Is It normal...or wierd?

[East]

I asked once before about Facebook...and since then I haven't gone and searched anyone...until yesterday and today...DAMNIT....but this time..all different people....

...and it is like my whole life flashing in front of me. I sometimes like to think everyone I knew died...and actually most of my favorite people did...but I keep forgetting about how many people didn't.....

...so...do you think it is normal...or weird...to not want to connect...and keep the past in the past?

I keep wondering if I am fooling myself and maybe something is really wrong with me for not wanting to connect to any of them? Does anyone else have the same thing happen to them?

I only want to hear about people who I know right now and what they are doing...but a part of me must be curious or I wouldn't have followed all of those names...they all seem to be friends with each other.,...it is endless really....

My best friend would go out and move all over the world and when he came back...we would just start talking like we saw each other 10 minutes ago...so if one of them drifted into my life naturally...I wouldn't even blink and would greet them happily. It isn't as if I don't like them...or have any problems with them...I just think when you move on into another chapter of your life...just let the relationships be what they were and don't force anything....

It was easy before Facebook..didn't even have to think about it...but now...ugh...I am wondering if I am just weird...or does anyone else experience the same thing?

[SilverBullet]

I think the majority of people would see your actions as abnormal , but I think you are a quieter person so it makes sense for you not to have a super desire to chat all those people up.

[Pyromancer]

I understand completely because I feel exactly the same way.

You said, "..they all seem to be friends with each other.,...it is endless really....".. and what it is...for me...is endless regurgitated drama. My one attempt at reconnecting with a person from my past back home ended up involving too many people and stirred up waay too many feelings that were best left where they belonged...in the past.

My partner has a good point...he says that if those people had really been important to me, I wouldn't have allowed them to drift out of my life.

So yeah...I get it...and I don't think that it's weird at all...

[matty7]

im like you - keep getting friends request from people just because I was at the same school as them - I despised school with a passion and they just remind me of it - its not there fault at all, I just think if you were important to me I would have kept in touch anyway - I prefer to live in the now and let the past just be memories and not try to re capture it

[kidchameleon]

I'm basically the same. I wouldn't say it's weird... just "living in the moment".

[Miles]

As a kid I moved around a few times, so I got used to losing touch with peer groups/social environments. Am I curious about what some of my college buddies are up to now? Sure. But I don't see the point in trying to force a reconnect if the bond wasn't super strong to start with. Are there folks I've chatted with online about whom I've thought, "You know, I wish they'd log back on some time, I wanna ask how they've been doing lately"? You bet. But I'm not about to try to track them down and stalk them on Facebook.

In the past few months I've started semi-regularly meeting a high school friend of mine for dinner - not overdoing it, just once or twice a month. Man, when we first met up after years of no contact, it was like nothing had changed. Bouncing off one another like no time had passed at all.

No law says that you owe anyone extended contact just because you knew them once, just as no law says that a lack of contact precludes a worthwhile relationship. I think the right ones will be there, right on time.

[Steve]

I don't think this situation is weird East, and I also think its not all that uncommon. Both my brother and I opened accounts and all of a sudden people we both barely knew crawled out of the woodwork and began acting as though we were long lost friends. And the people who I was actually close to had changed so much over time that I no longer had much in common with them. And then they preceded to clutter my feed with all of their lovely belief's and really lame meme's. The only fun I had was friending George Takei who has the funniest stream and the wittiest observations of current events.

I smile for the past, but I've left it there. Concentrating on the present is far more important to me than trolling through my stream enduring pictures of people's dinner, bored to tears by uninspired and endless selfies, or meme's praising god in such a way as to give me virtual diabetes. And I have no desire to play pretend friends with people who were only vaguely interactive with me all those years ago. I'd much prefer to pay attention to the people in my immediate life.

But that's just my choice. I don't think of it as normal or weird because I lost track of what those two things meant a long time ago. I simply choose a simpler life.

[East]

Thanks guys...I already feel better...but since I wrote this...I have realized that this problem is more complicated...and I would like to solve it once and for all...

It isn't that what I said about isn't true..it is...it is just a lot deeper and the thing is..there are a few people when I saw them I was dying to say hi to,,,,but I knew if I did..it would attract other people that I just wasn't feeling it with....

If anyone could give me really good advice on this next part...I will kiss your ass....because it is a life long mystery as to what I should do....

OK...I have mentioned why before here and there...but the bottom line...I am being ruled by fear,,,and I want to NOT be ruled by fear anymore.....

I am pissed off that I am even in this place....and have been most of my life...and I want OUT........

It starts with my stalkers...and the effect they have had on me......

I have typed out my story about them many times wirth specifics...and then deleted THE ONE because I am afraid he is going to read it and find me. I know...irrational...but my fear...once I say the story...a lot of people will know exactly who I am talking about.,so the chances someone will come upon the story and know who I am and who the guy is expand...and will I be sitting there wishing to fuck I hadn't written it all out?,,,and fearing for my life?

I have tried to say the story...but instead I have recounted the lesser more harmless ones thinking/hoping it would relieve some of the fear and the pressure...ones I am not worried about...and besides..I know at least two of them are dead now....so no worries...

.....and I tell myself that see...you wrote it all out and lots of people know about all the rest of them too...and no one has shown up to bother me....but then again..even if someone did see what I write and recognized who I am am who I was talking about...I don't really fear the other guys....except one maybe that I know is dead...but nothing like the "big one"...

For years...I did all kinds of things to change my whereabouts...change a letter in both my first and last name.....put someone else's name on my phone and even my house and apartments.....

These M^&*#$@fuckers really get in your head...it is all about control...and they won..so far anyway.....

It is one in particular I am worried about....the others...they would just be an annoyance...and it isn't all in my head.....after almost 40 years.,..I got something in the mail from one of them....but not a particularly scary one....

So...I think if I go one facebook with my whole real name...I might be screwing myself..so I use the name of my business...and I don't use any pictures....and again...I am pissed off because I don't like all these precautions I take...it wears me down....

So....do I say FUCK IT?...let the chips fall where they may? If it is gonna happen...bring it on.

Or...once I do it...will I freak out and forever worry that I once again exposed myself to this one creep in particular? He is mad at me for taking legal action and he also promised to one day "get me where he wants me".....

I am almost at the point where I don't care...but the thing is..I have to wait at least 24 more days until I turn 58 because I have always believed I was gonna die when I was 57 and even though I have tried to reason with myself this year...I have been expecting to die any day all year...and I am also tired of THAT....and I think if I do that on FB...I will be brining it on....

Oh yeah...the one I am most afraid of...I googled his name and found nothing..so he could be dead (crosses fingers)...but I envision him living in some backwoods cabin as a survivalist off the grid with a torture chamber and no address....LOL...(that was a nervous laugh) ...

So....a clearer and calmer rational head that does understand the devastation a stalker can do ...maybe?...can help me figure out if I should say FUCK IT...and let it all out...and free myself from the fear....

There is more too...I just want to see if anyone can give me advice specifically on this one thing because it is the biggest thing...it is all related to facebook. I had it all figured out ...how to hide from and remain invisible to them...BEFORE the internet...but when I realized how easy it is to get info on anyone once the internet came along..and then facebook as everyone "reaches out to touch" everyone else...EEK...it has been really hard at times for me....and the best I can do is to just try not to think about it....

Oh yeah...this guy was contacting my family...even distant family I didn't even know about ..for years....and leaving harmless message for me...but that has stopped as far as I know for a long time now....

[Bhp91126]

Ok, first things first: please don't die anytime soon

If I understand your story correctly someone has been living rent-free inside your head for the last 40 years? Here are a couple of random thoughts.

You guys were teenagers then, or I'm just assuming that. While he swore to get back at you, there is a good chance that he has matured enough not to harbour such enmity towards you anymore.

If he was such a monster to you, you probably weren't the only one whose life he made hell. Not finding his name via Google is a good sign. Maybe he died young, someone else took care of him or he is permanently in state care.

I believe you need therapy to get him out of your head, whether you go public online or not.

Btw. I've reconnected with old classmates and it has only been a big blaaaaa. We weren't close back then, we are never going to be.

[TwisttheLeaf]

I can honestly say I have absolutely NO interest in reconnecting with anyone from my past. I let go of them in the first place for a reason.