what will you do in such a situation?

[Lhan28]

Ive experienced that before, I always feel nervous, shy and have the tendencies of hand trembling, body shaking, speaking softly on a date. I've been also on some dates where I beging to feel like a shrink. Some told me that talking to other people often may help. The thing is, I talk to people all the time. Unfortunately, when it comes to a date. If the person I'm dating is really cute, I will become extremely shy. If you consider that weird, then I guess I am. But some people don't have the patience for a person to open up. Maybe they are but they find a bit annoying.

I can still remember the surprise I felt when I stopped panicking on a date long enough to realize that, if you have the right personality, it can be somewhat rewarding and a great relief to notice the signs of social discomfort in your date, too... shaking hands, blushing, a look of panic when you make eye contact (maybe this is what he feels), difficulty talking, nervous laughter, sweating palms, an obvious effort not to say or do the wrong thing and look silly in front of you.

From that date on, I've tried to stop worrying about impressing and entertaining my dates, the poor dears have enough to worry about as it is, they aren't going to notice the great discomfort I was going through to make a good impression. There was a date or two where I let my nerves get the better of me, but I've always felt like I've gotten my best results by going on a date to enjoy myself first, and just make a minimal effort to include my date in the fun. That might seem strange and counter-intuitive, and I still don't completely understand why it works, but I'm not going to argue with it or complain about it much, since it makes things so much easier for me and my date both.

[Darius]

I think the response from other is likely to be varied. Some will avoid you like the plague, especially if they are outgoing. Some others might see you as a challenge and curious to see what makes you the way you are. Others might find you endearing and be attracted to you knowing that you are likely just being nervous.

Don't expect everyone to like you and try to stop thinking so much about yourself. Your focus should be on the other person. Show an interest in them, then you will being (slowly) to be comfortable with them showing an interest in you.

How are you with people in general..people you are not dating?

[Virge]

I would have put aside whether I was interested in him or not in order to understand his behavior. The way I see it is that anyone that nervous needs a friend, someone to talk to --- more than anything else. I would have tried to establish some trust so he could talk about what was making him so nervous and in talking about it, maybe move past it....

...and maybe then, consider trying to be more than friends but maybe not.

[TwisttheLeaf]

dear members,

i am giving a situation below. i would like to hear about your views about what would you do in that situation.

suppose you are meeting up a guy for the first time in a restaurant for a date.

before meeting up, you and him have been texting each other for about 2 weeks. he seems to be friendly.

when in the restaurant, you notice that he does the following things:
- his body tend to shake once in a while
- he speaks so softly and quiver that you have to keep asking him to repeat himself
- he keeps hunching his back
- he keeps smiling awkwardly for no reason at certain times
- he cannot look at you in the eye for too long when listening or speaking to you and his eyes keep darting to other places or his plate and glass
- you can notice his hands are trembling when holding his fork and spoon
- you can sense fear and quiver in his voice when he is telling his order to the waiter

1) what will you do in this situation?

I would do my best to ensure he feels reassured. Clearly, he's uncomfortable. Perhaps very socially awkward. I'd try to put him at ease, including with body language and probably step up my 'top space' to hopefully make him feel more secure with me there.

2) will you leave the restaurant halfway because the guy is behaving like a jerk?

I wouldn't consider the behavior that you describe as "behaving like a jerk". He's obviously scared and making an effort. I definitely would not just walk away half way through the date. Not only would that be extremely rude, but very hurtful to someone I suspect to be very sensitive.

3) will you be thinking why you even bothered to meet him in the first place?

Not at all. I'm not turned off by shy people. Clearly, meeting me was important enough to him to brave his own fears and anxieties to come and go on a date with me. I would consider that a plus.

4) will you feel embarrassed and ashamed to be seen with him in the restaurant by others?

No. I would feel protective, and probably a bit proud that the date felt I was worth braving those fears and anxieties to come out with me.

suppose he sends you a message after the date saying that he enjoyed the date and wanted to meet up again

5) will you want to meet him up again?

Absolutely

6) will you consider such a guy for a relationship or as a boyfriend?

If I was single? Absolutely. Although because I am very 'neutral' in my day to day life with only occasionally more dominant moments? I would worry that I may not be dominant enough on a full-time basis to give the person the security they need.

7) will you assume that guy is awkward and lacking self-confidence and will that be a turn off for you?

I would probably assume the guy is awkward and lacking self confidence. It is something that I very likely would talk with him about at some point. BUT, I would not consider those qualities a turn off.

i know the politically right answer is yes i will meet him up.
but i really want to hear your honest replies of what you will really do in such a situation.

lastly,
8) should the guy give up hope of being in a relationship because he has so much flaws?

Absolutely not. I don't consider shyness and social awkwardness as a necessarily bad thing. Eventually, I'm guessing that over time, the guy would become more comfortable with me and find security in my presence rather than fear and insecurity. I'd feel the same way about this whether we were talking about dating, or friendships.

[Wardo94]

To be honest, only a stuck up, egotistical, jerk would let something like that stray them away from someone. If I was in the situation, I would lightly bring it up, and reassure them that there's nothing to be nervous about. Obviously there is, but you know, just make him feel comfortable. I went on a date with him for a reason, so I wouldn't let something like his nervous quirks stop me from getting to know him more. Now it all depends how the whole date goes and how willing he is to open up. If he's very closed off and doesn't really give off any sort of signal, I would just assume he's not interested and kinda' just back off.