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Gay people also want to be parents
#11
Darius Wrote:Adam, you are in New York, it must be easier to be gay parents there, isn't it?

I want children some day, I think, but not for awhile.

That's why I moved here recently. Attitude to us is much more tolerant, but it is still not so easy as I wish it would be
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#12
Borg69 Wrote:Get a Cat....
a cat and a child cannot be compared, I think.
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#13
Radbot42 Wrote:I definitely want children. I want two. I haven't asked them yet but I would love for one of my friends to carry my child.
Good idea! Unfortunately, I don't have such a friend
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#14
Adam Wrote:Hello everyone. I'm Adam. I live with my partner for 6 years already. We consider ourselves like a family, But each normal family must have children. I know, that it's impossible for us to carry and bear a child, but I still think that there is some way out for us

This was the red flag for me.

People want children for various reasons... most of them (generally) well intentioned.

If you only want children to appear like a "normal" family, you should reevaluate your motives.
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#15
Borg69 Wrote:This was the red flag for me.

People want children for various reasons... most of them (generally) well intentioned.

If you only want children to appear like a "normal" family, you should reevaluate your motives.

Same boat. There is a drive to raise children and then there is keeping up with the Jones'. Make sure its because you have a capacity for love and patience.
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#16
if i ended up with a kid i'd probably end up killing him/her unless they were over 20. then i could probably tolerate them. doubt i'll find anybody over 20 to adopt though..... lols.
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#17
Adam Wrote:Hello everyone. I'm Adam. I live with my partner for 6 years already. We consider ourselves like a family, But each normal family must have children. I know, that it's impossible for us to carry and bear a child, but I still think that there is some way out for us

Being a parent is a lot of work and a lifetime commitment to your children, if you and your partner have the will, the financial and you believe that you're ready to take care of another life (not a dog, not a cat or a bird, but a human being) there are possibilities indeed. You can go for adoption or for artificial insemination (given that you have a girl ready to carry your children.)

Quote:But each normal family must have children
So you consider yourself and your partner a family? How? Do you already have a child under your care? Do you have animals (yeah I know some people do see their animal as children and well they are part of a family) however, we're not talking animal here, we're talking about a gay couple with no children of their own, this to me means "COUPLE" not a family. Unless you and your partner lives with a parent, a nephew, a cousin or someone that you actually take care of, then perhaps you can be define as a family, but if it's just you , your partner and your pet(s) you are a couple with pets. Let's not mix things up.

So you guys have been 6 years together, great, my congratulation, however, before going for the irreversible adventure of having children, how solid do you consider your couple to be? There are stories of successful gay couples with children (not to toot my own horn, but my husband and I are one of those examples), but this wasn't easy for any of us; me, my partner and the children. Because I already had children and my partner came after them when my daughter was 10 years old and my son was 5 years old there was quite a lot of adjustments to be made.

Your life as a couple will definitely take a different turn. You won't be able to walk around naked as you please, you won't be able to have sex in every room of your house (assuming you did LOL) and you will have to deal with people's judgment on a daily basis. Are you and your partner are ready for that?

A gay couple isn't a "normal" couple. When your kids reach a certain age, for them it will be just normal to have gay parents until they start school and get teased by other kids who have "normal" parents - and trust me it will happen. Are you ready to deal with the fact that your children will come one day and cry his/her heart out because some kids have been nasty because he/she has gay parents. Are you ready to deal with the fact that your kids' friend may be told not to come to your home because their parents believe that you and your partner are a bad example to their kids?

I am talking from experience Adam, I have 5 children, 19, 15, 4, 3, 2 years old respectively and with all of them I have had different reaction from different people. My two older children 19 and 15 had to deal with my separation with their mothers and my transition to a gay life with my husband, my children aged 4 and 3 are both adopted children, one is from China and the other from Haiti and trust me on that, the adoption procedure had to involve a horde of lawyers because both countries are extremely homophobic when it pertains to adoption by gay people and neither my husband and I wanted to involve a girl just to please them so we fought our right to adopt. Want the best of this whole adventure? My husband and I aren't the poorest couple, in fact, we are quite wealthy, but this did not remove the fact that both governments of China and Haiti refused to let us adopt a parentless children on the first try. When the adoption agency found out that we were a gay couple (well, we did mention it straight from the start) they immediately refused us on the ground that we were not a traditional family, even though I proved to them that I had already two children of my own. Then they kept on asking why I wanted to adopt if I had two children already. So they would prefer to cut the chance of a child to be adopted by a loving family who could provide for them because the two applicants were gay.

My last children was a gift for my husband, and well a bit for me too because he's super cute and I wanted to see what kind of a child he could get so the third children aged two, she's the result of artificial insemination for which a friend of mine accepted to be the mother. However, unlike many couples who go for this option, we did not want the mother to revoke her right to her child, therefore, she is the official mother and the sperm we used was my husband's because I already had two biological children, we arranged with her to have right of visit and everything a mother is allowed to her child, we asked for shared custody and my friend have stayed with us during her pregnancy. Officially, however, I am not the father, my husband is, but I am an official uncle and first guardian to the child, this means if anything happens to her original parents, Jasmine (that's her name) will stay with me. No grand-parents, aunts or uncle before me.

This is of course a special situation and well, I have the financial for such arrangement, but you and your partner, are you ready? Why do you want children? Is it just to be seen as a normal family? Have you thought it through? The last thing this planet need is another screwed up children.
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#18
Borg69 Wrote:This was the red flag for me.

People want children for various reasons... most of them (generally) well intentioned.

If you only want children to appear like a "normal" family, you should reevaluate your motives.
we don't want to look like a normal family, we want to be a normal family! And a wish to be a parent is a norm for every human. And me and my partner are no exception. We want just to know how it feels to bring up a child. And I think we deserve it.
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#19
meridannight Wrote:if i ended up with a kid i'd probably end up killing him/her unless they were over 20. then i could probably tolerate them. doubt i'll find anybody over 20 to adopt though..... lols.
Not everybody is ready for it. If you are not ready - then ou shouldn't have kids. I'm absolutely ready
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#20
Jake Wrote:Being a parent is a lot of work and a lifetime commitment to your children, if you and your partner have the will, the financial and you believe that you're ready to take care of another life (not a dog, not a cat or a bird, but a human being) there are possibilities indeed. You can go for adoption or for artificial insemination (given that you have a girl ready to carry your children.)

So you consider yourself and your partner a family? How? Do you already have a child under your care? Do you have animals (yeah I know some people do see their animal as children and well they are part of a family) however, we're not talking animal here, we're talking about a gay couple with no children of their own, this to me means "COUPLE" not a family. Unless you and your partner lives with a parent, a nephew, a cousin or someone that you actually take care of, then perhaps you can be define as a family, but if it's just you , your partner and your pet(s) you are a couple with pets. Let's not mix things up.

So you guys have been 6 years together, great, my congratulation, however, before going for the irreversible adventure of having children, how solid do you consider your couple to be? There are stories of successful gay couples with children (not to toot my own horn, but my husband and I are one of those examples), but this wasn't easy for any of us; me, my partner and the children. Because I already had children and my partner came after them when my daughter was 10 years old and my son was 5 years old there was quite a lot of adjustments to be made.

Your life as a couple will definitely take a different turn. You won't be able to walk around naked as you please, you won't be able to have sex in every room of your house (assuming you did LOL) and you will have to deal with people's judgment on a daily basis. Are you and your partner are ready for that?

A gay couple isn't a "normal" couple. When your kids reach a certain age, for them it will be just normal to have gay parents until they start school and get teased by other kids who have "normal" parents - and trust me it will happen. Are you ready to deal with the fact that your children will come one day and cry his/her heart out because some kids have been nasty because he/she has gay parents. Are you ready to deal with the fact that your kids' friend may be told not to come to your home because their parents believe that you and your partner are a bad example to their kids?

I am talking from experience Adam, I have 5 children, 19, 15, 4, 3, 2 years old respectively and with all of them I have had different reaction from different people. My two older children 19 and 15 had to deal with my separation with their mothers and my transition to a gay life with my husband, my children aged 4 and 3 are both adopted children, one is from China and the other from Haiti and trust me on that, the adoption procedure had to involve a horde of lawyers because both countries are extremely homophobic when it pertains to adoption by gay people and neither my husband and I wanted to involve a girl just to please them so we fought our right to adopt. Want the best of this whole adventure? My husband and I aren't the poorest couple, in fact, we are quite wealthy, but this did not remove the fact that both governments of China and Haiti refused to let us adopt a parentless children on the first try. When the adoption agency found out that we were a gay couple (well, we did mention it straight from the start) they immediately refused us on the ground that we were not a traditional family, even though I proved to them that I had already two children of my own. Then they kept on asking why I wanted to adopt if I had two children already. So they would prefer to cut the chance of a child to be adopted by a loving family who could provide for them because the two applicants were gay.

My last children was a gift for my husband, and well a bit for me too because he's super cute and I wanted to see what kind of a child he could get so the third children aged two, she's the result of artificial insemination for which a friend of mine accepted to be the mother. However, unlike many couples who go for this option, we did not want the mother to revoke her right to her child, therefore, she is the official mother and the sperm we used was my husband's because I already had two biological children, we arranged with her to have right of visit and everything a mother is allowed to her child, we asked for shared custody and my friend have stayed with us during her pregnancy. Officially, however, I am not the father, my husband is, but I am an official uncle and first guardian to the child, this means if anything happens to her original parents, Jasmine (that's her name) will stay with me. No grand-parents, aunts or uncle before me.

This is of course a special situation and well, I have the financial for such arrangement, but you and your partner, are you ready? Why do you want children? Is it just to be seen as a normal family? Have you thought it through? The last thing this planet need is another screwed up children.

Thank you very much for your story. 5 children - it's really awersome! When I said about normal family, I didn't mean that I want to have children for society to consider us normal. I just want to have a reason to live, a sense of life. My life is good, but incomplete without kids. I'm really ready. Morally, financially......I did not decide it yesterday, I have already thought about pros and cons of parenting. I know, that it is very serious and a child is not a toy. I know what I'm doing. Thanks once again
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