is this normal

[Anonymous]

i broke up with my ex-boyfriend because i found out he was having cheating on me with his friend.

but nowadays, sometimes when i masturbate, i tend to fantasize by visualizing that my boyfriend and his friend are having sex and feel quite horny about it (which makes me guilty).

is it abnormal for me to fantasize like that?

[Darius]

Who gets to define normal?

I had a gf that I broke up with. It wasn't overly serious relationship. A friend of mine dated her for awhile after did. It didn't last long, either. Anyway, I always thought he was hot and I knew what his cock looked like when it was soft, so I admit to imagining what they looked like when doing the deed. In my fantasy, he got me more excited than she did.

[ck86]

I agree. What's normal anyway.

I'm sure by the time you get a new boyfriend you'll have new things to fantasise about.

[MikeW]

No, it's not normal. Normal is being so angry at your ex for cheating on you, and despising the "friend" who he cheated with so much, that the LAST thing you would ever want to imagine is them getting it on together. You sure as hell wouldn't use the fantasy as jerk off material.

So, no, you're not normal. You're a fucking pervert who secretly wants to have a 3-way with his ex and some other guy he fucked behind your back.

Sounds hot to me.

[Bhp91126]

Completely normal. Fantasizing about scenarios that you'd never ever do in real life is something almost everyone does. (Many women fantasize about rape, but would be devastated if it were to really occur)

Only if you were to start stalking those two, hoping to observe them having sex, this would become a reason to get concerned.

Let your fantasies fly when you masturbate!

[edhued]

If you're feeling guilty about it, would you consider it normal?

[Bowyn Aerrow]

Normal is a relative term, usually meaning something on the order of 'what the majority does'. However that definition isn't accurate when it comes to figuring out if one is within a range of healthy experiences. We refrain from using 'normal' to classify self simply because there is a very wide range of human experiences which are healthy, which not everyone nor the majority experiences.

While typically the majority wouldn't do this your experience does fall within nominal parameters for your species (I assume you are homo sapience, if not my bad!)

I'm pretty certain that Jung or Freud would have a long intense explanation for what is happening. It boils down to you are going through the 5 stages of grief (The Kübler-Ross model) and what you are doing is either acting in denial, or you are bargaining with the situation or combination of both.

I would say bargaining because psychologically you could, in theory, keep your mate while appeasing his desire/need for novelty. Thus this fantasy allows you to have your cake and eat it two, its a form of bargaining with the idea of your mate. This may actually be your first steps toward making such an offer to your mate.

The stages of the The Kübler-Ross model can be very subjective and internalized, for instance denial doesn't mean you will stand there telling someone 'this isn't happening' however you could build up a whole internal structure to emotionally and intellectually deny something. Same applies to the rest of the stages.

Fantasies are perfectly OK to have, even horrible ones like the fantasy about killing ones mate. Fantasy gives humans a way to work through emotions without actually acting on them. So your fantasy is OK to have, as long as you don't start acting on it and undermining your set of ethics or morals. Compromise of ones code of honor/ethics/morals tends to do a lot of damage to ones self.

[CellarDweller]

I don't like the term 'normal'.....everyone reacts to different situations differently.

It's not something I would masturbate to, but if it works for you.....

[Hardheaded1]

It doesn't take too much to conceive that you can't really picture yourself with your mate in your fantasies now that you know he has gone looking elsewhere for his jollies. But, your mind still sees him as sexually compatible to you despite his infidelity. As such, you bring in the object of his sexual desire, maintaining the mental image of his interest so as to prevent the underlying intrusion of the intellectual. Your primitive sexual brain is at war with your higher thinking brain, and avoiding the conscious knowledge that he may not desire you passionately.

It really isn't that far removed from many gay men who fantasize about straight friends or co-workers. They may indeed frame them in straight sex acts in order to imagine them fully and sincerely aroused instead of "gay-for-pay" sort of half-heartedness. In other words, they/we want a real boner, not a Viagara stand-in.

[Hardheaded1]

Oh, and in the words of Oprah, "YOU get a new car! YOU get a new car! And, YOU get a new car!"

Everyone offering counsel in this thread is a winner, as well as the baghead for sincerely baring his soul.