Emotional abuse?

[Ucfknightsfl]

Hi there, this is my first post here... I was hoping to get a little advice and find out if maybe I'm just crazy. LoL. Quick back story, I met this guy, he was a hook up but we really hit it off. We started talking and hanging out a lot more but he lives in another city, about three hours away and we both didn't want to rush and put a title on anything. A few months in I expressed that I thought more of him than a hook up and I wanted to spend some quality time with him, not necessarily date, just hang out and get to know one another and see where it goes. He said he didn't feel the same, and I accepted that and thought I could continue as friend with benefits. Of course, this didn't work. My feeling for him grew and I became more and more frustrated. Eventually I told him we couldn't be friend because it wasn't working for me and we stopped speaking. Months go by and for some strange reason I decided to reach out to him. We reconnected and everything was good, but then he started to be an ass to me. He would say really mean things to me, call me names, tell me he never loved me then laugh in my face, or for example, we went to the club together and he tried to go home with someone else and made out of them in front of me... But each time I would be pissed and stop talking to him, but then he always came back with a smile and a joke and I couldn't resist being with him... Now he's done it again, he said some really really hurtful things to me and then just text me outta of the blue as if nothing is wrong and we are best friends and had the nerve to be angry that "I'm ignoring him." I suppose I gave him the liberty to think he could treat me like shit because I always stuck around when he did, but I'm fed up. I'm the one who ends up crying while he laughs and makes jokes about my feelings. As I write this, I know my friends are correct and I should stop talking to him, but I'm scared to let him go because then, I'll be alone... I've never had feelings for anyone the way I do about him and I'm scared that I never will, so I hold onto him. I took my friends advice and continued to not respond to him but I'll admit I cried a little because I'm scared he will never want to talk to me again. In light of our past, maybe that's best, but right now it feels like the world is ending. Has anyone else experienced this and have any advice how to go forward?

[Rareboy]

As I write this, I know my friends are correct and I should stop talking to him, but I'm scared to let him go because then, I'll be alone...

Snap out of it.

You won't be alone. You'll be free.

The guy sounds like an abusive sociopath. There is definitely something mentally amiss from your description.

Run away as fast and far as you can and start looking for a real boyfriend instead of a partner in an abusive co-dependent relationship.

[palbert]

.... I took my friends advice and continued to not respond to him but I'll admit I cried a little because I'm scared he will never want to talk to me again. In light of our past, maybe that's best, but right now it feels like the world is ending. Has anyone else experienced this and have any advice how to go forward?

Keep him as far away from you as you can. You are being codependent in an abusive relationship -- break it off now.

Anything you can do with him you can do without him: expand your circles of friends.

[araya]

the idea of hanging around with people that clearly didn't want you is never a good one in the first place then added with this worse idea of wanting to be friends with benefit.
I mean come on, why would people always do things that'll hurt themselves? hoping/waiting for something that never exist, liking straight, or even coping up with their abusive spouse, WAKE UP!
there are better people out there who will love you, who will want you as much as you want them!
I never have any crushes since I'm in high school because I know, if I focusing on that person but I don't have to courage to ask them to date me, it'll only wear me out, it'll only hurt me more.
I don't like to be hurt from a pseudo-relationship, from something that never exist! why whould I keep dreaming about someone when I can really date someone instead of keep dreaming and continue to hurt myself even further.
he's not the only man in this world you can date
see the world, meet people, be happy with the one you love and loves you back

[meridannight]

okay, while the advice to stay away from him is rational and makes sense, i also see the other side of the story. it is perfectly fine not wanting to lose his friendship. but you gotta make some changes to make it work. you have got to get control of your feelings for him and not let them get in the way with things. if he's put off by them either try not to reveal them to him that much, or do not let him get away with mocking them or treating you worse for having these feelings for him. that means you probably gotta talk to him.

next time he pulls a stunt like that just confront him directly and ask him what his problem is. ask him for the explanation for the apparent incongruity in his attitude. if he finds your feelings so offensive, why does he keep coming back to you then? make it clear to him that you command respect on this. there's nothing wrong with having feelings for him. and you gotta ask him if he can accept that, and be at peace with that.

i've done something similar in my life, and it worked out just fine. you can be friends with the guy, but you gotta confront him directly if you have a problem, and not just let it slide when he does something that is hurtful and unfair to you.

[EvenOlderButWiser]

Hes abusing you, and by continuing to connect with him you are effectively giving him your approval to continue treating you the way he is. He sounds like the type of guy that if it wasn't you he's abusing, it would be someone else.

Abusive relationships are difficult to break free from for a whole range of reasons, regardless of whether its physical or emotional abuse, but the fact that you've come on here and your first post is on this subject means you know its wrong and you know what you have to do.

Your 28 and you still have most of your life ahead of you, so any notion that you'll be "alone" is a load of bollocks. There really are plenty of other fish in the sea.

From an old fish.

[bluerealm]

He said he didn't feel the same.

this means if you come running back i can treat you like crap.


so he abuses you but smiles and everything is ok.

girl ....you need to recognize.

[bluerealm]

he must be good in bed

[bluerealm]

no more posting for me

[CellarDweller]

You won't be alone. You'll be free..

Rareboy is right. You'll be away from the abuser, and free to find the one who will respect you.