Met a guy, but he is strictly a bottom.

[Virge]

I think it will all depend on your chemistry....

I had a few guys over the years insist they were tops and even when they had their legs in the trying to get me to mount them they were still talking about being a top....uh..OK..whatever it is you need to say is fine with me....

So...my advice is to relax...leave the rules at the door... and see where it leads you. Don't do anything you don't want to do...just go with the flow and maybe you will surprise yourself....

Also...don't feel bad if you don't feel a connection and want to leave. ALWAYS listen to your gut and your instincts.

[[SIZE="7"][COLOR="Red"]

Eastie,
You should pay me
for having taught you
everything I know.

Hahahahahhahhahaha![/COLOR]
[/SIZE]

[SomewhereTexas]

Well I am definately glad I came here for advice. We're going on a date this Friday or Saturday, I just asked him. Hope this isn't another waste of time. Thanks everyone.

[MountLogan]

Good luck then and let us know how it went

[araya]

well, people beat me to it
just tell us how it rolls, this is a very interesting topic to talk about

[Bowyn Aerrow]

This is not a simple yes or no situation. And since you put it out there that you are masculine then we need to clear that hurdle first.

I can tell you that if you are a bottom (predominately or otherwise) and masculine to uber masculine you are going to find it harder to find a top and you will find that you draw a lot of bottoms. A lot.

Unfortunately certain guys are just cast into a role. Muscle mass, height, over all size, deep voice, hairiness - all of these can get you 'type cast'. It goes both ways, I know shorter guys who are slender and boyish and fey in appearance who are sick and tired of being cast in the bottom role all the time. Like it or not there is a general expectation of a real gender role that one is cast into depending on factors of body type, personality type. I fear that this is hard wired into human brains, because our species evolved bi-gendered with man being cast in one role, woman being cast in another, and biology playing a huge role in how the average male and female act, behave and present physically side by side.

On top of this our culture appears to be trying to push away from what it considered 'hetro-normal' thus leading to a lot of guys claiming to be versatile when the reality is that they are either more strictly top or bottom. So you are going to find a lot of guys who will tell you they can do either an or both and end up not being wholly honest. Its not so much that they want to lie, its because our gay culture is going through a few crises and causes a lot of us to lie in order to 'win' at this war we call love.

So this current situation may be the start of a long trend for you which you will need to plot a solution that works for you.

From personal experience, out of my 6 relationships the first 4 I was cast into the total bottom role. It worked. They were total tops, and I'm - IDK not totally anything . The last two I was cast in total top role and the relationships worked - well in bed.

I think my own preference is that of bottom, yet at the same time I can't actually see #5 and #6 as topping me. While #5 was definitely a hella lot more dominant in personality, I get visions akin to Chihuahua mounting a Great Dane when contemplating him mounting me. It is just a ludicrous situation, inconceivable. and the same holds true with #1 through #4 , they were just too much being 'tops' to see me topping them. Again the Chihuahua mounting a Great Dane imagery comes to mind.




These relationships worked for me because I'm a passive person in my personality, not just my bedroom role. I tend to get off on pleasing my partner more than focus on how that is being done. I tend to put the needs of everyone else before me with the attending issues and rewards that that gives. This means I am largely adaptable to giving my partner what he wants/needs thus I can be cast in either/or roles and adapt to it, accept it, even thrive if my other needs are being met (emotional needs).

I can't think of a single time with #6 over 14 years of actually wanting him to top me, or to be the big spoon while we cuddled, or to take on the other positions that one thinks of when we consider top. I was quiet content to be the pillow, the head rest, the comforter/protector.

Top and Bottom is not just about who penetrates whom.

From these two pictures, sit there and tell yourself who you think is the top and who is the bottom:



As a species we are hard wired to the bi-gendered biases of who does what in many areas of a relationship, and like it or not sexual position and who is the big spoon/little spoon have strong connections for us.

Your potential here has tried the top role, didn't like it, yet at the same time I have to wonder if he met that one special guy that rocks his world and who we would want to top with a passion. This does happen.

Then you cast yourself as 60% bottom/40% top and assume that you need to do the bottom thing to be happy with a special guy. It is possible that with this guy you will happily top him all the day long and not need or want him to top you. Its the chemistry and affection and other emotions that come into play that determine how we engage in the bedroom with our partner.

https://gayspeak.com/showthread.php?p=525179#post525179 This thread is an example of how love and strong attachment can lead to a person doing and wanting to do new things for their partner that they never did for anyone else.

So yes, it can work out. I do know of couples where both are tops and they work it out, and couples where both are bottoms and they work it out. I won't sit here and pretend to know how that works exactly, as I never press for details. But they find a way to make it work.

There is a chance that that is how it will work for you.

[Darius]

Well I am definately glad I came here for advice. We're going on a date this Friday or Saturday, I just asked him. Hope this isn't another waste of time. Thanks everyone.

It's just a date, not your wedding. It can't be a waste of time if you are just getting to know each other better. Even if you end up having sex and can't agree on the butt sex, there are other fun things, you know.
The worst that can happen is that you decide you are not interested in each other.

[bluerealm]

If your a guy and you grew up acting str8. then getting a bottom might be easier to deal with.
this comment that i made is just like other comments like this one.

"i like guys but i don't want to have a dick up my butt or suck any thing."

this comes from str8 guys who have called this person a butt f**ker or dick sucker.

they have all kinds in the gay community.
who am i to say whats right and whats wrong.

you have grown adults agreeing to whatever.

can a bottom and top relationship work? YES IT CAN.

why? they both agree to it. its what they want.

its kind of like a fetish.

this is how it works in my mind.

when you first come out you have to over come what has been taught to you.

some of the things are how to be a man.

what a man is?

and what a man is supposed to be?

I'm not the girl in the relationship.

this is str8 people trying to make sense on how gay people work.

i have been both top and bottom but i don't like using the words top and bottom.
i like fishing, playing poker, hunting, and i can be competitive.

then i turn around and clean house. i'll put flowers on the table.
if i had kids i would be the nurture.

if these names like top and bottom bother you.
then stay away from them.

just look for a relationship.

the gay world has its own jargon.

define jargon? a form of language regarded as barbarous, debased, or hybrid.

[Rareboy]

As a versatile bottom....It can work.

If it is the right guy...anything is possible.

[AlfredM]

Considering you're a virgin,I wonder how did you even decide you are 40% top 60% bottom. You might even decide you don't like anal sex,then after meeting the right guy,you like it back,things happen. Bottom line is (pun intended),nothing is set in stone. I'll just echo what others have said that it all depends on the chemistry.

Speaking from my own experience,I started myself as not into anal sex,then for the sake of experimenting,I went as versatile during hook up,and decided I don't like anal again. 4 months ago I met a guy who's a virgin and not into anal (probably cause of his inexperience),but I could tell from the chemistry between us,if we had decided to try anal,I felt more like topping than bottoming for him. But it didn't work out,so I guess I won't find out. 3 weeks ago I met another guy and I like him so much that I let him top me despite my last experience bottoming was a disaster (the guy was too big and impatient),and while I still don't totally enjoy it,I would be happy to bottom for him again (lately it's been almost strictly no anal between us). Since he's a strictly top,it was hard to convince him to let me top him once in a while,but he compromised,and that alone was enough for me. I might or might not decide to top him,but for now,it's kinda hard to imagine that,lol. And reading this thread,yeah it makes sense,it all depends on the chemistry and what you're willing to compromise.

And stop thinking it's a waste of time,you could definitely take it as a learning experience and avoid such situation in the future.

[JackTX]

One more thing that may help. We are the same height, and he weighs 175lbs.

generally (psychology class) older men who like younger men are tops, while younger for older tend to be bottoms.

You have so many preconceptions about what these roles require or mean. You're trying to contort yourself into fitting into someone else's box.

Drop them all and just have fun with the guy.