Next step?

[Meerkat54]

So I'm a bisexual male but I'm more keen on a relationship with a guy rather than a girl. I know it sounds a bit weird but that's just how I feel. I've had 4 'experiences' with asking out/being asked out by girls - none of which have ever really led to anything special - and more recently two separate experiences with asking out one guy I know. That never went anywhere either, but it did end up with him and a handful of his close friends to know that I was bi, which wasn't the intention. I was hoping he would keep it a secret because I wasn't yet ready for everyone else to know, but I found out later that he was terrible at keeping secrets. Either way they seemed to be OK about it though. Their actions around me have slightly changed but our friendship doesn't seem to have changed very much, which I was genuinely surprised at.

So now I'm wondering what to do next, and that's why I came to this forum. I'm hoping that here I can probably find someone to talk to and maybe get to know a bit more as well. It'd be great to be/talk with someone who is in a similar boat.

The awkward thing is that I have not yet come out to my family. I keep saying I'll "wait until the right moment" to do it but I know I'm stalling. It's just a lot more difficult to tell them, as opposed to your best friends - some of which you can trust with your life, y'know? Anyway, once that step is taken it might be slightly easier to find someone, but until I do that I'm not exactly sure what I can do for now.

So, two things I need advice on:
- What's the best way to come out to my family?
- Which step do I take right now?

Any help would be much appreciated. Thank you so much! :biggrin:

[Rareboy]

Brian North made a good Youtube video on this subject.

You should come out when you think the time is right for you to do this......I'd have to know a lot more about your family before I would be able to advise on what might work the best for you...the important thing though is that you are coming out and I think you'll have a good sense of when to tell your family members.

I never did. I just brought home my boyfriends once I was away at school.

[TwisttheLeaf]

I don't find it weird to be bi and lean towards guys. Bisexuality is a "spectrum" and people fall on that spectrum in all different places. I personally am bisexual, but wasn't even interested in girls at all until my late teens. And I still, even now, prefer men over women.

As to your questions...

1) I don't have a huge amount of advice on this as I have always been out. That said? I'm not sure why you would need to come out to your family in order to start finding someone? Whether the someone is male or female, finding someone is about you and that someone. It might be -surprising- to your family to introduce that same-sex someone after the fact, but I don't understand why your family would have any play on you finding someone in the first place?

2) What I would do, in your situation, right now.... would be to not worry so much on how other people view your sexuality. Focus, instead, on what's going to make you happy.

[Cuddly]

Do you have siblings that you are close to, who are mature? I'd come out to a trusted sibling or my mother.

It's a bit more complicated to come out as bi, I guess. "I'm gay!" means that you're dating guys, while "I'm bi!" needs more explaining. You're leaning towards guys, I gather. From my imaginary parent perspective, I would wish for my son to be straight, simply to spare him the pain some gays go through. The abuse.

[Wade]

How to come out... should I come out at all... when, where, to who?

All very difficult questions to answer because of course it all depends on your very particular situation, and no one is more aware of your situation than you. Therefore, you're the only one who can answer those for sure. That being said, the best anyone can do for advice is to speak about what they've learned from their own one and only experience of coming out.

To that I would say this: Barring any threat or concern of being thrown out of the house and being left financially unsupported, I would come out as soon as possible. If your experience is anything like mine (and who knows about that one?) then the worst part about coming out is the obsessing about it and not doing it... for years. People in my life certainly surprised the hell out of me with how big a deal my being gay wasn't! Unless your family is uber Christian (or just assholes) then your sexuality is probably a much bigger deal to you than it is to them.

I wasted so much energy giving a fuck what my family and friends were going to think... turns out, being gay didn't matter one iota, and no had an inkling that I was gay in the first place. I came out at 18, but my own personal acceptance took a while even after I came out. It took the realization that my sexuality had no bearing on people's opinion of me to do it, and that only happens if you come out.

The longer you wait, the harder it is. The earlier you come out, the happier you'll be. Don't overthink it. Bottom line.

Good luck. Coming here and asking for advice is a great first step.

[MikeW]

...Their actions around me have slightly changed but our friendship doesn't seem to have changed very much, which I was genuinely surprised at.

Other's have commented on the coming out question, I wanted to focus in on this one… Interesting observation. I'm curious about the specifics, *what* actions have changed slightly and *how* are they different than they were before? Not something that needs to be dwelled on, its just interesting. Not necessarily surprising but interesting because, yeah, knowing our sexuality isn't what they *assumed* it was, means they have to "readjust" their impression of us. -- What all that means exactly for them, who the hell knows, but for sure each of us has had to deal with it himself one way and another.

- What's the best way to come out to my family?

I recommend making the announcement in 8" heels, while wearing a pink tutu and glittery faerie wings

- Which step do I take right now?

Check online for used clothing stores near you -- depending on your shoe size, finding 8"es that FIT can be a real challenge.

[LJay]

Katreem, be careful when reading Mike's advice. If you read certain things too carefully, you could end up laughing so hard that you miss the rest.

PS: I think you are too young for 8" heels. Go for 6"