dating help.

[danvotion86]

I moved down to Texas at the end of Sep. After an abusive relationship. I am finally doing better after therapy. I have a decent job now and made 2 guy friends. Which for me Is awesome. I'm a very awkward guy.

For what I need help with. All of my relationships have moved fast. Extremely fast, so Idk how to move slow. I've signed up for online dating. Guys message me a lot because of my looks. But they dint stick around because of me wanting to move fast.

What are some dating dating rules I should live by. I live in a very small town. No gay bars. So how do I meet guys in person? Online dating is hard I don't really like it.

[MikeW]

What do you mean you don't now how to move slow? It's simple… you don't fuck on the first date… or maybe even the second or third.

It really depends on what you want, [MENTION=22002]danvotion86[/MENTION] . If what you want is to hook up with guys, yeah, move fast. If you want a relationship that *lasts*… then you have to get to know whether or not that is possible with a guy… and you can't know that until you know him… and you can't *really* get to know someone quickly. It takes time. You have to see them under a variety of circumstances, and etc. This is not rocket science, bud.

As for what to do if you live in a small town, for that I have no answer.

BTW, welcome to the forum.

[Borg69]

There are no real defined dating rules... you just gotta kinda go with what works for YOU, and edit as you go.

Some things *I* learned, that worked for ME was (to name a few) :

No sex until the 3rd or 4th date. I wanted to see if they really liked ME, or just wanted sex. If I wasn't important enough for them to wait a bit, they weren't someone I wanted in my life.

Honesty - very important to me. I'd question any discrepancies in their stories.

Meet in a public place the first few times. LOTS of psycho's out there whom I'm glad don't know my address and phone number (they had my e-mail). Don't immediately give them your Facebook info either. You don't want the bad ones showing up on your door step at all hours, work place, or Facebook with their psycho rants.

One quirk I have is, do they have pets and/or house plants? I personally don't trust many people whom can't nurture a pet or a house plant. If they can't handle that, how can they be in a relationship?

How self centered are they? Do they only talk about themselves? Their Ex's and past sex buddies? While it's a fine line and I think it's important to get some idea of their past sexual experiences, it's certainly not ALL I want to hear about.

It's all trial and error. Find someone you're attracted to whom you have some chemistry with and trust. Go out on dates and see if you mesh. Push your comfort zone a bit, but don't be a pushover either. Stand your ground on what you feel is important to you and your morals.

Take the time to get to know them in various different situations.

[danvotion86]

I didn't say anything about sex. I'm not hooking up. I have never dated before. I have had 5 relationships one that lasted 7 years. We met got engaged at 17. Every other relationship ive had has been like that they lasted 1 year or two. My feelings tend to move fast no matter how much I try to avoid it. I don't need info in random hookups. Since really sex is only good for the person you love.

[ShiftyNJ]

Are you within driving distance of any bigger towns or cities? I would be checking out meetup.com or similar platonic friendship-building sites, concentrate on setting up a network of people with similar interests or at least personalities for yourself, don't limit yourself to other gay men or couples when it comes to friendship. I know the temptation is strong to give into the thrill of a new romance and rush to the next level, but why not savor each step?

[danvotion86]

I live 45 min from Austin. But what are the steps.

[danvotion86]

I am saving for a car. I made 1 friend here but he doesn't go to Austin.

[JackTX]

When you say you want to move fast... why? And in what ways does that manifest itself? Are you saying you fall for someone too easily and then for you that's it... they're The One and you want to put your everything into it?

Things you can go slow on... having sex for the first time... saying "I love you."... moving in together... frequency of seeing each other. I think you may need to spend more time getting to know someone fully before taking some of those steps. You could just look for friends for a while and keep thinking about what you want beyond that and how to go about getting that.

The problem is when you meet someone who seems like they might be a really great match. How can you go slow then when everything seems amazing? My #1 advice is to tell people to enjoy the first 1-2 months but to keep in mind that the air of newness/excited-ness fades quickly around then and you can see the relationship and the guy a lot more clearly.

I like [MENTION=21075]Borg69[/MENTION]'s advice. Get to know the people you are wanting to date more, talk more, etc. Take Control (actively) of the pace so your tendencies don't sabotage you again.

And definitely get that car. Austin is your closest gay mecca :p

[danvotion86]

I'm not saying that I want to move fast. I tend to fall fast. I'm not good with people to begin with. I think I'm socially dumb but I can put together a computer no problem.

[ShiftyNJ]

I live 45 min from Austin. But what are the steps.

See what [MENTION=21947]JackBoneTX[/MENTION] said below ... he and I are on the same page here.