01-13-2009, 11:57 PM
Hi babyboy,
I suspect I may repeat some of what has been said above cos I've skim-read it.
From my personal knowledge you are far from the only person in your particular situation
I know a couple of gay asian guys in arranged marriages and neither are happy. one's wife knows why and is ok, so they both do their own thing (discreetly), the other sees his mates and guys on the quiet when he can.
I know a few more who are camp enough not to need to come out and their families are in a quiet denial. its never mentioned, but neither is marriage or girlfriends.
the straight acting ones just pretend to be (some are) concentrating on their career.
My line was to say (from 20 onwards) I wasn't even considering marriage before 30 - you might try that for 40, as 30 is close.
This doesn't stop any of them from going out to gay clubs (typically in any city but their own) and enjoying themselves - there are a few gay asian nights too that are good (zindagi, saathi etc).
One friend of mine lived with his boyfriend opnely for 3 years and his mum still asks about marriage, lol.
another mate moved from b'ham to london 'for his career' (his boyfriend) and moved in with a "hardworking, teetotal, muslim guy" (also his boyfriend) and maintains his bedroom for visiting relatives.
I'm lucky, to a certain extent. I'm anglo indian, with a very 'british' upbringing, so have been able to come out, but I have enough indian and pakistani and other muslim friends to have an idea of what it is like.
send me a messgae if you got to sheffield, I'm not too far away.
I suspect I may repeat some of what has been said above cos I've skim-read it.
From my personal knowledge you are far from the only person in your particular situation
I know a couple of gay asian guys in arranged marriages and neither are happy. one's wife knows why and is ok, so they both do their own thing (discreetly), the other sees his mates and guys on the quiet when he can.
I know a few more who are camp enough not to need to come out and their families are in a quiet denial. its never mentioned, but neither is marriage or girlfriends.
the straight acting ones just pretend to be (some are) concentrating on their career.
My line was to say (from 20 onwards) I wasn't even considering marriage before 30 - you might try that for 40, as 30 is close.
This doesn't stop any of them from going out to gay clubs (typically in any city but their own) and enjoying themselves - there are a few gay asian nights too that are good (zindagi, saathi etc).
One friend of mine lived with his boyfriend opnely for 3 years and his mum still asks about marriage, lol.
another mate moved from b'ham to london 'for his career' (his boyfriend) and moved in with a "hardworking, teetotal, muslim guy" (also his boyfriend) and maintains his bedroom for visiting relatives.
I'm lucky, to a certain extent. I'm anglo indian, with a very 'british' upbringing, so have been able to come out, but I have enough indian and pakistani and other muslim friends to have an idea of what it is like.
send me a messgae if you got to sheffield, I'm not too far away.
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