I kind of have a girlfriend but I kind of like guys

[jimcrackcorn]

Ok, any girlfriend who throws a stick-blender & bowl at you isn't someone you want to be in a relationship with anyway!!!!! You now have an excellent excuse for breaking it off with her (she's crazy)...

I would recommend you don't see her again. Finish breaking up with her via text message or phone,,, it's safer that way when dealing with a crazy person...

Good luck,
Jim

[Lexington]

She refused to listen and started screaming that She will not be bought out of the trip like that and I've never seen her as angry.

And you will not be "bought" into staying with her with a trip.

Why the hell are you going to her party? You had the perfect "OK, that's it" moment with her - she sent you to the hospital. You don't need to make her hate you. You just need to break things off with her. And you sort of already did that. Just "sorry - it's not working out". The end.

Lex

[reaper]

Wow, this is quite a story!

You should end this completely. You had an opportunity and now you're going to a party with her. What a terrible mistake you're about make.

She wants you sexualy, a feeling that is not mutual and never will be. All you're doing now is giving her false hope. You're setting the stage for round 2.

You shouldn't go to this party, and you shouldn't go on this trip. You should end any relationship you have with this girl.

You need to step up and fix this. I would not share your secret with her. From what I gather she sounds immature and may use the truth to hurt you. But you do need to break everything off before the Web becomes even more tangled.

You also need to do some soul searching...figure out who you are and who you want to be.


"When at first we practice to deceive what a tangled web we weave"

[z3ro81]

Quite a lot of good posts here already and after getting to the end I am glad you have 'kind of' broken things off with her.

I was kind of skimming over some bird but I think you said the trip is paid for and you are trying to pay her back?

If that's the case and she won't take the money now best thing you can do is keep the money safe. I can see a time down the line after the trip (that you CANT go on!!!) that she turns round and demands you pay her back, if you don't have the funds then it will be another excuse to beat you with another stick.

I would try to send one more txt to her explaining that you are not interested in her and don't think discussing it will do either of you any good. After that don't reply to any thing else she sends you, she sounds a bit psycho and the more times you reply to her the more she will think she can win you back.

You don't need to tell her that you are not interested in her because you are gay, plenty of people split up and its not because they like guys so why is 'I am just not attracted to you' not a good enough excuse.

You are very mixed up at the moment and the last thing you need is this extra stress, it sounds like you are finally coming round to the fact you are gay so you need time to adjust to your new circumstances without this extra stress.

Plenty of people round here to get more advice so I hope you stick round.

Main thing though...DONT CARRY ON ENTERTAINING THIS GIRLS DEMANDS its only going to make things worse!!

[ck86]

Oh goodness me. She sounds crazy. I agree with the others. Don't see her again. Just break it off. Its getting messier by the minute and anything is adding fuel to her fire.

Yeah I agree with [MENTION=21734]reaper[/MENTION] about not telling her you are gay. She will only use that against you.

Good luck

[Rareboy]

I'm starting to think that this is more about the story and the drama than about you being a homo in the closet.

Frankly, I think in this chapter, you got exactly what you deserved if you did indeed choose her Birthday party to tell her that you were finished. Timing is everything. I have to hope that in your native language that you were somehow more eloquent in your explanation than you are in your recounting of the events....why would you give anyone a book on art and at the same time, half the money for the trip? The two things are mutually exclusive????

Of course, it all might have been a bit more believable if you hadn't required 15 stitches for a head wound caused by this out of control shrieking harpy throwing kitchen equipment at you......you did make me laugh though with your footnote about your parents having to pay for the stitches.

At this point of your story though, you have done the proper thing and told this girl that you have no romantic or sexual interest in her. You have paid for your portion of the trip. so you are now free and clear if you don't fuck up and lie like a 4 year old child again in order to get yourself out of trouble,

Now the next thing is to not go to her party (too late because you will already have done this and will likely report back with the dramatic events) and to not go with her on the trip unless you tell her that you are a homo with enough of a spine that you won't be 'turned' straight.

Next installment please.

[Lexington]

To sort of expand on what's been said...

Soap operas are just fine...on television. You can get caught up in the trials and tribulations of a bunch of characters, and experience the (very temporary) joy and relief when they overcome their current obstacles...until the next inevitable one comes their way. You can hate the hate-able, and cheer for the underdog, and all that.

But if anything, soap operas are an anti-role model. You should always strive to be as LITTLE like the people in soap operas as possible. It's best to cut drama-laden and psycho and problem-causing people out of your life as much as possible. Doing so makes for a boring soap opera (no conflict, no plot, no reason to tune in) but makes for a kick-ass life.

If you were living in a soap opera, yeah - stick with her. Hell, go to bed with her. That'll give the false uplift before the next obstacle. I'm assuming that could be you getting seduced by a hot guy on your trip, and having a mind-blowing sexual encounter that will once more throw your sexuality and relationship into serious doubt.

...but you're not living in a soap opera. This is real life. Avoid the conflict. Tell her you're done. Hand her the money, block her number, and have absolutely nothing more to do with her.

Lex

[XMaverick]

Hello everyone,

I'm in a bit of a dilemma lately and I'm stuck in a most awkward situation.
Desperately trying to find some advice on the Internet I found this forum and I decided to register.

I hope this is the right section for this, though.

So, where to start? Well, basically I'm terrified of being regarded as "gay" because homosexuality in my community, circle of friends, family and region is judged as immoral and viewed as sick and a sin.

Don't get me wrong, I'm a non-judgmental person because I've never seen why someone's sexuality or preference could be such a big deal, it just does NOT define who a person is.
Yet I am terrified of being judged and ostracized by my pears.
So, most of my childhood I was desperate to find I girlfriend because this was regarded as a status symbol and I did have a "relationship" over three years from 10-13 but the relationship was exclusively based on the reputation and image being in a relationship offered and I not once kissed my girlfriend.

Since then I was distracting myself 24/7 from the "dating" topic in order to avoid asking myself one question:
"Do I even want to be with a girl?"

Despite my efforts to not think abou the question I have since discovered one fact I still cannot accept: I kinda like guys. I keep avoiding the topic wherever I encounter it and I could never talk about it with my friends or family, so I genuinely keep myself busy with school and sports and I am quite successful in school every once in a while the question slips back into my head and despite I keep denying it, it is so important to me that I even got stress related health complaints.

As I was the only one among my friends who was never dating a girl and my friends and family were kind of suspicious as I've never shown any interest in dating whatsoever, but rather avoided even just talking about it, I was desperately trying to find a girlfriend and force myself to like her in order to need this misery and make my family proud.

So, I met this girl one and a half months ago and we became close friends immediately. I honestly enjoy being around her and I think she would have become my best friend but she made some romantic advances and I did not explicitly tell her I didn't like her only as a friend and she now thinks we are dating.

On top of that, I thought I might be able to get myself to like her and even if I didn't I wanted to keep this up long enough to introduce her to my parents to let them see I am capable of dating.

She lives a little ways from my town and she comes to visit ever so often but I'm a generally shy person and So it wasn't a problem at first but recently she's becoming more and more affectionate and she wants to hold hands and cuddle every time we spend time together. I'm really running out of ideas how to keep her busy and distracted from getting intimate.
She's a great and kind person and I enjoy her company because she's very intelligent and literate but I'm running out of excuses not to kiss her.

Please, don't get me wrong, I really do like her but only as a friend. I tried so hard to like her as my girlfriend but every time she takes my hand it feels wrong. Every time she wants to kiss me I come up with excuses like I have a bad cold or I just try to change the subject. She loves cuddling and watching movies at night and I think that's the worst. I feel I'm just sitting there stiff and feeling out-of-place while she is cuddled toward me and clasping my hand. This sounds awful, I'm so sorry for that but As much as I tried, after a couple of hours I can't help but free myself from her hug and go to sleep as far from her as possible. I'm really disgusted and I feel very uncomfortable.


So, basically I'm stuck with her as my "girlfriend" and I'm terrified by the idea of ever taking this relationship to the next level, even if it's just kissing. I'm not sure how long I can keep this sharade up as I frequently tell her how much I like her and Im just nervous because it's going to be my first kiss.

I know it's wrong and I'm being a terrible person but I feel it's too late now to tell her I don't like her without giving a reason. I don't want to lose her as a friend but I can't tell her I'm disgusted by her being a girl.

I'm the worst person as I feel like Im using her as a decoy to keep everyone from questioning my sexuality. Also, I want to impress my family so badly and they would like her very much. I am still trying to get myself to like her, mainly because I don't want to lose her as a friend and as it's impossible to take this back into the fried zone.

My biggest problem, however, is that either way she might find out I don't like girls because it's gotten to a point I feel sick and appalled whenever she tries to kiss me. Plus she's so pretty you have to be gay if you're trying to avoid touching her so vehemently.

Thinking about this whole situation, there's nothing that would make me happier than being with a guy and not being judged by anyone.

I do hope you can understand my misery only a tiny but and do not see me as the terrible person I might looks like acing like this.
Does anyone have even remotely similar experiences?
Is there anything I can do in order to avoid being outed by her as homosexual and consequently being kicked out by my parents and being forced to leave my hometown?
It's terrible and I feel really bad...

You really need to call off this "relationship", seriously. It isn't fair to her that she's with someone who doesn't even like her intimately. Breaking this up would be greatly beneficial to the both of you.

As far as your situation goes in general, i've been there (minus the decoy relationship) and I know how it feels to feel as if you have to hide your sexuality from people. Don't make it into a bigger deal than it needs to be. Ironically enough, by getting into this false relationship, you've inadvertently made it harder for yourself, not easier.

Seriously, call it off.

[LJay]

For crying out loud! Do NOT go to that party. Cut her off.

And stop grabbing for attention by being indecisive. If you don't have half the town and all of two families talking about you, you must live on Mars. Enough of this.

PS: Telling her you are gay at this point will simply throw her into further denial and cause her to sink her claws in deeper. Just accept that you have screwed up and live with it.

[XMaverick]

So, there is a post I made earlier that may be approved where I gave advice that is no longer valid. You broke it off with her (Atleast, I think you did), so that's good. As terrible as the event was right after, I am proud of you.

I am very glad that you did the right thing.