Giant wall of text crits you for 10,000.
I'm not sure I could date a guy that had an ex so prominently around. Sure, they could be friends but I've seen too many re-kindlings.
I don't think you said how the relationship was, quality-wise, or how into-you he is. If it's True Love for him you could be fine. If it's more like he's just hanging out with you, I'd worry.
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Thanks everyone! I never had this problem, but, I must also say that even though I'm 32, this is the longest relationship I've had, partly because it was hard for me to come out.
I'm very into the relationship and he also is. We have not talked about being monogamous, but we sort of implied it when we discussed about doing the STD and AIDS tests. I probably should rephrase my statement as...I'm concerned because he was secretive about that, and I don't know what it means.
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IAMF, it is possible that he realised (maybe too late) that he was likely to have some STIs because of his past behaviour. Maybe there is a form of guilt or shame associated with it. The only thing to do now is to fix it. It might mean you won't be part of the picture, but it might also mean that you are there to help him get through it.
If he's suicidal, it won't help that you leave him to sort things on his own, and his health will not get restored very soon. Depression has a way of showing other signs of degradation of a person's health. Would it be kind to inflict a worse state of depression on him? Would you not feel guilty of doing this? You seem to care for him, so maybe this is just a time for you both to have PATIENCE with each other, including in the sexual sphere (it is likely that some forms of sex should be put on hold, then protected sexual activities will have to be implemented so that you don't ruin your health if you still have good health).
Please, please, consult your doctor on what's safe to do and when. Lastly, good luck with finding the right solution to your predicament.
Animo, y suerte a los dos!!
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oh no, sorry, what I meant is that, when we started dating, we talked about getting tested together, which we did, in order to create a climate of maximum confidence. That's why I say that even when we haven't discussed about being monogamous, I assume we are.
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IAMF Wrote:oh no, sorry, what I meant is that, when we started dating, we talked about getting tested together, which we did, in order to create a climate of maximum confidence. That's why I say that even when we haven't discussed about being monogamous, I assume we are.
IAMF, I was trying to answer your boyfriend's secretiveness. Maybe he didn't want to hide something, but maybe he sensed he might have something unpleasant. Now he knows, it's really better that way. Now he can get better and get treated.
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Don't assume that you are monogamous. Tell him that YOU are and find out if HE is.
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IAMF Wrote:oh no, sorry, what I meant is that, when we started dating, we talked about getting tested together, which we did, in order to create a climate of maximum confidence. That's why I say that even when we haven't discussed about being monogamous, I assume we are.
BAD idea. If you haven't talked about it? Then it isn't so. Period.
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princealbertofb Wrote:Don't assume that you are monogamous. Tell him that YOU are and find out if HE is.
Yes, I was about to jump all over that assumption comment.
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where are the paragraphs? ??
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IAMF Wrote:I'm gay and I have been dating a guy for more than 6 months. I know, even though he has not told me directly, that he has been talking to his ex all of this time via whatsapp, FB, etc, who lives in a different country. And honestly, I was ok with that until now. I found out that his ex returned to the country where we live in, in order to spend Christmas holidays. And even though the guy I'm dating has not told me, I know that he went to a dinner party with his ex and his ex's friends (which he has told me they have a very active whatsapp group).
I didn't inquire and I don't know if I should have, at the moment. He showed me pictures of the party and the ex was there. I know because in the past we saw some pictures and he told me it was his ex. But at that time, he didn't mention anything about his ex (I don't know if he forgot about the pictures he showed me before and didn't think I would remember).
Also, on a different day, he went on a dinner, with people "not from the city", but that live close. I'm also suspicious of that one but I didn't ask. I just let it go. I understand some people are close with their ex's and I'm ok with that.
However, there is something else that honestly I cannot ignore. Most of the nights, we spend the night together. With the few exceptions that either one of us is sick, or will be home very late, or even when I have snored many nights in a row, so I let him sleep alone 1 or 2 days so he can rest. But even once, his best friend was in town and staying at his house, and the guy I'm dating asked me to spend the night. But last week he told me that "a friend was coming over" because he had an early flight, and he needed to stay in the city, and that we wouldn't be sleeping together on that night. I'm 100% sure it was his ex because of a comment he made (without telling me it was his ex).
Also, he started telling a story he shared in the past (which I know relates to his ex), and just in the middle he said "never mind" and he changed the subject. I got to his house the on the night after, and he was cleaning the sheets. So I'm even thinking that they slept together. Right now I'm going crazy, and I want to confront him just because he didn't tell me the whole truth by always referring to that other person as a "friend". Should I just be direct with him? The truth is that even if nothing has happened, the fact that he's not telling me the whole truth hurts me.
To make things worse, next week he's flying to the country where his ex lives (and where they both used to live), a planned trip he had for months in order to close some bank accounts, bring back home some of the stuff he still has in the country, present some reports related to what he was doing there, etc. At the same time he makes a lot of plans for us in the future. So I don't know what to think. Please, i need advise on what to do.
i don't know whether he cheated on you or not. not speaking your mind and talking to your partner is only gonna get you in more trouble. you'll psyche yourself up, start analyzing every damn little detail that might not even matter...if you have a question and you need clarification on something, ask him about it. directly. and not in some roundabout way; asking a question you think will give you a sign on what's going on with him, but wouldn't alert him to your suspicions. you need to ask him directly if he's been seeing his ex and that it's all making you feel a little unsure/uncomfortable.
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