Looking for Monogamy

[unisus]

I'm 28 now; looking for monogamy. I feel like I can't concentrate, because I refuse to sleep around and every day I long to hold someone and love someone, and be loved both mind body spirit forever. The loneliness drags me down a lot, and it takes all my strength to keep going. I'm handsome, but not a super-model; a lot of people have taken advantage of me and thrown me away for other people, and all it's done is eroded my boundaries and health in so many ways to see such a godless side of life. The worst part is that I'm undiagnosed with Asperger's, and the depression from all the promiscuity and betrayal atop the autistic abuse makes it difficult to keep my spirits up and find a job. Sometimes I think I should just end my life; I'm a poet, and very passionate about life. This deprivation, emotional torture, and frustration should never exist. I do love life, but I'm beginning to wonder if this is the wrong life for me.

[ceez]

I wish I could offer some words of encouragement but I'm not doing any better myself. hopefully it will help a little knowing someone else feels the same.

[Lexington]

It's pretty easy to find somebody with whom you could have a five-minute conversation.
It's a bit tougher finding somebody you could enjoy for an hour or so.
Finding somebody you could room with (in close quarters) for a few nights would be even harder.
....you want somebody you can be with forever.

So finding "the one" is a bit like shooting the moon in a game of hearts. The payoff is amazing, but the odds are heavily stacked against you. That doesn't mean you SHOULDN'T go for it, but it's worth remembering.

What can you do? Just keep that in mind. If you reach out to somebody and it doesn't pan out, don't think of the problem being with you. If two jigsaw puzzle pieces don't fit, they're not broken - they just don't belong together. Do your best to stay social and stay upbeat. That puts more people within your view, and increases your odds.

Lex

[Hardheaded1]

What does "undiagnosed Asberger's" mean? How can you know if you haven't gotten a diagnosis?

I'll let others offer counsel, as I've never found the man you're looking for either, but I'll wager your real problem has more to do with your self-diagnosis statement.

[unisus]

I'm actually very spectacular at shooting the moon! Lol!

I can be with anyone so long as we click and are both committed, physically compatible. I love to share and grow. But I trust my intuition.

As for self-diagnosing, there's no doubt in my mind; I studied psychology and human-nature for years to understand myself and others. Finally I learned why it took so long to ride a bike, why Im a prodigy, mild-tourettes, severe OCD, social problems. Life took way more work for me; but I'm not going to keep panning this.

[unisus]

I wish I could offer some words of encouragement but I'm not doing any better myself. hopefully it will help a little knowing someone else feels the same.

Thanks man! It does help a lot! I join you in spirit

[Bowyn Aerrow]

Hmmm. I test into the Aspergers range myself. But at my age I figure why bother with getting a real diagnosis when I have already banged out a workable solution to the issues of Aspergers and managed rather well.... um, well managed to survive... through it.

Loneliness, depression, etc well these are serious enough issues, and there are options other than suicide to 'treat' these conditions.

Yes I get there is a singular lack of energy to get help... So I doubt you are terribly able to go out and get help by going to the 'free clinic' in your area or county/city hospital.

30 December 1994 I made a serious attempt on my own life. So serious that they had to resuscitate me twice. Had it not been for the meddlesome EMT and doctors of the ER things would be far less complicated for me right now.

The only upside to having killed myself is having a serious suicide attempt makes it far easier for me to get into institutions and get into 'free' mental health programs. If I had the energy I could go to the ER room right now and tell them I plan on killing myself 30 Demember 2014 to undo the horror of being forced to live for these two extra decades, and I would be swiftly and promptly moved in and given all the attention I could hope for.

The thing with this Asperger's being undiagnosed is that without diagnosis you cannot receive the help you most likely can get. The thing with depression and suicidal thoughts is that if no one knows, no one can help.

No one outside of you can fix you. Sorry, love isn't going to fix you, it will be at best a slapped on patch that will boost your confidence for the short term, but eventually blow and then you will have serious relationship problems on top of everything else.

I strongly suggest, urge you to take these psychological issues to the local county or city hospital staff. Tell them you have thoughts of suicide and start getting real help for that now before this gets out of hand.

1-800-273-8255 is the suicide hotline. Calling them may open doors for you.

[BrianNorth]

Much agree ^^ with the post above me RE mental health.


I've always found the starcrossed lovers mentality slightly dangerous. There are many beautiful people out there that you could have a super fulfilling, healthy and magical relationship with. You just gotta take it slow. When you start talking with someone try and avoid building castles in the sky of the way things could be with this person as chances are the castle will crash and burn as we all have things we'd be compatible with or not.

[Virge]

Buddy, I want to give you advice but I don't think what I want to say is what you want to hear right now.
Sometimes words hurt when they are heard because they dig in and hit a nerve. I think mine would and this might be the wrong time for them.

For right now you need to seek help about suicidal thoughts and Bowyn covered that with his comment.

Now you've trusted us enough to tell this much, don't just fade away and leave us worrying. Most if not all of us care. Most of have experiences that make it easy for us to relate to you. You aren't alone.
Remember that.

Find the will today to turn to someone for help. And keep us posted. Once you get over this first big issue you'll find out we might be able to help you with the others.

Virge

[Borg69]

I'm 28 now; looking for monogamy. I feel like I can't concentrate, because I refuse to sleep around and every day I long to hold someone and love someone, and be loved both mind body spirit forever. The loneliness drags me down a lot, and it takes all my strength to keep going. I'm handsome, but not a super-model; a lot of people have taken advantage of me and thrown me away for other people, and all it's done is eroded my boundaries and health in so many ways to see such a godless side of life. The worst part is that I'm undiagnosed with Asperger's, and the depression from all the promiscuity and betrayal atop the autistic abuse makes it difficult to keep my spirits up and find a job. Sometimes I think I should just end my life; I'm a poet, and very passionate about life. This deprivation, emotional torture, and frustration should never exist. I do love life, but I'm beginning to wonder if this is the wrong life for me.

You shouldn't be looking for someone else to complete you and validate your existence. You should be doing that from within. It really is an unfair burden to place on someone else to have to keep shoring up your mental instabilities to make you feel whole and complete.