. What East said is at the core.

And, to answer your question, yes, you do need to forgive him, but you don't need to take him back. Those two things are different

You need to forgive him for many reasons. A few are below:

We all need forgiving. Recognizing that makes you more human. Doing it makes you more mature.

You need to forgive because you still love him. If you don't forgive him, that love will turn to hate. It doesn't have to. The choice is yours.

Forgiving him is your first step to your new life. It will sever the cords of bitterness that otherwise might keep you tethered to the failed relationship.


Now, look in the mirror, remind yourself that people love you, and that you deserve to be loved fully, not in the half-assed, lazy, and selfish manner that he did.

The heart will heal. Don't ask it to do it too fast.

[East]

^^^^YES^^^^

Forgiveness is a very important part of the process and it is really for you more than for him.

If you can forgive..it will be an important part of who you are and an indicator of who you will become...and it is all good....

Jason gave some excellent reasons why you should forgive...I agree with him wholeheartedly

[Lhan28]

Thank you guys, I completely understand. Maybe it was my first time to have a relationship with a guy, thats why its hard for me. I have been in a relationship with few girls before but its just take like 7 months, until 1 year only. Why? Its because they are always telling me that they need to go far away, like working abroad. Each one of them promised me that they will comminucate with me once they get there. However, no one of them keep their promised. So when I met this guy he showed me a lot of things, he promised that he will never did what my past relationship with girls did to me. At first he is soo loving and caring that even after his work he always visit me on the bar where Im working with. He makes me laugh and love him soo much in everything he does. But then after a 2 years and half something happened. I start to wonder why after my work and ready to go home he always say that he need to buy something from the convenient store and tells me to go home and he’ll catch up with me sometimes.

I always wait for like 2 or 3 hours for him to get home but nothing. Sometimes i fell asleep waitting for him. When I get up in the morning, still he wasnt there. He is just going to call me and say sorry because he spend his time and sleep in his sisters house. So I always tell him that its ok I understand. I never showed him any anger or a jealous because I dont want him to get mad and tell me that I dont.trust him. Until some of our friends and even his bestfriend told me that he just cheatting on me. They told me that he is always with my bi friend together. Soo I confronted my bi friend, at first he told me that its just one time because my boyfriend invited him for dinner and my boyfriend was asking for help. So at that point I never did anything, I just ignore everything that my friends told me and even his bestfriend. Until one day my boyfriend called me and he told me that he is not comming home. I ask him why, and he told me that he was mad at me because of what I did. He was telling me why I need to confront my friend about him. Whats wrong? Dont you trust me? Those are the question. I told him I do its that I just heard some rumors or stories about you. He told me that why do I need to listen to them. Then I told him ok I will never listen to what everybodys sayin. Until my bi friends always askin me if Im ok I told him I am. I dont know but he just talk and talk and explaining everything, asking for forgiveness and etc. Then he admitted that he was with my boyfriend for like a year now in one roof. That happened just recently when he talked me. I guess that was last august... Then all of a suddenly it happens. Well it happens, like what they say relatioship now a days is just like a game. When its over its game over. I forgive him but I guess I cant give him what he wants like he wants us to be together again.